People who lack validation in their lives fail to understand their own value and worth. Without validation, it is difficult to have a concept of self-worth. Without an understanding of intrinsic value, a person will often look outside of self to find that validation. Instead of looking inside to anchor your belief in your value as a person, you hook that belief to the passing whims of circumstance, culture, and conditions.
Your belief in your value as a person can be ripped from you, leaving you grasping for the next handhold to come along. This was Megan’s life. Her hold on self-worth was only as strong as whatever relationship she was in. When that relationship ended, her sense of value as a person evaporated, leaving her frantic and desperate to begin another relationship. Within any relationship she had, she kept looking to the wrong party to anchor her sense of self.
She chose the person who always left instead of the person who was always there — Megan herself.
It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking your worth as a person comes from what you do instead of who you are. It is also easy to see your worth as being reflected off others instead of shining out from inside. When you allow other people or outside situations to provide your validation, you make yourself hostage to them.
When we validate ourselves, we recognize our worth. Notice I didn’t say we generate our worth or create our worth or cause our worth. Each of us has a worth, a value that we did not generate, create, or cause for ourselves. This value is inherent in us as people; this value is a gift from God.
IT’S WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU DO
Each person is unique, looked over and loved by God. One of my favorite psalms in Scripture is Psalm 139 because it speaks of the intimate and loving relationship God has with each one of us. God knows us as individuals, not just as an anonymous blob in the mass of humanity. He knows nour name and everything about us.
Jesus in Luke 12:6-7 explains that we have great value to God and that “the very hairs of [our heads] are all numbered” (v.7). Do you know yourself well enough to know how many hairs you have at any given time? This may seem like rhetorical hyperbole, but it is meant to illustrate that God, your loving Father, knows who you are.
God knows you and loves you, as you. Your value and worth as a person do not derive from what you do or who you’re in a relationship with. It doesn’t spring out of how much money you make or how attractive you are or how many times you can get an answer right. Your value is deeply rooted in your identity in God.
Genesis 1:27 clearly says that God made you in His image. You are, as Psalm 139:14 says, “fearfully and wonderfully made.” This isn’t talking about that part of you that comes directly from God, who verse 13 says crafted your creation.
God made you who you are and loves you for who you are. This is the bedrock foundati0n for self-worth. This is self-worth anchored in God; this is your special identity safe and protected in God’s hands. You can validate yourself by recognizing your worth in Him.