Connections: The Healing Touch of Relationships

April 16, 2010   •  Posted in: 

What happens when you get your hand too close to a flame? Instantly, you draw your hand back. It’s immediate. It’s reactive. You get as far away from the source of the pain as you can. This reaction to physical pain is natural. And it also can be our reaction to emotional pain.

When emotionally wounded, we tend to draw back into ourselves. We become suspicious of other people. We even become suspicious of our own motives and decisions. And so, we withdraw from people.

As a result, left alone in our pain, we are cut off from the healing touch that comes from our relationships.

In the first book of the Bible, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2″18). He was speaking in the context of the marriage relationship, but our need for connection is there, outside of marriage as well. We need extended family and good friends. Our connection to other people builds a closely knit community, and within the context of community, we are able to provide for the needs of others and to receive help for our own needs.

Why is it that just when we need people the most, we tend to withdraw ourselves? I believe there are several reasons, which either individually or in combination reinforce our belief that it’s better for us to be alone with our pain:

  • We think others won’t understand what we’re going through
  • We’re distrustful of others because of what we’ve suffered
  • We’re unwilling to forgive those who have added to our pain
  • We’re so depleted that we think we have nothing to give to another person
  • We don’t believe we deserve to be loved again

In each of the beliefs above, there is an element of truth. Yet it is only partial truth. Let’s look at each of these beliefs, expanding our understanding so we can see them from a broader perspective. Ultimately, the truth is that we need others. If we are not able to embrace that truth, we sentence ourselves to the torment of solitary confinement. Invariably, we hurt ourselves even more.

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Connections,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

Review Blog Schedule (every weekday devoted to excerpts from a different book by Dr. Jantz)

Follow Dr. Jantz on Twitter

Fan Dr. Jantz on Facebook

Dr. Gregory Jantz

Pioneering Whole Person Care over thirty years ago, Dr. Gregory Jantz is an innovator in the treatment of mental health. He is a best-selling author of over 45 books, and a go-to media authority on behavioral health afflictions, appearing on CBS, ABC, NBC, Fox, and CNN. Dr. Jantz leads a team of world-class, licensed, and...

Read More

Related Posts

How To Move on With Your Life After Divorce

By: Dr. Gregory Jantz  •  August 15, 2023

We get married believing we will be with our partner “until death do us part.” But for so many of us (nearly 50% of married couples, according to research), this isn’t how the story always goes[1]. There are many valid reasons to decide to end a marriage. But whether you...

Eating Disorders: Losing Your Sense of Self

By: Dr. Gregory Jantz  •  September 9, 2015

Few things are as frightening as losing control, feeling powerless against overwhelming forces. When overcome by events, we can feel swept up on relentless waves of circumstance that hurl us toward terrifying heights and bone-jarring lows. Each event is made worse if we have tried to stop it and been...

How to Talk to Your Loved Ones About Your Mental Health

By: Dr. Gregory Jantz  •  January 9, 2024

When you begin experiencing symptoms of a mental health issue, one of the first things on your mind could be: “How should I tell my family and friends?” Many of us find it easy to talk to loved ones when times are good – but may falter when the going...

Get Started Now

"*" indicates required fields

By providing your phone number, you consent to receive calls or texts from us regarding your inquiry.
Main Concerns*
By submitting this form, I agree to receive marketing text messages from at the phone number provided. Message frequency may vary, and message/data rates may apply. You can reply STOP to any message to opt out. Read our Privacy Policy
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Whole Person Care

The whole person approach to treatment integrates all aspects of a person’s life:

  • Emotional well-being
  • Physical health
  • Spiritual peace
  • Relational happiness
  • Intellectual growth
  • Nutritional vitality