Our children need to love themselves and they need to learn to extend that love to others. When children love others, they are empathetic. Instead of reacting to others, they learn to respond by reading the emotional states of others.
If the parenting model you grew up with was fundamentally flawed, you may be at a loss to determine what is normal and what is not, what is helpful and what is harmful.
It is so important for you to be able to identify the burdens from past relationships that may be slowing down your rate of recovery.
Julie looked up and scanned the bleachers. Nope, he wasn’t there yet. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself for the fact he probably wouldn’t make it — again. When it came to her swim meets, something always seemed to come up — an unscheduled conference, last-minute call, an unexpected rush of work. Getting focused …
This soundtrack you’ve been living with wasn’t recorded overnight. Instead, it’s a compilation of messages you’ve heard, impressions and impacts you’ve assimilated, and conclusions you’ve reached over the course of your life.
It appears that when boys—or men—are engaged fully in a task, they develop a sort of tunnel vision. This ability to concentrate has some advantages, as it allows for minimal disruption due to distractions and, presumably, increased productivity.
Children who are abused may adapt by retaining a habit of constant vigilance—as though they’re constantly under a state of siege. Their worlds are populated not by security but by patterns of risk and attack.
Adults who take out their anger on children rarely are truthful about the source of that anger and hostility. Some shift the blame unfairly to their punching bag of choice, placing the burden of their actions, as well as the reasons for the actions, on the child.
Have you ever been so mad at someone (it doesn’t have to be a parent) that it’s all you could think about? Every time you were around that person, you kept thinking about how mad you were. You didn’t want to be around that person.
I believe a negative pattern of worry is established in childhood, based upon life circumstances, experiences, and perceptions. So, in order to find a way out, you need to be able to backtrack along your way in, to where worry started in the first place.
Teenagers are on the cusp of their future. They’re still grounded in childhood but can easily see adulthood just off in the distance. They’re chomping at the bit to grow up and dragging their feet at the same time.
Sadly, many of us grow into adulthood with a list of childhood truths that can include many false and incomplete truths. Families, for good or ill, give us our first lessons about ourselves.