Posts Tagged ‘The Center for Counseling and Health Resources’

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Right Words are Healing Words: How What You Say Affects Your Family

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

The words you use are vital to the SOAR concept for your family — Supported, Optimistic, Active and Achieving, and Responsible. In fact, the words you use are vital in all areas of your relationship with your family. Consider these three Scripture verses:

“Pleasant words promote instruction.” ~Proverbs 16:21

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” ~Proverbs 16:24

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” ~Proverbs 17:27

Do you see the importance of the words you use to communicate SOAR concepts and your demeanor while presenting them? You want your attitude and your words to be pleasant, not critical, and your demeanor to be even-tempered, not frustrated.

Now, you may ask, Why all this focus on my words? What does it matter what I say, as long as I tell the truth? The answer is found in Job 6:25, which says, “How painful are honest words! But what do your arguments prove?” When family members are resistant to positive changes, confronting them with the truth about their negative behavior and your positive changes may be necessary.

But, as Job says, it’s important to be aware of what your arguments will prove.

You don’t want to win your argument by crushing or belittling your opponent, especially if that “opponent” is a reluctant child or reticent spouse. SOAR is not meant to be coercive, nor is it meant to give you “ammunition” to blast your family for past mistakes or behaviors.

Your family will listen to what you say and how you say it to determine its validity and how to respond. Your words will  be either your greatest ally or your greatest enemy in motivating your family.

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” ~Proverbs 12:18)

Be a healer to your family through the wise words you choose.

SOURCE: Chapter 2, “S is for Support,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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National Eating Disorder Awareness Week: Hope, Help and Healing

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

To raise awareness and encourage healthier habits, the National Eating Disorder Association named this National Eating Disorder Awareness Week — 7 days every February when this country turns its attention to eating habits that negatively impact the lives of millions of Americans each year in the form of the following eating disorders:

  • Anorexia
  • Bulimia
  • Compulsive overeating
  • Binge eating

In support of this movement to raise awareness, I will devote every blog post this week to the subject of eating disorders, starting today with an excerpt from my blog for PBS’ series This Emotional Life. It includes an excerpt from my book, Hope, Help and Healing: A New Approach to Treating Anorexia, Bulimia, and Overeating, from which I will be pulling material all week long.

“The key to an eating disorder lies in relationships, usually the closest of them all – relationships within the family. As noted in my book Hope, Help & Healing for Eating Disorders: A new approach to treating anorexia, bulimia and overeating:

”The behaviors surrounding an eating disorder are the result of a relationship – perhaps several relationships – tilting off the mark. You may be able to pinpoint immediately where and when your life diverged from what you wanted it to be. Or maybe you can trace a slow slide from the ideal to the real.’ [Read more, including Emily's story...]

For more information, click here to learn what you can do to support National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

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Goodbye Crutches: Permanent Weight Loss Action Plan

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

You’ve weathered some great turbulence with diets that haven’t worked. You’ve perhaps exhibited some extreme behavior for which you are not proud. But that is all in the past. None of that matters now because you are on an exciting new pilgrimage of courage and hope.

God has preserved your for a reason: to grow you into the loving, caring person he designed you to be. Your body has proven to be resilient. This means you can go back and recapture the health and vitality you once enjoyed.  You can be among the 2 percent of people who lose weight permanently, and this great venture can start today by following action plans.

Action Plan: Say Goodbye to Your Crutches

1) You no longer need to weigh yourself because weight is no longer an issues. Ask yourself: Do I want to weigh a certain amount, or do I want to feel good about myself and my life? Here’s what I want you to do. Put your bathroom scale in a closet or in the attic where you can get to it if necessary. But try to avoid using it. It’s a crutch.

2) If you have unopened, packaged diet food that’s been in your cupboard for months, wrap it up and put it in the box with the items that follow in #3. You dont need this food anymore. It’s a crutch.

3) You may have items of clothing you’ve been hanging on to since you fit into a size four or five: a pair of jeans you wore in high school, or a bathing suit that looked terrific when you were twenty-one. You may have worn those clothes to draw attention to your body when you were starving yourself down to 101 pounds. Now, you continue to hang on to the false belief that you’ll once again get into them. (You might, but not for the same reasons.) Put all those items of clothing in a box with the packaged food and secure it with strapping tape strong enough to make it difficult to open.

4) Now place the sealed box in your attic or storeroom, where you know you can get to it if necessary. Then, in big black letters write on the box: FALSE CRUTCHES. Put today’s date on the box. You no longer need those tangibles to help you lose weight. However, if you ever feel you need to wear or eat what’s in the box, go get it. We’re not taking things away from you. We are only creating distance between you and the things which are guaranteed to impede your progress.

People who lose weight permanently take the initiative and remove all false crutches from their lives and begin living from the inside out. Please carry out each of the suggestions in this Action Plan now, because they they have been clinically proven to help protect you from sneak attacks which are sure to come.

SOURCE: Chapter 1, Losing Weight Permanently: Secrets of the 2 Percent Club by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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4 Ways To Keep Your Kids Healthy: What YOU Can Do

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

Creating a healthy and balanced environment for your child to SOAR — emotionally, relationally, physically and spiritually — revolves around four interconnected elements that I touched upon in last Wednesday’s blog post and go into greater detail below. These are the key components to creating healthy habits for healthy kids when it comes to nutrition, exercise and other elements of whole-person health:

1) Support. Children are very sensitive to adult nuances. They interpret the moods and attitudes of the adults around them and make judgments based upon their own understanding. Sometimes those judgments are center-straight, and sometimes they are skewed by a child’s misperception. That you consistently convey a positive attitude of love, acceptance, and support for your child and for those healthy changes is therefore vitally important.

You must be your child’s greatest advocate. All of the good you are trying to do can be undone if your child perceives there is something wrong or unlovable about him or her which is necessitating these changes. He or she receives enough negative pressure from the culture and environment without feeling deficient at home. Please remember that living a healthy life benefits everyone and should not be portrayed as a punishment for being overweight, inactive, or unhealthy.

2) Optimism. You child strives to live up to your expectations. If those expectations aren’t very high, your child interprets the reason as your belief that he or she is not capable. While you don’t want to set the bar so high that no one could reach it, you don’t want to set it so low that nothing is accomplished. How do you maintain a balance for yourself between too high and too low of expectations? By consistently presenting opportunities for positive change while praising your child for every victory, no matter how small.

And remember, as you provide this environment for your child, you’re also providing it for yourself. Don’t be afraid to expect good things from you! As a family, you are all in it it together. As a parent, you are in the driver’s seat in so many ways. I encourage you to believe in yourself, believe in your child, and believe that God is with you.

3) Active achievement. One of the primary areas in which we need to encourage our child’s achievement is in the realm of physical activity. Your child needs to get out and play, move, exercise, and have fun physically. This is the only way he or she can acheive a healthy, active physical lifestyle. You’ll need to make adjustments to your own schedule and habits in order for this to happen. As much as possible, you need to spend active time with your children. As an active, vibrant person yourself, you can motivate your child to desire the same.

4) Responsibility. Children are the best judges of when they are hungry. They are not, however, the best judges of what to eat when they are hungry. High-calorie, high-fat, high-sugar food and drink sing out a siren song to today’s children.

As a responsible parent, your job is not to forbid certain types of food but rather to help your child understand healthy food and nutrition. From this basis, your child can make positive food choices whether you are present or not. And as you choose what you will have available and prepare for your child, you help create a palate that appreciates healthy food and is able to withstand the constant temptation of unhealthy choices. Taking responsibility in this area will provide a wonderful model for the other, nonfood areas of growing up.

SOURCE: Introduction to Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Stress Survey: Who Are You?

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

We could fill an entire book on the stress we face just in trying to make it from day to day, with sufficient illustrations of pathological personalities to depress us all. Instead, I want us to look at some specific, postive ways to move beyond the prison of the there and then to the excitement of living an emotionally healthy life in the here and now.

Take a few moments and answer the following questions. Your answers will help you determine whether or not you are living out a previous, largely erroneous life script or whether you are doing a creative rewrite of ancient copy that is more in line with whom you have chosen to become today. Answer yes, often, sometimes or no to the following:

Are you weary and tired with your work?

1) Are you drained emotionally?

2) Do you hate waking up in the morning because you have to go to the same old job again?

3) Does your work frustrate you?

4) Do you clash with colleagues at work, often finding yourself at your wit’s end?

5) Do you ever think about death as your only means of escape?

Are you callous toward others?

1) Do you regard others as objects more than people

2) Do you have a hard attitude toward colleagues at work?

3) Do you rejoice to see a coworker endure a hardship, especially if you feel that person has wronged you?

Have you thrown away your dreams?

1) Do you blame others for your lack of success?

2) Have you stopped making plans to do great things with your life?

3) Do you regard life as little more than a treadmill?

4) Is life just one big disappointment after another?

Are you an emotional hermit?

1) Do you avoid people who make your life stressful?

2) Do you feel others drain you and take value from you?

3) Do you enjoy being the Lone Ranger and a law unto yourself?

4) Is there any value to you in self-imposed isolation?

If you answered no or only sometimes to most of these questions, you are well on your way to living an emotionally fulfilling life. If, however, you said yes or often to most of the questions, you may well be at some stage of emotional exhaustion. That means you are becoming weaker, not stronger.

These questions lead you to the larger question: Are you getting on with your life with courage and enthusiasm, knowing that somehow you will fulfill your dreams, or have you all but thrown in the towel? Your answers reflect how you see yourself today but they also may suggest that you are still believing and living out too many of the lies your life script may have been feeding you.

Next Tuesday: Know Your Gifts

SOURCE: Chapter 2: “The Long Journey from Darkness to Light” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Drowning in Anger, Fear and Guilt: Beth’s Journey Through Depression

Monday, February 15th, 2010

If you feel inexplicable anger, fear or guilt on a regular ongoing basis, as Beth’s story illustrates depression may be to blame.

What is wrong with me? Beth wondered. The worry, never far from the surface of her thoughts, intruded again. But still, Beth had no answer. She felt run-down, listless, and unable to generate energy or enthusiasm about anything. She made sure her kids were taken care of and pantomimed her way through a declining number of social functions, but she couldn’t remember the last time she could honestly say she felt good.

Her husband had even commented on her early nights to bed — without him — and her inexplicable lethargy. She wasn’t eating, and her clothes had begun to droop on her diminished frame. Even wearing bright colors seemed like a lie. Her smile was a pale echo of its former self, detached from any presumed goodwill.

And it wasn’t just her inability to feel joy that frightened Beth. As she went through the motions 0f cleaning up her youngest son’s scraped knee, she realized she couldn’t even feel bad for him. Empathy had left too. Picking him up, kissing his cheek, cleaning his wound and bandaging it, all had been accomplished without the expected emotional attachment. She could display a form of concern, but it was without substance. What is wrong with me? she continued to ask herself. Where did my passion for life go?

Just Who Do You Think You Are?

The answers to the question, “Why do I feel this way?” come from a variety of sources. Many important answers come from the first aspect of the whole-person view we refer to as the emotional self.

One of the key areas we consider when assisting clients in recovery from depression during therapy is how the person feels about himself or herself. In essence, we say to our clients, “Tell me who you are and why.” If clients are not optimistic and hopeful about their own future, depression can establish a stranglehold. Once established, depression produces the negative self-talk that reinforces feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, and helplessness. The person’s optimism is drowned in a flood of negative effects from excessive anger, fear, and guilt. Over and over again we have seen the damage done by these three emotions spilling over their appropriate boundaries and inundating a person’s sense of self-worth. In almost every case, this trio of emotions holds the key to depression.

This is not to say that anger, fear, and guilt are completely negative. If someone treats us poorly, it is natural for us to feel anger over the injustice. If we are threatened in some way, it is appropriate to be fearful. If we have done something clearly wrong, it is helathy for us to feel guilt. This kind of anger helps energize us to protect and defend ourselves. This kind of fear motivates us to quickly seek a solution to our danger. This kind of guilt produces the remorse that causes us to change our behavior.

In proper proportion, the emotions of anger, fear, and guilt are healthy, appropriate emotions. But, as with many things, too much of them can wreak havoc. Left unresolved, these three emotions can eat away at your sense of optimism, hope, and joy.

Learn more about depression here, including 30 conditions that may signify depression.

SOURCE: Chapter 1: “Emotional Currents,” Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Who I Am: The Truth of the Human Condition

Friday, February 12th, 2010

The journey to healing begins with this truth of the human condition: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). This is the landscape we live in and travel through. Trauma and suffering occur as a natural consequence of life. We don’t need to go looking for it; it finds us easily enough. And we bring it along ourselves.

In a fallen world, we trip over holes of our own design and those made by others. When multiple holes confront us, we find it difficult to recognize the difference between the two kinds of holes. We blame ourselves for the holes caused by others, and we blame others for the holes we’ve dug. “Our role is to recognize our limits and to transcend those limits,” says Dr. Henry Townsend, “by looking outside of ourselves for life.” (How People Grow, 31).

By looking outside of ourselves — that is, to God’s help and insight — we are able to discern the truth. Knowing what holes are caused by others helps us avoid the trap of false guilt. Understanding what holes we dig ourselves helps us avoid the trap of denial.

SOURCE: Chapter 1: “Truth,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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How to Stress for Success: Dan’s Story Part II

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

You can read Part I of Dan’s story here – a story he shares, in his own words, in hopes that his journey through depression will inspire others to seek help too.

“I just could not figure out how to start feeling good. I had passed burnout and had moved on to emotional exhaustion. I went to several doctors who put me on antidepressants and other drugs that simply masked my symptoms. It was the classic story of knocking on all the right doors but never receiving the right kind of help. I knew I needed to take control of my life, but doing it was a joke. Most days, I used up the full amount of my energy just to breathe.

“On those days when I had my wits about me, I knew the alcohol that had become my friend was a faulty mechanism for coping with my stress. I was also aware that I wasn’t eating properly, wasn’t getting enough sleep, and was in a state of constant denial.

“Then it hit me: I was also dying spiritually.

“My love for God and the church was gone. Fellowship with other Christians meant nothing to me. I made sure I kept myself at a safe distance from those who might help me. I had to have my father intervene in helping me with my bookkeeping; I couldn’t even trust myself with my checking account. Without my father’s wise, practical counsel, I’m sure I would have been ruined financially. I had become incapable of making the most insignificant personal business decision.

“I knew if I didn’t do something fast, it would be all over: business, marriage, and all my personal dreams for success. That’s when I finally decided to get help — not from a bottle of pills or alcohol but from those who still loved me enough to hang in there with me.

“Once again I started to believe what I have been telling clients for years: No one can make you happy without your approval…. If you believe that God is dead, something in you no longer lives…. Evil takes hold when self-neglect takes root.

“My road back to sobriety and emotional well-being was not easy, and I assure you it didn’t happen overnight. It took time, prayer, energy, the love of a faithful — although often angry or distraught — wife, and the undying compassion of a merciful God. But eventually I was able to put the pieces back together and regain control of my life.”

Why do I tell you Dan’s story? Certainly not because he was proud of the fires he put himself and his wife through. If anything, it embarrasses him to tell it. But I have his permission because he hopes his tale of pain and denial will help someone else.

Perhaps this story can serve as a touchstone for you, regardless of your situation, to help you do what is necessary to learn to become strong again.

SOURCE: Chapter 1: “Coming Apart at the Seams” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Try On a New Sign, One That Reads “Valued By God”

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Have you seen them on the side of the road? On a freeway off-ramp or a city intersection?

They hold up handwritten signs: “Homeless — will work for food” or “Needy — please help.” In those few seconds, before you make the turn or the light changes, it’s easy to see just the sign, just the circumstances. But have you ever really stopped to look at their faces, or do you accept the sign at face value? It’s easy to identify them with their “condition” and whatever regrettable circumstances brought them begging for money and food.

It’s so sad what people are reduced to, you may think to yourself. God would agree.

Cathy wore her large sign at all time. It said “unworthy.” She’s been instructed to make and wear this sign growing up. In the midst of a household full of other children with a distant father and a controlling mother, Cathy was the “unworthy” child. Other children in the family were given signs such as “favored” or “accepted.” For reasons she could never quite grasp, which became irrelevant to her miserable situation, her mother singled Cathy out for disdain.

Meanwhile, her siblings became accustomed to their mother treating Cathy this way, and they accepted her sign as well. Terrified they should somehow end up with Cathy’s sign, they subtly reinforced her sign with their own behavior toward her. Cathy could never seem to do anything right or compensate for all the faults her mother found in her. It wasn’t, however, for lack of trying.

You see, Cathy accepted the sign and used it as motivation to try to please others, even as an adult.

Sin was an easy concept for Cathy. She was well prepared to understand herself as unworthy before God. The more she came to know Jesus, however, the greater the trouble she had with her sign. It chafed and felt uncomfortable. “But I am unworthy of you, Lord,” she would protest.

“Cathy,” God kept telling her, “you think the sign says ‘unworthy,’ but it really reads ‘worthless,’ and you are far from worthless.” Finally, Cathy understood the incredible value God placed upon her life and her soul.

Though it still feels odd, Cathy now displays her true sign: “Valued by God.”

SOURCE: Chapter 1: “Truth,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Lose Weight for Good: Introducing Secrets from The 2 Percent Club

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

As a nation, we have a problem — a serious problem:

  • It’s estimated that one in three Americans is overweight, an increase of 30 percent in the last 10 years
  • 44 percent of high school girls and 15 percent of high school boys report that they are trying to lose weight
  • 50 percent of adult females and 24 percent of adult males are on a diet on any given occasion
  • It’s now estimated that 10 percent of Americans have disordered eating

Unfortunately, the battle of the bulge for most is not getting any easier. That’s why my colleagues and I at The Center for Counseling and Health Resources are concerned about people and their weight challenges. But, unlike other weight-loss programs, we do not isolate weight as a single issue. We don’t focus on the use of scales or on a daily regimen of checking to see how much has been lost or gained in the last week. Our whole person approach does not encourage people to tally calories, check body fat, or count cholesterol and sodium. This is because people who lose weight permanently do not rely on the stuff most diets are made of.

Progress … not Perfection

Instead of working toward perfection in weight management, the members of the two percent club inch toward progress. They come to understand that food is not the issue, because if food were the problem, then diets would be the answer. People who lose weight permanently understand they no longer need to rely on food for solace and comfort. No longer do such people feel trapped and immobilized by weight. Instead, they begin to see themselves as individuals for which the issue of weight is only one component. That is the exhilarating thing about this approach.

The diet mentality is based on the belief that thin is good and fat is bad. People begin dieting to become thin and good, only to set in motion an endless cycle of pain and dieting failure.

When I started seeing Carol for weight counseling, she had already been on 13 different diets, none of which had worked. In fact, after each diet fiasco Carol always gained back the weight she lost, plus a few extra pounds. You can imagine how large she’d become after putting her body through such intense shock over so many years. I’d estimated that since junior high Carol had probably shed a total of three to four hundred pounds. Yet she continued to begin every diet with a vague sense of hope that this one will work; I know I’ll make it this time…. Just one more shot at this and I’ll be thin…. I know I’ll be successful with this one.

But every diet was just another breaktaking roller coaster ride of self-delusion and false promises, with her depression dipping lower each time as yet one more diet provided painful and ineffective. During and after each unsuccessful diet experience, Carol’s highs were high and her lows lower on more than one occasion. She had come to the end of the line. She now knew that diets didn’t work and never would. Her question was what would work?

How did this terible diet mania start? What put Carol on the hopeless path of eating disorders in the first place? What had gone on in her past to create a foundation of pain that dogged her steps well into adulthood?

Next Thursday: Carol’s story continues.

SOURCE: Chapter 1, Losing Weight Permanently: Secrets of the 2 Percent Club by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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