Big fears are a complex connection of smaller components. Fears generally have a timeline – a when. They have a reason – a why. They have a pattern – a what. They have an outlet, a venue for expression – a how.
A disorganized person is a hodgepodge of responses without a consistent pattern. If there is a pattern, it is that there is no pattern. The disorganized person has come to view relationships, often because of the presence of abuse, as a source of both comfort and fear.
An avoidant person, when faced with abandonment in any form, determines never again to be placed in such a position of need. The panic and pain of rejection are protested against by burial of those negative feelings.
Attachment theory highlights the importance of a strong, healthy attachment in childhood. This important attachment comes at the earliest stages of life to a parent or primary caregiver, usually a mother. This first, fundamental attachment, or relationship, sets the stage for all relationships going forward.
GAD isn’t a single bad day or even a bad week; it’s an ongoing state of worry, concern, and heightened anxiety over everyday events for six months or more. It’s constant worry about what if, what could with no discernible solution, no end, and no peace.
To learn to relax, you need to take back charge of your own life. That’s the only way you’ll be able to create a place in your life for relaxation. You need to be in charge in order to assign relaxation its proper value and priority in your life. You need to start saying no to fear and yes to relaxation.