Posts Tagged ‘shame’

Why Is Emotional Abuse So Damaging?

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Emotional abuse is so damaging because it outlives its own life span. Not only does it damage a person’s self-esteem at the time it is done, it also sets up a life pattern that daily assaults the inner being. Present events and relationships are filtered through the negative messages and events of the past. Behavior is unknowingly modified to produce results consistent with the established life pattern. Through continued emotional assault, even a healthy life pattern can be subverted by an abusive one.

Damaging Effects of Emotional Abuse

  • When you view life as unstable, anxiety, tension, and fear result.
  • When you are constantly vigilant to the behavior of others, hypersensitivity and hostility result.
  • When you learn to second-guess yourself, confusion and feelings of disconnection result.
  • When nothing you do ever seems to be right, insecurity, guilt, and shame result.
  • When others tell you that you are always wrong, indecision and inaction result.
  • When you stop having the energy to fight it all, apathy and depression result.
  • When you have finally had it, rage results.
  • When you never seem to receive fairness, justice is all you think about.
  • When you have been hurt by those you love, love is viewed as a risk.
  • When living is painful, addictions are acceptable because they numb the pain.
  • When the mind is a jumble of emotional chaos, the body and its systems break down.
  • When your inner turmoil produces outer stress, your current relationships are endangered.
  • When you can’t control your negative emotions, you become the very person you hate.

So don’t ever let anyone tell you that emotional abuse isn’t damaging.

Affirmation Statement: My victory comes by building my self-esteem higher than the effects of emotional abuse. I confirm that each day I will rise above the abuse and choose actions that show I am able to love myself.

Click here to learn more about emotional abuse and get help if you need it.

The above is excerpted from Chapter 3 in Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Gregory Jantz.

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Turning Negatives Into Postives: Mark’s Story

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Mark’s marriage ended badly. He fought it, kicking and screaming, until his wife made it quite clear she no longer wanted anything to do with him. She was done with him and the marriage. It didn’t matter how much he still loved her; she no longer loved him. She couldn’t even stand to be anywhere near him. There was someone else, and she wanted that relationship more than she wanted him. She was finished, and for a time, Mark thought he was, too.

Nothing made sense anymore. Mark couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong or why someone who had once loved him could come to hate him so much.

Had she ever really loved him at all?

How could he have been so blind?

For a long time after the divorce, Mark didn’t want to see anyone. His friends had been their friends, and some were now only her friends. With a morbid fascination, he tried to keep up with what she was doing. That ended when he found out she’d married again. She was moving on with her life, and Mark couldn’t seem to get on with his. What right did she have to be happy when she’d made him absolutely miserable? It wasn’t fair.

A good friend finally took Mark aside and told him it was time to let his ex-wife go.

While they were married, he had held on to her out of love. Since the divorce, he had held on to her out of anger. He needed to let her go — to let the anger go. It was like a breath of fresh air sweeping over Mark’s heart when he found the strength to forgive her and move on.  He decided he was not going to concentrate on those last ten months but on the five years before that when he’d been happy. He realized he was grateful to her for helping him develop an understanding of love. Ultimately, she threw it away, but Mark found he was ready to reclaim it.

With this renewed confidence in his ability to give and receive love, Mark was ready to put the past behind him and embrace the future.

FILL YOURSELF UP WITH GOOD THINGS

The pain of this world can produce so much that is negative, but God is able to take those negatives and turn them into positives. Ask God to help you clean out the old, negative spaces, so you’ll have room for the renewing attributes of a healed, redeemed life:

  • Let joy take the place of anger
  • Let confidence take the place of fear
  • Let peace take the place of guilt
  • Let mercy take the place of blame
  • Let pride take the place of shame

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” ~Galatians 5:22

SOURCE: Chapter 4: “Gratitude,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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