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R is for Responsible for My Emotions

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Just as children come in all body types, they also come in all emotional types. Some children are natural stoics. Some children have a seemingly endless supply of pendular emotions. Other children are one-sided emotionally, reacting to a variety of situations with a specific emotional response, such as anger or disappointment. You may have emotionally different children but one desired outcome — for each child to become responsible for his or her emotional response.

KNOWING YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL STATE

Before we begin to talk about your child, we need to talk about you.

As the adult role model, you need to have your emotional act together. Just as your own poor food choices can make it difficult for your children to eat responsibly, your poor emotional choices can make it difficult for your children to react responsibly. Your emotional stability, or lack thereof, provides an environment for your child’s emerging emotions.

Think for a moment how you usually respond to the following situations with your child — not what you hope you’ll do or what you think you should do but your standard response.

  1. How do you respond when your child whines?
  2. How do you respond when your child is excited?
  3. How do you respond when your child is angry?
  4. How do you respond when your child is happy?
  5. How do you respond when your child is defiant?
  6. How do you respond when your child is hopeful?
  7. How do you respond when your child is sad?
  8. How do you respond when your child is right?
  9. How are your responses to others different from how you respond to y9ur child?

The way you respond to your child, and to others, speaks volumes. As the adult, you set the emotional tone for your child, affecting his or her own emotional response. So now take the time to go through the same nine questions again, this time answering with the healthy responses you would like to emulate in the future.

ASK FOR HELP

Father, thank you for making us as  diverse emotionally as we are physically. Help me to know and understand my child’s emotions. I confess I’ve allowed the sun to go down on my own anger. I accept that my emotional stability is a model for my child. Help me to allow my child to experience and express emotions. Alert me to any difficulty my child has with emotional stability, and help me to subdue my pride in order to get needed help. Amen.

SOURCE: Chapter 7, “R is for Responsible for My Emotions,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Learned Invisibility: Are You In Hiding?

Monday, March 29th, 2010

“I don’t know who I am,” Kevin said softly to himself. It was as if he had amnesia, except he realized he hadn’t forgotten his past; he had just never really known who he was. Kevin thought about his childhood and teenage years and realized he had never felt fully present or actively engaged. It seemed to him that he was always moving on the edges of life.

When Kevin was a small child, he was just Danny’s younger brother.

Danny was older and smarter and stronger. Danny was larger than life — at least larger than Kevin’s life. When he was in junior high, he’d relished his intentional ability to seem invisible — it had been an excruciatingly awkward time when anonymity was often a blessing.

In high school, Kevin blended in as one of a group of guys, unremarkable individually, but who found solidity in numbers. Adrift after high school, he never finished college and instead found his identify in managing a fast-food restaurant. Adulthood meant recognition as a uniform and a nametag not as an individual.

When Kevin got married, he became Sheryl’s husband, she being much more outgoing than he. It was the same after the kids came. His identity expanded to Heidi and Steven’s father. But the older they got, the less they seemed to need him.

As he thought about it, Kevin realized his sense of self always came as a corollary to someone else.

“If  I’m going to get over this,” he said, “I’ve got to learn who I am.”

LEARNED INVISIBILITY

When Kevin came to us, it wasn’t because of any major trauma in his life. Yes, his kids were teenagers, but they were doing fairly well with the adolescent transition. He’d settled into a comfortable relationship with Sheryl and his job was stable. Yet Kevin was battling a profound depression. He didn’t understand why and couldn’t see any way out of it.

What began as a couple of sessions of counseling through his employee assistance program at work became a yearlong journey through his young adulthood, into early middle age. Through this journey, Kevin became acquainted with someone he’d never really taken time to know before — Kevin.

In Kevin’s household there was only room for one dominant personality — his mother. She ran the household, her husband, and her children. Opinionated and vocal, her personality permeated the entire house. She did not allow others to express strong feelings, either positive or negative. She was the conductor of all thoughts, feelings, and opinions in the house. Others could attempt to express themselves but only at her direction. Kevin’s older brother, Danny, waged a constant battle, chafing against these restrictions. As he watched the fallout between this clash of wills, Kevin determined never to be put in that position.

Unlike Danny, Kevin was afraid of his mother.

Over the years Kevin developed a pattern of withdrawing into himself, of becoming “invisible” around his mother, forcing himself to merge his identity and personality into hers. What she liked, he liked. What she didn’t, he didn’t. If he had a different feeling or reaction, he did not express it. He came to understand that this was the tactic used by his father, who seemed to “click” himself off whenever Kevin’s mother entered the room, retreating to the television or the newspaper.

Kevin continued this pattern by aligning himself with other, more dominant, personalities. He allowed himself to take his sense of identity from other people in his life. It seemed safer that way.

This pattern produced a perception that Kevin was unremarkable, that he had few thoughts and opinions, that he was a follower and not a leader. He became the type who would be chosen by a leader, but not chosen to lead. By the time he reached middle age, Kevin was no longer content to be considered unremarkable. He longed for others to see him as a person of value and worth. But he was afraid it was too late. Kevin was afraid he would spend his whole life hiding in the shadows.

In order to overcome depression, Kevin needed to understand that it was safe to come out of hiding.

Are you depressed? Though no replacement for a formal diagnosis,  this survey can help you recognize the signs.

SOURCE: Chapter 5, “Family Dynamics,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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From Guilt Cycle to Bicycle: Lose the Rules & Just Exercise!

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

What are the first three words that come to your mind when you think “exercise?”

Many people would write words like, boring, time-consuming, expensive. But when it comes to exercise, the most important questions people ask are, “How can I make exercise fun? What can I do that is so enjoyable that I’ll look forward to doing it day after day, week after week, year after year?

Exercise must be fully compatible with you and your personality. If you hate to run, don’t run, because if you hate it, you won’t do it. If a sweaty, inconvenient five-day-a-week regimen in a local fitness club is not for you, don’t do it.Exercise is not about feeling guilty for what you can’t — or choose not to — do.

The guiltier you feel, the less exercise you will do, and the less exercise you do, the guiltier you will feel, and your guilt cycle will produce depression, confusion, and anger to the point where your entire system may simply close down. The solution: Do what is right for you.

Choose an activity that is fun. For many people, the best initial exercise program is simply to walk. Walking requires no expensive club dues, no unique clothing or special shoes, no time limits, no stop watches, no subscriptions to fitness magazines, no nothing. With walking there are also no excuses. If it’s hot, walk early. If it’s raining, wear a raincoat or carry an umbrella, then come home and take a hot shower. It’s one of the most invigorating feelings ever. Try it.

NO EXCUSES PLEASE

People who lose weight permanently are realistic, and they make their activity program work for them. Exercise is their slave, not their master. When they walk, they know it directs a hefty supply of oxygen to their lungs, gives them a chance to be away from their busy life for a few moments, helps them think about their progress toward permanent weight loss, gives them a few moments to listen to the birds, smell the flowers, and spend quality time with their spouse, a neighbor, or a friend as they take on the familiar and unfamiliar streets and lanes of their neighborhood.

An exercise you choose to do because it’s right for you makes you feel good. Before long you begin to experience a wonderful freedom from depression and guilt. The right kind of exercise — that you choose — can actually put joy back into your life, while diets — or expensive health clubs you join because you feel guilty for not working out — invariably rob you of your job.

Bottom line: There are no rules for exercise, absolutely none! Cliche as it sounds, just do it!

SOURCE: Chapter 5, “From Guilt Cycle to Bicycle,” in Losing Weight Permanently: Secrets of the 2 Percent Club by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Are You Doing Too Much, Or Too Little? How Activity Level Causes Depression

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Over the years it is possible for the activities and responsibilities of life to layer, each on top of the others. The combined weight of all these activities and responsibilities can be crushing. One of the first steps in taking stock of your life is to look at what you are doing.

Depression can occur when your activities are out of balance in the following ways:

  • You have too many activities, and the sum of them outweighs their individual value. When you’ve got too many things going collectively, you’re too busy to enjoy any of them individually.
  • You have many activities but too few worthwhile ones. When the sum of your activities is draining, it interferes with the worthwhile ones.
  • You have too few activities in your life. When your biggest activity is inactivity, you rob yourself of the stimulation and engagement of purpose and people.

If you have developed a pattern of tying self-worth to activity, you may find it difficult to let go of some of the things you are dong. If you have developed a pattern of believing in your own incompetence, taking on new pursuits may frighten you with their potential for failure. If you have developed a pattern of being afraid of making mistakes, an honest appraisal of why you are engaging in an activity may be uncomfortable because of needed changes it might reveal.

ALTERING PERCEPTIONS

Your life patterns are the result of your perception or view of life and what you believed would happen. They are often forged in childhood. Once you understand your personal life patterns, you will be better equipped to discover certain perceptions and expectations that led you to either negative or positive actions.

If you have the perception that your life is always supposed to be smooth sailing, the inevitable ups and downs can cause great anxiety. Down times are not put into proper perspective, because you don’t consider them to be legitimate in your life. Down times are supposed to happen to other people but not to you. If you are unprepared to deal with these down times, then confusion, frustration, and depression can result.

If you have the perception that you don’t deserve to be happy, you will filter the events of your life to make sure you aren’t content. Good things will be met with suspicion, and bad things will be welcomed as old friends.

If you have the perception that the only way for you to be safe is to be in control, you will have a heightened sense of anxiety over life events. Since people are rarely in total control over their environment, and never in control of other people, this perception leaves a persistent, nagging feeling of insecurity. This perpetual sense of unease can lead to anxiety and depression.

By acknowledging negative perceptions, you can move forward toward a view of life that is neither unrealistically rosy nor unrelentingly gray. Acknowledging your pace, patterns, and perceptions allows you to control and alter them to support your optimism, hope, and joy, even when life throws you a curve.

Are you depressed? Though no replacement for a formal diagnosis,  this survey can help you recognize the signs.

SOURCE: Chapter 4, “Living Life On Purpose,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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A is for Active: Tips for Time-Crunched Parents

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Helping your family to be active and achieving helps them to find and fulfill their purpose in God. As we look at the specifics of how to increase the activity of your family, please be aware that it will come with a cost. The cost will come in the form of your time and commitment. You must spend time with your children, with your family, implementing the changes that need to be made. This will require you to look at what you’re currently doing and how you’re spending your time and to restructure your day so you can support these changes.

Let’s take a look at how a typical time-crunched parent, using a father in a two-income household as an example.

He gets up early (earlier, in fact, than he’d really like, given when he got to bed the night before) to get ready for work and help get the kids ready to go off to day care or school. With moments to spare, he’s dropping off kids at the bus stop or day care. All day is taken up with work, and before he knows it, it’s time to go home. If he gets off work earlier than his wife, he’s probably the one who picks up the kids. If not, they’re already home by the time he arrives. Dinner is eaten, homework is done, and all he wants is just a little bit of time to himself to unwind. In fact, he looks forward to when the kids are finally in bed so he’s able to spend some time with his wife.

When life is like this, finding ways to become more involved and spend more time with your children is hard. Hard, but not impossible. Here are a few suggestions I have for this dad:

  • Get up early enough to sit down and have breakfast with your children.
  • Take time the night before to choose a particular verse of Scripture to share with them as you eat together.
  • Use the time you have in the car with them to reaffirm your love and your desire for them to have a good day and to pray with them.
  • After work, take part in an organized activity with your children.
  • Take your children to the library on another day of the week.
  • Participate together in a midweek church service or Bible study.
  • Walk the family dog to a local park.

In other words, get out of the house and commit time to what makes your children happy. Sure, the easy thing to do is to come home each evening and determine, based upon your day, that the best thing to do is sit on the couch or in front of the television or computer doing just what you want to do. But your children need you to reserve time and energy and involvement for them, especially the younger the child.

What is the cost?

It means you won’t be able to watch that television show or get on the computer as much. It means you’ll need to reorient your focus from what you want to do in the evening to what’s best for your children. I think you’ll find, however, that the rewards of this connected, involved, and active time with your children will far outweigh the costs.

“Jesus said unto them, ‘My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working.’” ~John 5:17

SOURCE: Chapter 4, “A is for Active,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Food Quiz: Are You Obsessed?

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

Everything you have tried up to this point has not worked when it comes to losing weight permanently. Diets have not worked, powders have not worked, diet pills have not worked, and obsessively exercising has not worked. Every method of weight loss has been flawed. Each has promised you something it could not deliver. That’s why it’s time to ask yourself some personal questions.

RATING THE ROLE OF FOOD IN YOUR LIFE

On the following quiz, grade each statement on a score of 0 through 5. If it’s true for you almost all the time, give yourself a 5. If you usually do it, score a 4. If you seldom do it, score a 1. If you never do it, record a 0.

1. I have to be on a diet all the time.

2. I feel guilty when I eat a dessert.

3. I wake up thinking about food.

4. I dream about my weight and/or food.

5. At parties, I hang around the snack table.

6. I am ashamed of my body.

7. I feel it’s wasteful if I don’t clean my plate.

8. I seldom sit down to eat.

9. At buffets, I feel I must try a bit of everything.

10. I skip breakfast.

11. I often eat the leftovers after a party at my home.

12. I am afraid of losing control with food.

13. I eat most of the cookies I bake while they are still warm.

14. I buy popcorn at the movies even if I’ve just eaten.

15. There are only a few safe foods I feel I can eat.

16. When I’m bored, I get out the snack food.

17. I can gain weight overnight.

How did you rate yourself? Do you see a pattern?

If you had a total score of 65 or more, I am especially glad you are reading this blog, because there is hope for you. If your score was around 50, then you may or may not need to take action. If your total score was under 25, congratulations. I can only assume you are reading this so that you can refer this as a resource to a friend.

DISSECTING THE OBSESSION WITH FOOD

Sometimes I think the reason we eat by candlelight is because we have elevated food to a cathedral-like religious experience. Our “places of worship” are the open-all-night pavilions dedicated to the sale of fat, calories, and cholesterol, and all-you-can-eat troughs of food consumed by people for whom three full plates are never enough.

Those with food obsessions believe that:

  • Food is relief from stress
  • Food is reward for pain
  • Food is the epitome of success
  • Food is the wafer and wine for the religion of the obese
  • ‘Food is comfort in a time of storm
  • Food is life!

When people with eating disorders come to see me I ask them how much time they think about food. They often say “about 110 percent of the time.” That’s one of the most honest statements they’ll ever make during treatment. They do spend the majority of the time thinking about food: about when they are or are not going to eat, what they are or aren’t going to eat, and where they are or are not going to eat. But the feelings of control these individuals think they have are nothing but a fraud. In fact, the eating disorder is controlling them, consuming their relationships, ruining their self-esteem, destroying their health, and wasting their time. Ultimately, attempts to control food are failing to control pain, anger and fear.

SOURCE: Chapter 3, “Eating as an Art, in Losing Weight Permanently: Secrets of the 2 Percent Club by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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How Brad Learned to SOAR: O is for Optimism

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Brad came to work with us at The Center as a young man in his twenties. He was struggling with self-esteem issues that translated into a dependence upon alcohol. Unable to hold a job, he continued to live at home, making constant demands upon his parents. These demands drained their emotional and financial resources and alienated him from the rest of his siblings. Everyone in the family, including extended family living nearby, seemed to have tried to help Brad but was burned in the process. Many family members had already given up on him, deeming him beyond help and not worth another chance. Others saw our mental health and chemical dependency treatment agency as his last chance.

We were able to address and treat Brad’s reliance upon alcohol as well as work with him to uncover the roots of his addiction. Brad’s answers and demeanor began to reveal that his drinking was fueled not by an attraction to alcohol but by repulsion from something else. Brad had turned to alcohol due to some pain he was attempting to self-medicate and numb. As we worked with him to dig deeper, we helped him discover how and when his world had turned upside down and he had lost his horizon line of hope.

Most people know the half empty/half full glass analogy. It goes something like this; when people look at a glass containing liquid up to the middle, some will see the glass as half empty and some will see the glass as half full. Those who see it as half empty are pessimists, and the half full people are optimists. I’ve used this analogy as a way to illustrate to clients how subtle perceptions can alter their worldview. When they look at the glass, they’re actually seeing their own reactions to life.

Now, when Brad’s parents looked at Brad, they expected to see a completely full glass. After all, they were prosperous, hard-working people themselves, and they could envision nothing less than a full glass for Brad at all times. Sometime around Brad’s early adolescence, however, his parents began to perceive that Brad’s glass was less than full, for he began to operate below their expectations. In their minds, they had worked hard to fill Brad’s glass all the way to the brim, and Brad kept behaving and performing in a way that made the contents of that full glass spill out. This produced feelings of frustration, anger, and disappointment in his parents.

The only optimism they had for Brad’s future was centered not around what Brad was capable of achieving on his own but rather on what they had provided. He was expected to mirror their success — a success that mirrored their definition. Brad’s future was not really about him and actually about them.

Somewhere around 15 years of age, Brad decided he wasn’t capable — that his glass without his parents refilling it was actually completely empty. He turned to alcohol to stem the growing fear and anxiety of reaching adulthood.

Now, I believe that everyone is responsible for their own behavior, especially as they arrive at adulthood. In fact, the R in SOAR is all about responsibility. But as we identified this pattern of behavior between Brad and his parents, what became clear to me was their total lack of belief in a bright future for Brad — as Brad. He certainly didn’t have it, and neither did his parents.

The only thing the three seemed able to initially agree on was a paralyzing fear of what Brad’s future held.

Because of their own achievements, Brad’s parents couldn’t see the true horizon line when they looked at Brad. They kept looking inward at themselves and refused to see Brad for who he was. As his struggles with life increased in adolescence, they began to avoid really looking at Brad at all. It was too painful, for they truly loved their son, but when they looked at Brad’s failures, they caught a glimpse of their own.

What this family desperately needed was a restored vision of optimism and hope for the future. Brad’s parents needed to believe in God’s power to help Brad overcome his drinking. Brad needed to trust God’s plan for his life and stop fearing the future. They all needed to grasp God’s grace and learn to forgive each other. Fortunately, they’ve been able to heal and reestablish their relationships, but it took years of diverted time and energy to bring their family back on the right track.

I applaud your decision to put your energies into your family now!

SOURCE: Chapter 3, “O is for Optimism,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Positive Self-Talk: An Exercise in Emotional Health

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Each of us has a set of messages that play over and over in our minds. This internal dialogue, or personal commentary, frames our reaction to life and its circumstances.

One of the ways to recognize, promote, and sustain optimism, hope, and joy is to intentionally fill our thoughts with positive self-talk.

Too often the pattern of self-talk we’ve developed is negative. We remember the negative things we were told as children by parents, siblings, or teachers. We remember the negative reactions from other children that diminished how we felt about ourselves. Over the years these messages have replayed again and again in our minds, fueling our thoughts of anger, fear, guilt, and hopelessness.

One of the most critical avenues we use in therapy with those suffering from depression is to identify the source of those negative messages and then work with the person to intentionally “overwrite” them. If people learned as children that they were worthless, we show them how truly special they are. If while growing up they learned to expect crises and destructive events, we show them a better way to anticipate the future.

Try the following exercise.

1) Write down some of the negative messages that replay in your mind, ones that undermine your ability to overcome depression. Be specific whenever possible, and include anyone you remember who contributed to that message.

2) Now take a moment to intentionally counteract those negative messages with positive truths in your life. Don’t give up if you don’t find them quickly. For every negative message there is a positive truth that will override the weight of despair. These truths always exist — keep looking until you find them.

You may have a negative message that replays in your head every time you make a mistake. As a child you may have been told “you’ll never amount to anything,” or “you can’t do anything right.” When you make a mistake — and you will, because we all do — you can choose to overwrite that message with a positive one, such as “I choose to accept and grow from my mistake,” or “As I learn from my mistakes, I’m becoming a better person.”

During this exercise, mistakes become opportunities to replace negative views of yourself with positive options for personal advancement.

Positive self-talk is not self-deception. It is not mentally looking at circumstances with eyes that see only what y0u want to see. Rather, positive self-talk is about recognizing the truth in situations and in yourself. One of the fundamental truths is that you will make mistakes. To expect perfection in yourself or anyone else is unrealistic. To expect no difficulties in life, whether through your own actions or sheer circumstance, is also unrealistic.

When negative events or mistakes happen, positive self-talk seeks to find positive out of the negative in order to help you do better, go farther, or just keep moving forward. The practice of positive self-talk is often the process that allows you to discover the obscured optimism, hope, and joy in any given situation.

Are you depressed? Though no replacement for a formal diagnosis,  this survey can help you recognize the signs.

SOURCE: Chapter 2, “Emotional Equilibrium,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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By the Grace of God: Jim’s Story, Is It Yours Too?

Friday, March 5th, 2010

Jim dreaded family reunions.

His wife, who practically forced him to go, handled all the details. He went, if only so the kids could see their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. There were so many reasons, however, not to go: It was expensive; it took up vacation time at work; he never spent time doing what he wanted to do but what everyone else thought was important; somebody usually wasn’t speaking to somebody else at the reunion; and people expected more from him than he wanted to give. Reunions were chaotic and messy. What should take 15 minutes took an hour. It was a struggle getting three sets of parents, a set of grandparents, and eight kids to do anything!

These reunions tore up his insides, and he just wanted to go back home — to peace and quiet — from the moment he arrived.

But what disturbed Jim the most was spending time with his younger brother, Steve. As long as they were with a group of people, it was okay, but if they ever happened to be alone in a room, things became uncomfortable. Jim preferred to convey an adult image of calm and reasonableness and create an impression of competence and control. Steve knew better.

Growing up, Jim had treated Steve very badly.

As the older brother, Jim found Steve irritating and bothersome, and he resented the way Steve always seemed to catch a break from their folks because he was younger. Jim made up for it by being hard on Steve himself. Looking back over the years, Jim had come to realize he’d been a jerk.

Whenever they were together, alone together, he always had the urge to say he was sorry. He hated family reunions because he never could bring himself to do it.

If we were perfect people with perfect relationships, we wouldn’t need grace. Truth wouldn’t be difficult to accept, for it wouldn’t contain the wreckage of sinful lives. In a flawed world, however, in order to accept ourselves and others, grace is imperative. Sin constantly binds up relationships with harmful actions, both large and small.

Grace allows relationships to flow.

Grace untangles the knots of bitterness and blame.

With our own sin and the sin of others, there are plenty of both to go around. But where do you get grace and how do you apply it? The answer is that grace comes from God. Like love and forgiveness, the concept of grace goes against our very nature.

Grace is freely given and cannot be earned.

Once we truly understand that we are fallen people, living in a fallen world, it can be difficult to accept that God loves us. We know the truth that he does, but we still feel we need to earn it somehow. We think if we can just act better and be better, we can hurdle over regret, blame, and shame on our own. All of this effort is in vain, however. We cannot jump far enough or high enough to get around the consequences of sin.

Only God can lift us up through grace.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith,” Paul said, “and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God — not the result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Grace isn’t a right to earn; it’s a gift to accept.

Can you relate in some way to Jim’s story? Do you have a strained relationship with a family member? They seem to be at the root of so much hurt in this world. Perhaps nowhere is grace needed more than within the family. For it is within the family that many people feel “safe” to act their worst. They would never think of addressing a friend, colleague, or coworker in the way they talk to a spouse, parent, or sibling.

This is where grace comes in. God, through grace, re-establishes his relationship with us by granting us what we don’t deserve. He loves and forgives us, and he remains faithful to us. He controls the relationship by granting us grace. He doesn’t allow our poor performance to bring the relationship down.

SOURCE: Chapter 2: “Acceptance,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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You are Not a Disease: Emotional Challenges Plus Obsessive Behavior Equals Obesity

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

You may have been victimized by the medical model which says: If you keep sabotaging yourself and can’t lose weight on your own, then you must have a disease. As in, “Your obesity is a disease. Your eating is a disease, so we’d better give you some pills or suggest surgery. How about some staples in your stomach? That hopefully will do the trick. After all, it’s not your fault you have this disease, but we assure you that some medication or invasive treatment will cure it.”

EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES + OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR = EXCESSIVE WEIGHT

You are not a disease. Do not allow any well-intentioned medically-trained person persuade you that you are. You are a person with emotional challenges that have taken the form of obsessive-compulsive behavior that has translated into excessive weight. That is where you must start, because form this honest premise you can move into a personal, self-corrective program where you can join the two percent who lose weight permanently.

We’re not going to talk about steps — twelve, fifteen, twenty, or one hundred. For weight loss, there is but one step in the right direction. People who lose weight permanently do not attend groups that treat them like victims, where they sit in a circle and talk about their powerlessness. What a disservice to say that we have no power!

Of course we have power, and plenty of it. (The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous make it clear — we have power through our Higher Power.) That’s what it’s vital to treat the whole person, not just a single part. Why does this work? Because rather than wallowing in a mire of powerlessness, people can learn to regain and reassert their power. They start to engage in a healthy self-focus, not narcissism. To become intimately acquainted with their deepest troubles and hurts means attaining a self-knowledge that allows them to look at their own souls with tender compassion, something they may not have done for some time. In the process, they learn that power has been given to them by their heavenly Father.

You become empowered when you provide yourself with four things:

  1. Discipline
  2. Freedom
  3. Acceptance of the truth that you are deeply loved
  4. Courage to face your fears

People who lose weight permanently move beyond blaming others for their weight. They take responsibility for their own actions because they know it’s the only way they will ever grow into the person God created them to be. People who lose weight permanently also learn to take full responsibility for their own emotional state of being. Blaming family is the easy way out, and it’s a dead-end street.

Perhaps the theme song of those who lose weight permanently should be the great spiritual that reminds us, “Not my brother, nor my sister, but it’s me, O Lord, standin’ in the need of prayer.”  Yes, Lord it’s me … and it’s you.

ENCOURAGEMENT FROM GOD’S WORD

“Therefore, my dear brothers [and sisters], stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” ~1 Corinthians 15:58

SOURCE: Chapter 2, Losing Weight Permanently: Secrets of the 2 Percent Club by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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