Jenny listened to the voice message from Colin with mixed emotions. Part of her wanted to smile at how sweet he sounded over the phone. The other part of her counseled to avoid being swayed by the sound of his voice. She had already made up her mind not to continue going out with him. Her reasons were very specific and justified. He wasn’t serious enough. He lacked motivation. He wasn’t sensitive enough to her needs. For each reason, she could relive a detailed example of that failing.
While at first his message made her smile a little inside, now it just made her angry. She was going to have to be blunt and tell him not to call her anymore. It was just so frustrating. It wasn’t fair! Why couldn’t she find the right type of man?
A small tendril of despair threatened to creep into her thoughts, but she quickly banished it away with the force of her own convictions. She would never, ever be taken advantage of by any man again. If she set a high bar, it was for her own protection. It was better this way. Until the right man came along, she determined to stand guard over herself and not let anyone in. As she thought this to herself, Jenny felt bars of anger drop down over her heart. They felt familiar and safe. Not again, not ever.
When bad things happen to you, the effects cast ripples over the surface of your life. Intense anger can radiate out from a traumatic event. You have already read the adjectives used for anger that speak to its power and fury. Anger this powerful can be termed rage, a violent and uncontrolled anger. This kind of anger does not stop at the threshold of common sense or compassion or even truth. Rather, fueled by the horror of injustice, and oppression of bad things, it consumes everything in its path. In doing so, this kind of rage causes damage of its own, apart from whatever damage was caused by the initial event or circumstances.
SOURCE: Chapter 6: “Why Shouldn’t I Be Angry When Life is Unfair” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.