Over the years, I’ve learned how important both verbal and nonverbal communication is in a relationship. Healthy communication, then, requires a new blueprint for those who have experienced childhood abuse.
Anxieties are progressive, so it seems logical that one of the answers to anxiety would be a progression of a different kind. When a fear starts out small and keeps expanding, the way to combat anxiety is to cut that anxiety down to size. Instead of trying to take on the whole fear, you start small, working your way up your fear, like climbing a ladder.
The source of this pain may be rooted in childhood, meaning you’re so accustomed to feeling this way, you may experience anger, fear, and guilt afresh at dredging up these truths.
It appears that when boys—or men—are engaged fully in a task, they develop a sort of tunnel vision. This ability to concentrate has some advantages, as it allows for minimal disruption due to distractions and, presumably, increased productivity.
Guilt is an insidious reaction that contributes to stress. Guilt cries out, “Never enough!” When you feel guilty or ashamed, or you blame yourself for not being or doing all you think you’re supposed to be, you can never find peace.
Children who are abused may adapt by retaining a habit of constant vigilance—as though they’re constantly under a state of siege. Their worlds are populated not by security but by patterns of risk and attack.
Now is the time to give yourself permission to assign relaxation a place in your life. Learning to relax means you will initially need to work at not working.
When the world is against you, when people are out to get you, when events are against you, you live in a state of siege. A siege mentality contributes to the state of Red Alert. Unresolved anger is a breeding ground for stress
One’s childhood can be stolen through so many types of abuse, including sexual abuse. Childhood sexual abuse can happen through the overt actions of others or the failure to shield children from sexual content or behaviors.
Adults who take out their anger on children rarely are truthful about the source of that anger and hostility. Some shift the blame unfairly to their punching bag of choice, placing the burden of their actions, as well as the reasons for the actions, on the child.
Before coming to the Center, I was in a such a deep, dark place of depression and having suicidal thoughts and I didn’t have the tools to climb back out of it on my own. Then I called The Center.