When you’ve got the chaos of worries running and ducking for cover, when you’ve got them crawling over the control of your life, it can be difficult to remember what the focus is.
Childhood abuse is multilayered. Neglect and physical and sexual abuse are always accompanied by devastating emotional damage. This childhood abuse can appear as aggressive actions of harm as well as passive failures to act.
I’d like you to take the time to really think about, and evaluate, the significant relationships in your life. These may be with parents, spouses, siblings, children, mentors, or extended family.
Anyone suffering from conditions such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and even eating disorders can attribute their feelings to mental health or behavioral issues. These types of mental health conditions can be treated using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, to help find the root of the cause.
Are you getting on with your life with courage and enthusiasm, knowing that somehow you will fulfill your dreams, or have you all but thrown in the towel? Your answers reflect how you see yourself today but they also may suggest that you are still believing and living out too many of the lies your life script may have been feeding you.
Now that you may have recognized help is needed in your life, how do you know where to go to get the right help? There needs to be an internal connection (trust) for this to work. Frankly, it can be quite a circuitous path to find the help you need.
Help is not always something you’re willing to accept. If you’re at the end of your rope, you have to drop that rope and grasp onto another one you’re not holding. If you’re up a creek without a paddle, once given a paddle, you actually have to start paddling, often against the current. If you’re in over your head, you have to decide to come up for air. Help is needed, help is offered, but help also has to be accepted. Help is a three-step process.
Big fears are a complex connection of smaller components. Fears generally have a timeline – a when. They have a reason – a why. They have a pattern – a what. They have an outlet, a venue for expression – a how.
A disorganized person is a hodgepodge of responses without a consistent pattern. If there is a pattern, it is that there is no pattern. The disorganized person has come to view relationships, often because of the presence of abuse, as a source of both comfort and fear.
An avoidant person, when faced with abandonment in any form, determines never again to be placed in such a position of need. The panic and pain of rejection are protested against by burial of those negative feelings.
Attachment theory highlights the importance of a strong, healthy attachment in childhood. This important attachment comes at the earliest stages of life to a parent or primary caregiver, usually a mother. This first, fundamental attachment, or relationship, sets the stage for all relationships going forward.