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Parental Involvement Important in the Prevention and Awareness of Eating Disorders

Saturday, March 19th, 2011

It is my honor to share with you this article by two eating disorder experts — Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC, Founder and Director of Eating Disorder Hope and Debra Cooper, Expert Writer on eating disorders….

Eating disorders are now epidemic in the United States.  Approximately 11 million women and girls struggle with anorexia and bulimia.  Although the average age of onset is 14, girls are being diagnosed as young as eight.

In years past, an eating disorder stereotype existed. This person was female, white, usually first-born or an only child, a high-achiever and from an affluent family.   That stereotype is long gone. Today, anorexia and bulimia are equal-opportunity disorders.  They flourish in every culture, race, ethnicity, social-economic group, and religion throughout our country. And, whereas eating disorders were once exclusively a female issue, this is no longer the case. Anorexia and bulimia are also on the rise in the male population.

In other words, no individual is exempt and no family is immune.  The following is designed to provide parents with the information required to understand eating disorders and help prevent one from occurring in their home.

Eating Disorders Defined

Eating disorders are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike depression or anxiety. Those with an eating disorder use food in an unhealthy manner to cope with unpleasant emotions or difficult life situations. Anorexia and bulimia are two of the most common and dangerous of these disorders.

Anorexia is defined by self-starvation. Those with this illness intentionally starve themselves to dangerously thin levels, at least 15% below what would be considered a normal weight.  Anorexia is an addictive behavior. It is often accompanied by body distortion. This means the one practicing the behavior literally does not see what everyone else does. Regardless of how emaciated she becomes, she still sees an overweight girl in the mirror.

Bulimia is an extremely complex disorder that is difficult for most people to understand. It rarely occurs in very young children. It is far more likely to manifest in adolescents. When a girl has bulimia, she uncontrollably binges on large amounts of food and then purges through vomiting, starving, excessive exercise, laxatives, or other methods. This behavior also has addictive qualities. An individual with bulimia may purge more than 20 times a day.

Contributing Factors & Warning Signs

What causes an eating disorder is highly individualized; it is rarely the result of one isolated event or life situation. Certain factors can contribute to the onset of an eating disorder in a child or adolescent girl.  These include genetics, peer pressure, dieting, trauma, media influence, life transitions, athletics and perfectionism.

The most obvious sign of anorexia is extreme and rapid weight loss.  These girls often diet obsessively, focus inordinate interest in calories, carbohydrates and fat grams, complain about being fat and display an extreme preoccupation with food.  A girl with anorexia will never admit to being hungry, even though she is starving.

The key warning sign for bulimia is leaving quickly after meals and spending a long time in the bathroom.  Visible indications of bulimia are scrapes on the fingers or hands, swollen glands in the neck or possibly broken blood vessels in the eyes.  It is not unusual for a young person with bulimia to steal food from the family or a grocery store.

Body Image and Eating Disorders

Body image is how a person sees herself. It is rarely based on reality, but is far more defined by the culture in which she lives.  Unfortunately, we live in a society that places an absurdly high value on physical perfection and beauty.  This obsession with perfection is most evident in the American media. Beautiful females are showcased everywhere, especially in magazines to promote any number of products.  Often these photos have been altered or undergone a tremendous amount of computer manipulation to achieve perfection.  The problem is:  the girls scrutinizing these models believe they are real – that what they see is how that model actually looks.

By definition, adolescent girls are very self-conscious and body focused.  When they compare themselves to these “perfect” females, they inevitably fall short.  Their self esteem takes a profound hit. They experience extreme body dissatisfaction.  These girls can’t immediately grow taller or change their cheekbones, but they can lose weight.  They start dieting.  This is an eating disorder waiting to happen.

Parents and Eating Disorder Prevention

Although children are influenced everyday by many external factors, parents can play an important role in the prevention of eating disorders.  Throughout a child’s life, food should never be used as a reward or punishment.  Healthy, balanced eating should be modeled in the home.  Exercise should be done for fun and health, not weight loss.

Mothers need to recognize the profound impact their own behavior has on their daughters.  A mother who is always on a diet, obsessed with calories and fat grams, constantly weighing herself and focusing on clothing sizes, will encourage similar behaviors in her daughter.

Similarly, a father plays a vital role in the development of a daughter’s values and self esteem.  Although all parents are encouraged to avoid excessively complimenting or praising a child on her appearance, this is particularly critical where the father is concerned. While a girl is young, her primary male role model is her father.  It is important for her to see that her value to him is not predicated exclusively on how she looks, or she is at risk for taking this same belief system and applying it to all men in adulthood.

Parental focus should be placed on a daughter’s unique talents or achievement in areas such as academics or athletics.  Most important, every child should be highly reinforced for excellent qualities such as kindness, compassion or generosity.

Everyday girls experience peer pressure and are exposed to a host of negative media messages. That’s why it is so important to combat these issues through positive communication in the home.  Parents need to talk about what truly has value in the real world and what does not.  Value is found in the content of an individual’s heart and character, never the numbers on a scale. Further, when an eating disorder is indicated, early intervention by a specialized eating disorder treatment team is essential.

Due to the genetic component of eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia will probably always exist.   However, through a great deal of love, support and open communication, parents can  help their children develop a healthy relationship with food, combat the societal pressure  to be thin, as well as  maintain a strong self esteem and body image.

Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC is the Founder and Director of Eating Disorder Hope. Eating Disorder Hope is the one-stop eating disorder treatment, resource and information site. Eating Disorder Hope promotes ending eating disordered behavior, embracing life and pursuing recovery through implementing the best treatment available for the individual with anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder.

Debra M. Cooper, a graduate of Arizona State University, has worked as a professional writer for 25 years.  On staff at a prominent eating disorder treatment center for nine years, Debra is an expert in topics such as anorexia, bulimia and anxiety disorders.  She is the author of Behind The Broken Image, a novel that explores the impact of eating disorders on the individual and the family.

Copyright (C) 2011 Eating Disorder Hope. All rights reserved. URL: EatingDisorder Hope

I hope the information in this article has been helpful. If there is a child in your life who is living with an eating disorder, I invite you to learn about The Center’s approach to whole-person eating disorder treatment. Help and hope is here.

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How God Provides Hope: Kevin’s Story

Monday, September 27th, 2010

“A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strenght it cannot save.”~Ps. 33:17

Every time you reach for one of your excessities, you saddle up a horse of hope. You mount up and ride off toward deliverance. You think that horse of hope is going to help you outrun whatever it is that fuels your excessities, whether it’s loneliness, fear, guilt, anger, discomfort, or anxiety. You hop into the saddle and hope maybe this time it will work. The more often you saddle up, the stronger the excessity becomes in your life, but as the verse above says, despite all its strength it cannot save.

Excessities gain their strength, their hope, from you; you infuse the excessity with hope. Your hopes are only as strong as you are, and the more strength you point into your excessity, the weaker you become. Just as you can run a horse into the ground, your excessities can run your hope into the ground.

KEVIN’S STORY

Kevin was exhausted. It was a struggle just to get up and function every day. Sleep was elusive and often seemed more trouble than it was worth. He’d wake up in the morning — whatever the hour — apprehensive and anxious for the day ahead. The weight of work responsibilties and the financial realities of his current situation chained him to a sort of emotional and physical lethargy. Kevin felt like all eyes were watching him — his wife, his kids, even his employees seemed to be watching to see what he was going to do and how he was going to make things better. Yet the weight of trying to make things bearable had become unbearable to Kevin. Life was heavy and hope harder to find.

At first, his secretive forays down the interstate to the casino were sporadic, but Kevin soon found he only felt invigorated and alive during these times. Even when he lost money, he still felt the pull of an anticipated win. Afterward, though, on too many drives home, the guilt descended. It just didn’t seem right, somehow, that the only time he felt energized and relieved should be doing something he knew was wrong.

Slowly, Kevin began to equate that weight of guilt with the rest of the burdens he felt, the burdens he resented and had turned to gambling to forget. Kevin began to see his time at the casino as necessary, as a coping mechanism, and, frankly, as the true highlight of his week.

Kevin found himself heading off to gamble more often during the week, sometimes even during the workday. He kept hoping that it would get him through this rough patch in his life and that as soon as things calmed down he wouldn’t need to do it as much. He kept hoping…right up until the day it all crashed around him and he found himself in danger of financial ruin and losing his family.

THE POWER OF HOPE

To understand the true power of hope, I think it’s a good idea to contemplate what the world would look like without hope. It is a world without anticipation, without desire or expectation — a flat, monochrome world with only a single what-is view. First Chronicles 29:15 calls it a shadow world.

Over my time in counseling, I have seen too many people trapped in this shadow world without true hope. I have seen them desperately reach for something — harmful, dangerous, destructive, false — to try to provide some sort of hope in the shadow. Imagine my position — within their world without hope I have to tell them that the one thing they cling to for a modicum of hope really isn’t hope at all. I have to point out the painfully obvious: The hope they cling to — whatever it is — is false hope.

If this is all I did and all I could offer, I wouldn’t do it. It would be too bleak. I praise God, however, that my job isn’t just to point out false hope but to point toward true hope. This is hope that sings with a symphony of desire, expectation, trust, sweet anticipation, and even sweeter fulfillment. This is hope that sings with God’s voice. This is not a shadow world; it is quite literally heaven. And what I get to do is show people the way to find their own patch of heaven on earth, through an understanding and connection to true hope.

Now that’s a job I believe in. It’s why The Center I founded 25 years ago has become known as a place of hope. It is a place where people find the strength and courage to give up their false hopes to discover their true hope. Hope has come to color everything we do, from the name of our website to titles on my books to our theme verse of Jeremiah 29:11.

People come to us riding on the exhausted, failing horses of false hope and leave soaring on the wings of true hope.

Source: Chapter 12, “God Provides Hope” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc.

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R is for Responsible for My Emotions

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Just as children come in all body types, they also come in all emotional types. Some children are natural stoics. Some children have a seemingly endless supply of pendular emotions. Other children are one-sided emotionally, reacting to a variety of situations with a specific emotional response, such as anger or disappointment. You may have emotionally different children but one desired outcome — for each child to become responsible for his or her emotional response.

KNOWING YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL STATE

Before we begin to talk about your child, we need to talk about you.

As the adult role model, you need to have your emotional act together. Just as your own poor food choices can make it difficult for your children to eat responsibly, your poor emotional choices can make it difficult for your children to react responsibly. Your emotional stability, or lack thereof, provides an environment for your child’s emerging emotions.

Think for a moment how you usually respond to the following situations with your child — not what you hope you’ll do or what you think you should do but your standard response.

  1. How do you respond when your child whines?
  2. How do you respond when your child is excited?
  3. How do you respond when your child is angry?
  4. How do you respond when your child is happy?
  5. How do you respond when your child is defiant?
  6. How do you respond when your child is hopeful?
  7. How do you respond when your child is sad?
  8. How do you respond when your child is right?
  9. How are your responses to others different from how you respond to y9ur child?

The way you respond to your child, and to others, speaks volumes. As the adult, you set the emotional tone for your child, affecting his or her own emotional response. So now take the time to go through the same nine questions again, this time answering with the healthy responses you would like to emulate in the future.

ASK FOR HELP

Father, thank you for making us as  diverse emotionally as we are physically. Help me to know and understand my child’s emotions. I confess I’ve allowed the sun to go down on my own anger. I accept that my emotional stability is a model for my child. Help me to allow my child to experience and express emotions. Alert me to any difficulty my child has with emotional stability, and help me to subdue my pride in order to get needed help. Amen.

SOURCE: Chapter 7, “R is for Responsible for My Emotions,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Learned Invisibility: Are You In Hiding?

Monday, March 29th, 2010

“I don’t know who I am,” Kevin said softly to himself. It was as if he had amnesia, except he realized he hadn’t forgotten his past; he had just never really known who he was. Kevin thought about his childhood and teenage years and realized he had never felt fully present or actively engaged. It seemed to him that he was always moving on the edges of life.

When Kevin was a small child, he was just Danny’s younger brother.

Danny was older and smarter and stronger. Danny was larger than life — at least larger than Kevin’s life. When he was in junior high, he’d relished his intentional ability to seem invisible — it had been an excruciatingly awkward time when anonymity was often a blessing.

In high school, Kevin blended in as one of a group of guys, unremarkable individually, but who found solidity in numbers. Adrift after high school, he never finished college and instead found his identify in managing a fast-food restaurant. Adulthood meant recognition as a uniform and a nametag not as an individual.

When Kevin got married, he became Sheryl’s husband, she being much more outgoing than he. It was the same after the kids came. His identity expanded to Heidi and Steven’s father. But the older they got, the less they seemed to need him.

As he thought about it, Kevin realized his sense of self always came as a corollary to someone else.

“If  I’m going to get over this,” he said, “I’ve got to learn who I am.”

LEARNED INVISIBILITY

When Kevin came to us, it wasn’t because of any major trauma in his life. Yes, his kids were teenagers, but they were doing fairly well with the adolescent transition. He’d settled into a comfortable relationship with Sheryl and his job was stable. Yet Kevin was battling a profound depression. He didn’t understand why and couldn’t see any way out of it.

What began as a couple of sessions of counseling through his employee assistance program at work became a yearlong journey through his young adulthood, into early middle age. Through this journey, Kevin became acquainted with someone he’d never really taken time to know before — Kevin.

In Kevin’s household there was only room for one dominant personality — his mother. She ran the household, her husband, and her children. Opinionated and vocal, her personality permeated the entire house. She did not allow others to express strong feelings, either positive or negative. She was the conductor of all thoughts, feelings, and opinions in the house. Others could attempt to express themselves but only at her direction. Kevin’s older brother, Danny, waged a constant battle, chafing against these restrictions. As he watched the fallout between this clash of wills, Kevin determined never to be put in that position.

Unlike Danny, Kevin was afraid of his mother.

Over the years Kevin developed a pattern of withdrawing into himself, of becoming “invisible” around his mother, forcing himself to merge his identity and personality into hers. What she liked, he liked. What she didn’t, he didn’t. If he had a different feeling or reaction, he did not express it. He came to understand that this was the tactic used by his father, who seemed to “click” himself off whenever Kevin’s mother entered the room, retreating to the television or the newspaper.

Kevin continued this pattern by aligning himself with other, more dominant, personalities. He allowed himself to take his sense of identity from other people in his life. It seemed safer that way.

This pattern produced a perception that Kevin was unremarkable, that he had few thoughts and opinions, that he was a follower and not a leader. He became the type who would be chosen by a leader, but not chosen to lead. By the time he reached middle age, Kevin was no longer content to be considered unremarkable. He longed for others to see him as a person of value and worth. But he was afraid it was too late. Kevin was afraid he would spend his whole life hiding in the shadows.

In order to overcome depression, Kevin needed to understand that it was safe to come out of hiding.

Are you depressed? Though no replacement for a formal diagnosis,  this survey can help you recognize the signs.

SOURCE: Chapter 5, “Family Dynamics,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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From Guilt Cycle to Bicycle: Lose the Rules & Just Exercise!

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

What are the first three words that come to your mind when you think “exercise?”

Many people would write words like, boring, time-consuming, expensive. But when it comes to exercise, the most important questions people ask are, “How can I make exercise fun? What can I do that is so enjoyable that I’ll look forward to doing it day after day, week after week, year after year?

Exercise must be fully compatible with you and your personality. If you hate to run, don’t run, because if you hate it, you won’t do it. If a sweaty, inconvenient five-day-a-week regimen in a local fitness club is not for you, don’t do it.Exercise is not about feeling guilty for what you can’t — or choose not to — do.

The guiltier you feel, the less exercise you will do, and the less exercise you do, the guiltier you will feel, and your guilt cycle will produce depression, confusion, and anger to the point where your entire system may simply close down. The solution: Do what is right for you.

Choose an activity that is fun. For many people, the best initial exercise program is simply to walk. Walking requires no expensive club dues, no unique clothing or special shoes, no time limits, no stop watches, no subscriptions to fitness magazines, no nothing. With walking there are also no excuses. If it’s hot, walk early. If it’s raining, wear a raincoat or carry an umbrella, then come home and take a hot shower. It’s one of the most invigorating feelings ever. Try it.

NO EXCUSES PLEASE

People who lose weight permanently are realistic, and they make their activity program work for them. Exercise is their slave, not their master. When they walk, they know it directs a hefty supply of oxygen to their lungs, gives them a chance to be away from their busy life for a few moments, helps them think about their progress toward permanent weight loss, gives them a few moments to listen to the birds, smell the flowers, and spend quality time with their spouse, a neighbor, or a friend as they take on the familiar and unfamiliar streets and lanes of their neighborhood.

An exercise you choose to do because it’s right for you makes you feel good. Before long you begin to experience a wonderful freedom from depression and guilt. The right kind of exercise — that you choose — can actually put joy back into your life, while diets — or expensive health clubs you join because you feel guilty for not working out — invariably rob you of your job.

Bottom line: There are no rules for exercise, absolutely none! Cliche as it sounds, just do it!

SOURCE: Chapter 5, “From Guilt Cycle to Bicycle,” in Losing Weight Permanently: Secrets of the 2 Percent Club by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Are You Doing Too Much, Or Too Little? How Activity Level Causes Depression

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Over the years it is possible for the activities and responsibilities of life to layer, each on top of the others. The combined weight of all these activities and responsibilities can be crushing. One of the first steps in taking stock of your life is to look at what you are doing.

Depression can occur when your activities are out of balance in the following ways:

  • You have too many activities, and the sum of them outweighs their individual value. When you’ve got too many things going collectively, you’re too busy to enjoy any of them individually.
  • You have many activities but too few worthwhile ones. When the sum of your activities is draining, it interferes with the worthwhile ones.
  • You have too few activities in your life. When your biggest activity is inactivity, you rob yourself of the stimulation and engagement of purpose and people.

If you have developed a pattern of tying self-worth to activity, you may find it difficult to let go of some of the things you are dong. If you have developed a pattern of believing in your own incompetence, taking on new pursuits may frighten you with their potential for failure. If you have developed a pattern of being afraid of making mistakes, an honest appraisal of why you are engaging in an activity may be uncomfortable because of needed changes it might reveal.

ALTERING PERCEPTIONS

Your life patterns are the result of your perception or view of life and what you believed would happen. They are often forged in childhood. Once you understand your personal life patterns, you will be better equipped to discover certain perceptions and expectations that led you to either negative or positive actions.

If you have the perception that your life is always supposed to be smooth sailing, the inevitable ups and downs can cause great anxiety. Down times are not put into proper perspective, because you don’t consider them to be legitimate in your life. Down times are supposed to happen to other people but not to you. If you are unprepared to deal with these down times, then confusion, frustration, and depression can result.

If you have the perception that you don’t deserve to be happy, you will filter the events of your life to make sure you aren’t content. Good things will be met with suspicion, and bad things will be welcomed as old friends.

If you have the perception that the only way for you to be safe is to be in control, you will have a heightened sense of anxiety over life events. Since people are rarely in total control over their environment, and never in control of other people, this perception leaves a persistent, nagging feeling of insecurity. This perpetual sense of unease can lead to anxiety and depression.

By acknowledging negative perceptions, you can move forward toward a view of life that is neither unrealistically rosy nor unrelentingly gray. Acknowledging your pace, patterns, and perceptions allows you to control and alter them to support your optimism, hope, and joy, even when life throws you a curve.

Are you depressed? Though no replacement for a formal diagnosis,  this survey can help you recognize the signs.

SOURCE: Chapter 4, “Living Life On Purpose,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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A is for Active: Tips for Time-Crunched Parents

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Helping your family to be active and achieving helps them to find and fulfill their purpose in God. As we look at the specifics of how to increase the activity of your family, please be aware that it will come with a cost. The cost will come in the form of your time and commitment. You must spend time with your children, with your family, implementing the changes that need to be made. This will require you to look at what you’re currently doing and how you’re spending your time and to restructure your day so you can support these changes.

Let’s take a look at how a typical time-crunched parent, using a father in a two-income household as an example.

He gets up early (earlier, in fact, than he’d really like, given when he got to bed the night before) to get ready for work and help get the kids ready to go off to day care or school. With moments to spare, he’s dropping off kids at the bus stop or day care. All day is taken up with work, and before he knows it, it’s time to go home. If he gets off work earlier than his wife, he’s probably the one who picks up the kids. If not, they’re already home by the time he arrives. Dinner is eaten, homework is done, and all he wants is just a little bit of time to himself to unwind. In fact, he looks forward to when the kids are finally in bed so he’s able to spend some time with his wife.

When life is like this, finding ways to become more involved and spend more time with your children is hard. Hard, but not impossible. Here are a few suggestions I have for this dad:

  • Get up early enough to sit down and have breakfast with your children.
  • Take time the night before to choose a particular verse of Scripture to share with them as you eat together.
  • Use the time you have in the car with them to reaffirm your love and your desire for them to have a good day and to pray with them.
  • After work, take part in an organized activity with your children.
  • Take your children to the library on another day of the week.
  • Participate together in a midweek church service or Bible study.
  • Walk the family dog to a local park.

In other words, get out of the house and commit time to what makes your children happy. Sure, the easy thing to do is to come home each evening and determine, based upon your day, that the best thing to do is sit on the couch or in front of the television or computer doing just what you want to do. But your children need you to reserve time and energy and involvement for them, especially the younger the child.

What is the cost?

It means you won’t be able to watch that television show or get on the computer as much. It means you’ll need to reorient your focus from what you want to do in the evening to what’s best for your children. I think you’ll find, however, that the rewards of this connected, involved, and active time with your children will far outweigh the costs.

“Jesus said unto them, ‘My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working.’” ~John 5:17

SOURCE: Chapter 4, “A is for Active,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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4 Steps to Healthy Anger Management

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

If someone steals your wallet, you feel anger. If you come home after a much-deserved vacation and discover your house has been ransacked and burglarized, you feel violated and angry. If someone says something insulting to a member of your family, your anger may be so intense that you want to punch that person in the mouth. These are all understandable emotional responses.

You would hardly be a responsible human if you allowed these events to pass as if nothing had happened. However, we are also capable of doing irreparable damage to ourselves while we’re intent on attacking others. The missile of anger and hate that we launch will return to us every time.

Here are four useful ways to rethink your situation when you start to get angry:

1. Be your own person. Even if your anger has festered for yeas, you don’t need to let the actions of others dictate how you feel. Determine what you want out of the encounter. The old idea of counting to ten is still a good rule of thumb before saying anything at all. It will give you time to think about the situation and your response.

2. Don’t intimidate, and don’t be intimidated. Isaiah 1:18 says, “Come now, and let us reason together.” What a great idea. Be assertive by asking the person to be reasonable in your debate, even as you promise to return the favor.

3. If the shoe fits, wear it. There may be times when you will be confronted with the truth, but you may not want to hear it. That’s when your defenses may rise up like a ten-story building. Again, take a moment and listen to what’s being said. If you need time to think about it, say so. Then ask God to give you the courage to accept the truth and confess your fault if necessary.

4. Practice intentional kindness. God’s Word says that a kind word turns away anger (Prov. 15:1). Think of something positive to say to the person — even if it’s, “I hear what you are saying, and I need to take your comments seriously.” Take the offensive in praising the accomplishments of others. Edify those with whom you work and live. Tell them when they do good work. Anger and honest praise have difficulty living together. Be known as someone who sees the best in those around you.

SOURCE: Chapter 3: “The Poisons of Anger, Fear, and Guilt” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Food Quiz: Are You Obsessed?

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

Everything you have tried up to this point has not worked when it comes to losing weight permanently. Diets have not worked, powders have not worked, diet pills have not worked, and obsessively exercising has not worked. Every method of weight loss has been flawed. Each has promised you something it could not deliver. That’s why it’s time to ask yourself some personal questions.

RATING THE ROLE OF FOOD IN YOUR LIFE

On the following quiz, grade each statement on a score of 0 through 5. If it’s true for you almost all the time, give yourself a 5. If you usually do it, score a 4. If you seldom do it, score a 1. If you never do it, record a 0.

1. I have to be on a diet all the time.

2. I feel guilty when I eat a dessert.

3. I wake up thinking about food.

4. I dream about my weight and/or food.

5. At parties, I hang around the snack table.

6. I am ashamed of my body.

7. I feel it’s wasteful if I don’t clean my plate.

8. I seldom sit down to eat.

9. At buffets, I feel I must try a bit of everything.

10. I skip breakfast.

11. I often eat the leftovers after a party at my home.

12. I am afraid of losing control with food.

13. I eat most of the cookies I bake while they are still warm.

14. I buy popcorn at the movies even if I’ve just eaten.

15. There are only a few safe foods I feel I can eat.

16. When I’m bored, I get out the snack food.

17. I can gain weight overnight.

How did you rate yourself? Do you see a pattern?

If you had a total score of 65 or more, I am especially glad you are reading this blog, because there is hope for you. If your score was around 50, then you may or may not need to take action. If your total score was under 25, congratulations. I can only assume you are reading this so that you can refer this as a resource to a friend.

DISSECTING THE OBSESSION WITH FOOD

Sometimes I think the reason we eat by candlelight is because we have elevated food to a cathedral-like religious experience. Our “places of worship” are the open-all-night pavilions dedicated to the sale of fat, calories, and cholesterol, and all-you-can-eat troughs of food consumed by people for whom three full plates are never enough.

Those with food obsessions believe that:

  • Food is relief from stress
  • Food is reward for pain
  • Food is the epitome of success
  • Food is the wafer and wine for the religion of the obese
  • ‘Food is comfort in a time of storm
  • Food is life!

When people with eating disorders come to see me I ask them how much time they think about food. They often say “about 110 percent of the time.” That’s one of the most honest statements they’ll ever make during treatment. They do spend the majority of the time thinking about food: about when they are or are not going to eat, what they are or aren’t going to eat, and where they are or are not going to eat. But the feelings of control these individuals think they have are nothing but a fraud. In fact, the eating disorder is controlling them, consuming their relationships, ruining their self-esteem, destroying their health, and wasting their time. Ultimately, attempts to control food are failing to control pain, anger and fear.

SOURCE: Chapter 3, “Eating as an Art, in Losing Weight Permanently: Secrets of the 2 Percent Club by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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How Brad Learned to SOAR: O is for Optimism

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Brad came to work with us at The Center as a young man in his twenties. He was struggling with self-esteem issues that translated into a dependence upon alcohol. Unable to hold a job, he continued to live at home, making constant demands upon his parents. These demands drained their emotional and financial resources and alienated him from the rest of his siblings. Everyone in the family, including extended family living nearby, seemed to have tried to help Brad but was burned in the process. Many family members had already given up on him, deeming him beyond help and not worth another chance. Others saw our mental health and chemical dependency treatment agency as his last chance.

We were able to address and treat Brad’s reliance upon alcohol as well as work with him to uncover the roots of his addiction. Brad’s answers and demeanor began to reveal that his drinking was fueled not by an attraction to alcohol but by repulsion from something else. Brad had turned to alcohol due to some pain he was attempting to self-medicate and numb. As we worked with him to dig deeper, we helped him discover how and when his world had turned upside down and he had lost his horizon line of hope.

Most people know the half empty/half full glass analogy. It goes something like this; when people look at a glass containing liquid up to the middle, some will see the glass as half empty and some will see the glass as half full. Those who see it as half empty are pessimists, and the half full people are optimists. I’ve used this analogy as a way to illustrate to clients how subtle perceptions can alter their worldview. When they look at the glass, they’re actually seeing their own reactions to life.

Now, when Brad’s parents looked at Brad, they expected to see a completely full glass. After all, they were prosperous, hard-working people themselves, and they could envision nothing less than a full glass for Brad at all times. Sometime around Brad’s early adolescence, however, his parents began to perceive that Brad’s glass was less than full, for he began to operate below their expectations. In their minds, they had worked hard to fill Brad’s glass all the way to the brim, and Brad kept behaving and performing in a way that made the contents of that full glass spill out. This produced feelings of frustration, anger, and disappointment in his parents.

The only optimism they had for Brad’s future was centered not around what Brad was capable of achieving on his own but rather on what they had provided. He was expected to mirror their success — a success that mirrored their definition. Brad’s future was not really about him and actually about them.

Somewhere around 15 years of age, Brad decided he wasn’t capable — that his glass without his parents refilling it was actually completely empty. He turned to alcohol to stem the growing fear and anxiety of reaching adulthood.

Now, I believe that everyone is responsible for their own behavior, especially as they arrive at adulthood. In fact, the R in SOAR is all about responsibility. But as we identified this pattern of behavior between Brad and his parents, what became clear to me was their total lack of belief in a bright future for Brad — as Brad. He certainly didn’t have it, and neither did his parents.

The only thing the three seemed able to initially agree on was a paralyzing fear of what Brad’s future held.

Because of their own achievements, Brad’s parents couldn’t see the true horizon line when they looked at Brad. They kept looking inward at themselves and refused to see Brad for who he was. As his struggles with life increased in adolescence, they began to avoid really looking at Brad at all. It was too painful, for they truly loved their son, but when they looked at Brad’s failures, they caught a glimpse of their own.

What this family desperately needed was a restored vision of optimism and hope for the future. Brad’s parents needed to believe in God’s power to help Brad overcome his drinking. Brad needed to trust God’s plan for his life and stop fearing the future. They all needed to grasp God’s grace and learn to forgive each other. Fortunately, they’ve been able to heal and reestablish their relationships, but it took years of diverted time and energy to bring their family back on the right track.

I applaud your decision to put your energies into your family now!

SOURCE: Chapter 3, “O is for Optimism,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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