Posts Tagged ‘Kids’

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Healthy Habits, Happy Kids [BOOK EXCERPTS]

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

“This book is about kids but written to parents. It’s about childhod, but it’s also about the adult world within which childhood exists. This book is about weight, but it’s also about worth and value. It’s about your child, and it’s also about your family. When I say it’s written to parents, I mean to include all those who have had the privilege to care for children, be they grandparents, guardians, stepparents, or extended family. To paraphrase Psalm 127:4-5, children are a blessing from the Lord! And with that blessing comes God’s charge to love and care for them. With that blessing comes God’s promise to be with you. And you’ll need it, because raising kids can be a challenge.” ~Healthy Habits, Happy Kids

Sure it sounds cliche, but it’s true — being a parent is the most challenging job in the world. And especially in today’s fast-paced world, parents need all the help we can get! Not because we are incapable, but because we are imperfect. The SOAR concept is one I have seen transform relationships, not only between children and their parents, but between children and the rest of their world.

14 Excerpts from Healthy Habits, Happy Kids

Healthy Habits, Happy Kids: Helping Them SOAR

Giving Your Kids Whole-Person Health

4 Ways To Keep Your Kids Healthy: What YOU Can Do

How Brad Learned to SOAR: O is for Optimism

A is for Active: Tips for Time-Crunched Parents

A is for Active: Tips for Time-Crunched Parents

R is for Responsible for My Body

R is for Responsible for My Emotions

Parenting Styles: 3 Types to Avoid

R is for Responsible for My Relationships: Teenagers

7 Ways to Instill Faith In Your Children

Healthy Kids: Enlisting the Help of Family

Healthy Living: Staying On Course

SOAR Support Checklist

The Center for Counseling and Health Resources is a treatment center that follows a model of whole-person care, addressing the physical, psychological, emotional, nutritional, fitness and spiritual aspects of each person seeking help through one of our treatment programs.

If you would like more information about our depression treatment program, please request a free consultation today.

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Raising Children to Resist Eating Problems

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

We now know that almost a fourth of all children in the United States are overweight. The unfortunate prediction is that in most cases these children will grow up to become overweight adults, who will have overweight children, who will have overweight — even obses — offspring.

What causes this inappropriate friendship with food?

Of course, the media share some responsibility for the way food and beauty are dealt with in commercials and regular programming. But we also see that overeating tends to run in families. So, what can parents do to help their children avoid the trap of using food as a friend?

Here are five things a child needs to grow up with a healthy attitude toward herself or food:

1) Honesty. When you make promises, keep them. Be a person of your word so that your child is not constantly dealing with disappointments.

2) Affection. Every child needs affection, including hugs, verbal statements of love, and unrushed attention. Children who know they are valued are less likely to turn to food for comfort.

3) Safety. Teach your child to seek out people who are safe — emotionally, physically, and sexually. Shout this message loud and clear to your children. Protect your child from emotional and physical harm and help him learn to protect himself as he grows older.

4) Boundaries. Let your child know how important boundaries are for you. It’s okay to draw a line in the emotional sand. As your child grows, she will also learn where the boundaries are and how to keep them. This will give her resilience and make her unlikely to be a victim.

Structure. Children need structure. One child, playing on the school playground, was heard complaining to his teacher, “Do we really have to do what we want to today?” I continue to hear adults cry out for the same kind of direction. We all need structure, appropriate traditions, and a sense that some things are going to be the same day after day.

What you learned as a child may not have prepared you to live a happy, effective life. You can change that for your own children, however, if you help them learn how to make their own happiness. The following is a list of platitudes that many children hear and end up following. But they are not healthy directions for living.

Try to avoid giving your children these messages:

  • Always look as if you have it all together.
  • Be brave (and hide your true feelings).
  • Always put others first and yourself last.
  • Do not cry, even when you are crying inside.
  • Clean your plate becuase there are starving people in China…Africa…India, etc.
  • Never let anyone see you make a mistake.
  • Never make a mess.
  • Help others but ignore your own needs.

If you are pawning these ideas off on yourself or your children, please take a good look at the message you are conveying. As you learn to take the risk of appreciating who you are, help your child do the same. The greatest gift you can give your child is the encouragement to become the person God intended him or her to be.

SOURCE: Appendix Three in Losing Weight Permanently by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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SOAR Support Checklist

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Our families today are under attack on so many different fronts. Your commitment to implement changes, and to recommit to doing better for your family’s sake are all buffers against the tide of destruction lapping at the shores of the family unit. As irresistible as those forces seem, I wanted to remind you, through the verse below, of the power of God and the power of promise:

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. ~Proverbs 22:6

God is a mighty warrior when it comes to protecting and guiding your family! We must communicate to our children their internal worth in God.

As a way to provide you with a quick reference for major concepts I have covered in this blog series of excerpts from Healthy Habits, Happy Kids, I’ve put together a checklist of support regarding the SOAR concept. As you read it, you’ll have a way to evaluate how you and your family are doing. Each will come in a form of a statement. As you read each statement, personally evaluate the truth in your own life.

Commit to living out these statements in the life of your family:

  • I motivate my family to change out of love for them.
  • I am committed to providing my family with the stability of my love through changes.
  • I accept each family member’s pace of change, understanding that even slow pace is progress toward our goals.
  • I expect the best from each member of my family every day.
  • Understanding my own issues, I make sure to examine my motivations.
  • I provide positive verbal support to each member of my family.
  • I visualize these changes as permanent.
  • Through prayer, personal study, meditation, nd godly friends, I plug into God’s support for me and my family.

SOURCE: Chapter 11, “Staying On Course,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healthy Living: Staying On Course

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Each child is a whole person, created by God to be an emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual being. When these aspects are addressed, your child truly can SOAR! You can do this — in small and large ways, day by day, you can do this! You needn’t do it perfectly, but you should do it consistently.

As your family makes baby steps, walk right with them. Take those steps yourself and recognize you’re in it together.

Above all, continue to communicate your love and support — through your words, actions, your commitment. Lead your family where you want them to go. Embody the qualities you want them to exhibit. You truly have more power for good than you imagine.

Remember the true source of that power for good: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:20-21). Yes, God’s power is immeasurable; he is able to do more than all we ask or imagine. So start imagining a healthier life for your family! Keep asking him for guidance and help. Allow his power to be at work within you as you work with your family.

Give all glory to Jesus for positive changes nin your life:

Dear Father, I give you praise for your power to change lives for the better. Be with me each day as this family I love becomes even healthier than it is today. I thank you for your vision of hope, and I acknowledge all the good you have done. When I falter, sustain me. When I stumble, pick me up. When I achieve, accept my praise. In failure and in victory, help me to stay the course and allow my family to SOAR! Amen.

SOURCE: Chapter 11, “Staying On Course,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healthy Kids: Enlisting the Help of Family

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

With so many families working full time in today’s society, children are often in the care of the larger family — ex-spouses, grandparents, or extended family. A circumstance may arise where those assisting in the care of your children do not agree with or acquiesce to the concepts of SOAR:

Supported – provided intentional guidance, direction, and nurturing

Optimistic — assured of a bright hope and future ahead for them as they grow

Active and Achieving — finding success in their personal and family endeavors and in active, energetic pursuits

Responsible — understanding and accepting their own part in healthy living and choices

Some members of your family may not want to invest the time and energy into putting SOAR concepts into action. They may not have a personal faith. Or they may resent your input into how the children are treated.

One of the hallmarks of SOAR is a commitment by the adult caregiver to adopt these concepts on a personal level. All along, you’ve been asked to examine your own heart, mind, and soul to determine what barriers or obstacles you are erecting to your family’s overall health and well-being. This is not an easy task, and some family members helping care for your children may choose not to engage in this level of self-examination. If this is your situation, please do not allow their reticence to derail your good intentions.

EX-SPOUSES

Children are always best off when ex-spouses work together for their good. In the real world, this doesn’t always happen, as envy, strife, and division can continue long after the marriage ends. Such a divisive relationship is devastating to children. I urge you to do whatever you can to try to be at peace with your ex-spouse. When you present the SOAR concepts to them, guard against appearing condemning or self-righteous. Plead and exhort form the platform of your mutual love and concern for your children.

GRANDPARENTS

As you integrate SOAR into your home, you will naturally expect that your desires will be honored by the grandparents. My children receive support, care, and nurturing from my parents, which is a blessing beyond calculation. Something is uniquely comforting about seeing your parents love and care for your children. It affirms the love you remember as a child and provides you with your own backup and support as you’re raising your children. So don’t sell these grandparents short! Sit down and explain what you’re hoping to achieve in your family and the positive changes your implementing. Many of this older generation will understand and support these changes, as they in many ways mirror what might be considered “old-fashioned” values.

EXTENDED FAMILY

As in other family situations, give extended family the benefit of the doubt. Share with them what you are doing in SOAR and why.  Adults can feel uncomfortable insisting on a different style of care from their parents than they received. This shouldn’t be the case with extended family. Their help is wonderful — from aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings — but insist that your parental direction be honored by those caring for your children.

With any of these care situations, share as much as you’re able about the positive environment — emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual — you desire for your children. As you contemplate your presentation, remember the admonition from Proverbs 12:18: “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

You can find the complete SOAR concept outlined in my book, Healthy Habits, Happy Kids, and highlights from the book in the following blog posts:

4 Ways To Keep Your Kids Healthy: What YOU Can Do

Right Words are Healing Words: How What You Say Affects Your Family

How Brad Learned to SOAR: O is for Optimism

A is for Active: Tips for Time-Crunched Parents

R is for Responsible for My Body

R is for Responsible for My Emotions

Parenting Styles: 3 Types to Avoid

R is for Responsible for My Relationships: Teenagers

7 Ways to Instill Faith In Your Children

SOURCE: Chapter 10, “SOAR-ing Above Special Circumstances,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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7 Ways to Instill Faith In Your Children

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

In 1 Timothy 1:2, the apostle Paul acknowledged his role as Timothy’s father in the faith. He did this by allowing Timothy to be privy to the intimate details of his own faith. He wasn’t secretive or restrained but instead openly and honestly demonstrated his faith and encouraged Timothy to emulate the good he saw.

This is your charge for your children.

Be open and honest and encourage your children to emulate the positive in your own life. Be transparent also about the bad, and model to your children how to ask for and accept forgiveness. Your children need the spiritual gifts of prayer life, a study life, a family life, and a life of service in the Lord. Each will be a tremendous spiritual blessing and will fortify your children for the rest of their lives:

1. Through Prayer. Children are natural prayers. The prayer of a child pours out faith, hope, and love: faith in a Father who hears, hope for an answer, and the love of a trusting child.

2. Through the Word. The Bible is active, alive, and effective. Ultimately, you will want to transfer your love and reliance upon Scripture to your child. After all, a time will come when you are no longer accessible to your child; God’s Word lasts forever and is an inexhaustible resource of knowledge, hope, and insight for your child today, tomorrow, and forever.

3. Through a Spiritual Family Life. Take your child to church. Allow your child to be taught by other godly adults and experience the joys of corporate worship. Strengthen your child with the knowledge that he or she is not alone in their faith.

4. Through a Life of Service. Your children need the spiritual gift of a life of service in God. This is your child’s true purpose in life, regardless of what he or she does for job or career or avocation.

5. Overcoming Spiritual Hurt. Unfortunately, some have experienced hurt at the hands of a church or religious group. However, if this has happened to you it is for the good of your child and your family to take steps to move beyond that painful experience and reconnect with a healthy body of believers.

6. Holy Ground. What type of soil are you providing for your child’s spiritual growth? Is it a soil packed down hard, where seeds of faith can hardly take root and are vulnerable to hungry opportunists? Or is it a good soil, rich in spiritual nutrients and cleared of spiritual obstacles, which allow your child’s faith to flower and blossom, to put down deep roots and multiply?

7. Encourage Spiritual Gifts. Think of at least one way you can encourage each one of the following gifts in your life: a prayer life, a study life, a spiritual family life, and a life of service. Make a plan to integrate these into your family life within the next month.

Simply put, in all these areas of responsibility, you set up the pattern for your child. Scripture even promises, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Prov. 22:6).

Your child needs to internalize this good news that his life has meaning and purpose in God’s kingdom.

SOURCE: Chapter 9, “R is for Responsible for My Faith,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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R is for Responsible for My Relationships: Teenagers

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

Those of you with teenage children may nod your head enthusiastically at the topic of relational responsibility. After all, your children are developing their own friends — often inexplicable to you! You’re concerned about the influence of their friends and about potential sexual activity. This area of relationships for those with teenagers is a minefield, fraught with both anticipated and hidden dangers.

You have a right to be concerned.

Proverbs talks about friends in this way:

“A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Prov. 12:26) and “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared” (Prov. 22:24-25).

Friends have influence over us. Teenagers especially tend to be “pack animals” and adopt the attitudes, beliefs, and values of the group with whom they associate. Pointing this out to teenagers can be a dicey proposition, as they tend to cling tightly to the image of defiant independence. Take, for example, teenage styles of dress, hair, or ornamentation. Teens adopt these styles as a way to declare personal independence, without taking into account their desire to fit into a group mentality. This paradox is visible to you, as the adult, but not necessarily to your teen.

The teenage years are a time of personal formation; your teen is making decisions about what sort of a person he or she wants to be. That is why it’s vital he or she has been given the tools needed to navigate these tricky waters. These tools aren’t handed to your children at fourteen, fifteen, or sixteen. Rather, over the course of their childhood, these tools are given, refined, supported, and encouraged.

Relational responsibility should be taught from infancy in order to support positive choices in adolescence and beyond. However, it is never too late to start teaching and modeling these concepts. Teenagers are still teachable and will listen to loving, commonsense advice. If your children are young, begin to teach these principles now. With solid grounding, your child can better weather the inevitable storms of adolescence, especially in the realm of relationships.

SOURCE: Chapter 8, “R is for Responsible for My Relationships,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Parenting Styles: 3 Types to Avoid

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

In Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, Dr. John Gottman cautions against three types of parenting styles:

1) Dismissing parents, who marginalize their children’s emotions

2) Disapproving parents, who are critical of their children’s emotions

3) Laissez-faire parents, who accept whatever emotions their children display but set no limits for those displays

None of these styles positively integrates the natural emotions of children into healthy parenting. If you dismiss your children’s emotional states, you dismiss your children, and your ability to influence them diminishes also. If you constantly express disapproval of your children, you crush their spirit. They will either reject you or rebel against you. If you adopt an “anything goes” attitude toward your children’s emotions, you deny them the opportunity to learn to regulate their emotional states. None of these teaches your child emotional responsibility.

Children need to test out their emotions. They need to experience them, express them, and learn to deal with them. How you react emotionally is being observed and factored into this amazing learning process. I have dealt with innumerable people who were shut down emotionally by their parents as children. These individuals struggle for years and must retrace their childhood steps in order to get back on the right path emotionally. I have also dealt with people who were taught by example to express whatever emotion they felt in whatever way they chose. Their family and friends generally find them to be unsafe and abusive. These individuals also must learn anew how to relate to other people.

Don’t be afraid of your children’s emotions. Be alert to them. Learn from them, and model back to your children healthy emotional responses.

Ask God to help you personally integrate and model emotional responsibility.

SOURCE: Chapter 7, “R is for Responsible for My Emotions,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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R is for Responsible for My Emotions

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Just as children come in all body types, they also come in all emotional types. Some children are natural stoics. Some children have a seemingly endless supply of pendular emotions. Other children are one-sided emotionally, reacting to a variety of situations with a specific emotional response, such as anger or disappointment. You may have emotionally different children but one desired outcome — for each child to become responsible for his or her emotional response.

KNOWING YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL STATE

Before we begin to talk about your child, we need to talk about you.

As the adult role model, you need to have your emotional act together. Just as your own poor food choices can make it difficult for your children to eat responsibly, your poor emotional choices can make it difficult for your children to react responsibly. Your emotional stability, or lack thereof, provides an environment for your child’s emerging emotions.

Think for a moment how you usually respond to the following situations with your child — not what you hope you’ll do or what you think you should do but your standard response.

  1. How do you respond when your child whines?
  2. How do you respond when your child is excited?
  3. How do you respond when your child is angry?
  4. How do you respond when your child is happy?
  5. How do you respond when your child is defiant?
  6. How do you respond when your child is hopeful?
  7. How do you respond when your child is sad?
  8. How do you respond when your child is right?
  9. How are your responses to others different from how you respond to y9ur child?

The way you respond to your child, and to others, speaks volumes. As the adult, you set the emotional tone for your child, affecting his or her own emotional response. So now take the time to go through the same nine questions again, this time answering with the healthy responses you would like to emulate in the future.

ASK FOR HELP

Father, thank you for making us as  diverse emotionally as we are physically. Help me to know and understand my child’s emotions. I confess I’ve allowed the sun to go down on my own anger. I accept that my emotional stability is a model for my child. Help me to allow my child to experience and express emotions. Alert me to any difficulty my child has with emotional stability, and help me to subdue my pride in order to get needed help. Amen.

SOURCE: Chapter 7, “R is for Responsible for My Emotions,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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R is for Responsible for My Body

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

In recent weeks I have introduced you to the SOAR concept when it comes to raising healthy, happy kids — Supported, Optimistic, Active and Achieving, and today’s focus, Responsible.

Scripture tells us that we are responsible to offer our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. We need to view our bodies as a valuable resource for God’s purposes in the world. In addition, we are to align our thoughts, priorities, and values not according to the pattern of this world but according to God’s will. These are lofty goals. We need to model them as adults so we can teach them to our children. We must show our children — not merely tell our children — how to act as responsible citizens in God’s kingdom.

Our bodies are complex systems that God has designed to operate optimally under some pretty straightforward, simple rules, applicable to every child:

  • Eat healthy — natural fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and proteins should be the staples of your child’s diet.
  • Get proper supplementation – begin in childhood to set the pattern of taking a good, absorbable multivitamin and mineral formula.
  • Drink water — growing bodies needs lots of clean, pure water.
  • Play hard — physical activity in childhood prepares the body for an active adulthood.
  • Rest well — children need good sleep and a soothing restful environment in which to rest and fall asleep each night.

Yes, they are simple, common-sense directives that all of us know, but the vast majority of us do not make good on these promises to our bodies and, in turn, the growing bodies of our children.

Remember that for the optimum health of your child, you need to actively partner with a pediatrician, ideally one who appreciates the whole-person approach to wellness. This partnership is invaluable! I realize many people move from place to place or even state to state, which can make health care continuity difficult. If you do not have a primary care physician for your child, I urge you to locate one and commit to regular checkups. Again, this is especially important if your child is significantly overweight and/or underfit. Your child needs medical supervision, and you need emotional and intellectual backup for the positive changes being implemented within your family.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.” ~Romans 12:1-2

SOURCE: Chapter 6, “R is for Responsible for My Body,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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