Posts Tagged ‘Proverbs’

Newer Entries »

Resolving Anger, The Proverbs Series: Avoiding Strife (Proverbs 20:3)

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

Proverbs 20:3 — It is to a man’s honor to avoid strive, but every fool is quick to quarrel.

This is not the “doormat” proverb. It does not say that you should go about your life keeping your mouth shut in order to avoid problems. Rather, this verse cautions you to avoid strife.

Strife is defined as a “bitter sometimes violent conflict or dissention” and as as an “exertion or contention for superiority.” Strife is quarrel fueled by anger and hostility. As such, it will not produce the desired results of resolution. Instead, it fans the flames of conflict. It is to your credit to avoid it and find another way to get your needs met.

Monday: Proverbs 22:10

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

Enter to Win: My New Year Book Giveway!

Follow Dr. Jantz on Twitter

Fan Dr. Jantz on Facebook

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bible, Depression, Proverbs | No Comments »

Resolving Anger, The Proverbs Series: Protection or Destruction? (Proverbs 17:19)

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

Proverbs 17:19 — “He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.”

There are women I know, probably women you know, who love a good argument. It seems they like nothing better than to fight about nearly everything. If you are one of these women, you know deep down how much satisfaction you get out of unleashing your temper.

I want you to hear something: even if the source of your anger comes from sin committed against you, that does not absolve you from responsibility in how you conduct yourself and express your anger. If that were the case, then an abuser who was abused would be free from guilt. If that were true, no one could be held responsible for their own wrongful actions because everyone has been wronged by someone.

In order to heal and get over your anger, you need to start seeing it in its proper context — as a high gate you’ve built for protection. As this verse cautions, though a high gate does provide protection, it also invites destruction. If you doubt that, just think about the effect your anger has on those you love.

Ask yourself — is your anger protecting or destroying your family relationships?

Tomorrow: Proverbs 20:3

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

Enter to Win: My New Year Book Giveway!

Follow Dr. Jantz on Twitter

Fan Dr. Jantz on Facebook

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Anger, Bible, Proverbs | No Comments »

Resolving Anger, The Proverbs Series: Fighting Fairly (Proverbs 17:14)

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

Proverbs 17:14 — “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Nowhere is this truer, I think, than in working with couples. If both people have unresolved relationships, starting a quarrel between them unleashes a torrent of hidden issues.

At times, my office has been flooded with accusations, recriminations, dire pronouncements, and tearful arguments. So many that it is difficult for the strength of the relationship to contain them all. That is why one of the skills I teach couples is how to “fight” fairly, passionately but also compassionately, truthfully but also gracefully. A knock-down-drag-out argument is simply not the most effective format for conflict resolution; instead it is a recipe for conflict conflagration.

Tomorrow: Proverbs 17:19

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

Enter to Win: My New Year Book Giveway!

Follow Dr. Jantz on Twitter

Fan Dr. Jantz on Facebook

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Anger, Bible, Proverbs | No Comments »

Resolving Anger, The Proverbs Series: Calming Quarrels (Proverbs 15:18)

Monday, December 28th, 2009

When relationships are unresolved, they lead to unfulfilled desires. These unfulfilled desires are constantly agitating within you, battling your best efforts at personal peace, contentment, and happiness. This battle leaves you weary and wary, angry and frustrated, which leads you to fight and quarrel against yourself and others. Quarreling leads to a breakdown in relationship. Quarrels are often a red flag, pointing to diversionary anger.

The book of Proverbs has a good deal to say on the subject of quarrels:

Proverbs 15:18 — “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.”

Anger can produce a state of heightened anxiety and watchfulness. Anger can distort events and twist them into unintended shapes. Anger keeps you hot-tempered and itching for a fight, so much so that your attitude actually stirs up dissension. Being patient, however, is said to calm a quarrel. When you are able to turn your anger over to God, you are able to patiently wait for him to exact justice for you. Being patient keeps you calm and better able to realistically assess a given situation. Being calm leaves room for grace.

Tomorrow: Proverbs 17:14

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

Enter to Win: My New Year Book Giveway!

Follow Dr. Jantz on Twitter

Fan Dr. Jantz on Facebook

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Anger, Bible, Proverbs | No Comments »

Newer Entries »