Families of Those With Eating Disorders: 12 Characteristics

April 15, 2010   •  Posted in: 

We often think we cannot live without the ingrained patterns of our past — whether they be good or bad, positive or negative. But people who lose weight permanently know that if they are to grow in every area of their lives they must look at every area 0f their lives.

The following are characteristics of families of those with food-related problems:

1. Perfectionistic, including high expectations from the father, either verbal or nonverbal. This most often applies to the first-born.

2. Mother frequently dieted, accompanied by an over-emphasis on weight and appearance, compulsive dieting and fasting, diarrhetic use or laxative use.

3. Father distant, fueling an intense desire to to please the father who is typically emotionally unavailable.

4. Parent (0ften the mother) is co-dependent, often denying her own needs and assuming responsibility for everyone else.

5. Rigid discipline with severe punishment, including guilt and shame used as motivation, and perhaps humiliating or hurtful punishment.

6. Sexuality ignored or considered “dirty,” neglecting to give children basic information about sex or no opportunity to discuss sexual issues.

7. Daughters used as confidantes, perhaps with the father complaining to the daughter about the mother, and in fact the child may be used as the parent’s primary form of emotional support.

8. Children forced to be adults, especially daughters who “raised” siblings and children who are not allowed to be children themselves.

9. Children victimized in any way, which may include fondling, incest, neglect or verbal abuse.

10. Parent (often the father) addicted to prescription drugs, alcohol or street drugs.

11. Family members tend to ignore or deny negative emotions, often resulting in explosive anger, or anger and sadness never addressed, even to the point of covering up negative emotions just to please others.

12. Overuse of food for pleasure or reward, with food serving as the primary focus for pleasure and emphasis placed on sweets and rich desserts.

For your ongoing emotional growth and your permanent weight loss, it is important that you look at whether you have avoided — and may still be avoiding — intimacy on some level. Intimacy issues have interfered in your life and sabotaged your success at weight loss.

Now is the time to say, “I need help.”

There’s no point in blaming your past, your family, or even a former abuser, if any. You have simply had numerous unmet needs that you attempted to address through intimacy with food. Now you are moving away from such erroneous thinking and are moving toward joining the two percent of people who lose weight permanently.

SOURCE: Chapter 7, “Developing Intimacy With People,” in Losing Weight Permanently by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

Review Blog Schedule (every weekday devoted to excerpts from a different book)

Follow Dr. Jantz on Twitter

Fan Dr. Jantz on Facebook

Dr. Gregory Jantz

Pioneering Whole Person Care over thirty years ago, Dr. Gregory Jantz is an innovator in the treatment of mental health. He is a best-selling author of over 45 books, and a go-to media authority on behavioral health afflictions, appearing on CBS, ABC, NBC, Fox, and CNN. Dr. Jantz leads a team of world-class, licensed, and...

Read More

Related Posts

Your Relationship With Food: Facing the Truth

By: Dr. Gregory Jantz  •  April 29, 2010

A brilliant woman pianist once gave an intimate performance for a group of society women in the sun-drenched library of a country estate. Later, while dessert was being served, a guest approached the pianist, gushing, "I would give anything in the world to play as you play." The virtuoso looked...

Narcissistic Abuse and Codependency: What’s the Link?

By: Dr. Gregory Jantz  •  February 20, 2023

You’ve probably heard of the term “narcissist.” The formal term to describe a narcissist is “narcissistic personality disorder,” and it’s an official mental health diagnosis that’s included in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual. Not everyone with narcissistic personality disorder is abusive, and people can and do heal from this condition. However,...

Emotional Abuse: The Illusionist

By: Dr. Gregory Jantz  •  January 29, 2016

“Bill is such a great guy!” Carly smiled and made some sort of neutral comment. It did absolutely no good to dispute the evidence of Bill’s obvious charm. He was engaging, witty, energetic, and charismatic. People liked him. She knew the feeling. When Carly first met Bill, she was overwhelmed...

Get Started Now

"*" indicates required fields

Name*
By providing your phone number, you consent to receive calls or texts from us regarding your inquiry.
Main Concerns*
By submitting this form, I agree to receive marketing text messages from aplaceofhope.com at the phone number provided. Message frequency may vary, and message/data rates may apply. You can reply STOP to any message to opt out. Read our Privacy Policy
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Whole Person Care

The whole person approach to treatment integrates all aspects of a person’s life:

  • Emotional well-being
  • Physical health
  • Spiritual peace
  • Relational happiness
  • Intellectual growth
  • Nutritional vitality