Posts Tagged ‘habits’

R is for Responsible for My Relationships: Teenagers

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

Those of you with teenage children may nod your head enthusiastically at the topic of relational responsibility. After all, your children are developing their own friends — often inexplicable to you! You’re concerned about the influence of their friends and about potential sexual activity. This area of relationships for those with teenagers is a minefield, fraught with both anticipated and hidden dangers.

You have a right to be concerned.

Proverbs talks about friends in this way:

“A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Prov. 12:26) and “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared” (Prov. 22:24-25).

Friends have influence over us. Teenagers especially tend to be “pack animals” and adopt the attitudes, beliefs, and values of the group with whom they associate. Pointing this out to teenagers can be a dicey proposition, as they tend to cling tightly to the image of defiant independence. Take, for example, teenage styles of dress, hair, or ornamentation. Teens adopt these styles as a way to declare personal independence, without taking into account their desire to fit into a group mentality. This paradox is visible to you, as the adult, but not necessarily to your teen.

The teenage years are a time of personal formation; your teen is making decisions about what sort of a person he or she wants to be. That is why it’s vital he or she has been given the tools needed to navigate these tricky waters. These tools aren’t handed to your children at fourteen, fifteen, or sixteen. Rather, over the course of their childhood, these tools are given, refined, supported, and encouraged.

Relational responsibility should be taught from infancy in order to support positive choices in adolescence and beyond. However, it is never too late to start teaching and modeling these concepts. Teenagers are still teachable and will listen to loving, commonsense advice. If your children are young, begin to teach these principles now. With solid grounding, your child can better weather the inevitable storms of adolescence, especially in the realm of relationships.

SOURCE: Chapter 8, “R is for Responsible for My Relationships,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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R is for Responsible for My Body

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

In recent weeks I have introduced you to the SOAR concept when it comes to raising healthy, happy kids — Supported, Optimistic, Active and Achieving, and today’s focus, Responsible.

Scripture tells us that we are responsible to offer our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. We need to view our bodies as a valuable resource for God’s purposes in the world. In addition, we are to align our thoughts, priorities, and values not according to the pattern of this world but according to God’s will. These are lofty goals. We need to model them as adults so we can teach them to our children. We must show our children — not merely tell our children — how to act as responsible citizens in God’s kingdom.

Our bodies are complex systems that God has designed to operate optimally under some pretty straightforward, simple rules, applicable to every child:

  • Eat healthy — natural fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and proteins should be the staples of your child’s diet.
  • Get proper supplementation – begin in childhood to set the pattern of taking a good, absorbable multivitamin and mineral formula.
  • Drink water — growing bodies needs lots of clean, pure water.
  • Play hard — physical activity in childhood prepares the body for an active adulthood.
  • Rest well — children need good sleep and a soothing restful environment in which to rest and fall asleep each night.

Yes, they are simple, common-sense directives that all of us know, but the vast majority of us do not make good on these promises to our bodies and, in turn, the growing bodies of our children.

Remember that for the optimum health of your child, you need to actively partner with a pediatrician, ideally one who appreciates the whole-person approach to wellness. This partnership is invaluable! I realize many people move from place to place or even state to state, which can make health care continuity difficult. If you do not have a primary care physician for your child, I urge you to locate one and commit to regular checkups. Again, this is especially important if your child is significantly overweight and/or underfit. Your child needs medical supervision, and you need emotional and intellectual backup for the positive changes being implemented within your family.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.” ~Romans 12:1-2

SOURCE: Chapter 6, “R is for Responsible for My Body,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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A is for Active: Tips for Time-Crunched Parents

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Helping your family to be active and achieving helps them to find and fulfill their purpose in God. As we look at the specifics of how to increase the activity of your family, please be aware that it will come with a cost. The cost will come in the form of your time and commitment. You must spend time with your children, with your family, implementing the changes that need to be made. This will require you to look at what you’re currently doing and how you’re spending your time and to restructure your day so you can support these changes.

Let’s take a look at how a typical time-crunched parent, using a father in a two-income household as an example.

He gets up early (earlier, in fact, than he’d really like, given when he got to bed the night before) to get ready for work and help get the kids ready to go off to day care or school. With moments to spare, he’s dropping off kids at the bus stop or day care. All day is taken up with work, and before he knows it, it’s time to go home. If he gets off work earlier than his wife, he’s probably the one who picks up the kids. If not, they’re already home by the time he arrives. Dinner is eaten, homework is done, and all he wants is just a little bit of time to himself to unwind. In fact, he looks forward to when the kids are finally in bed so he’s able to spend some time with his wife.

When life is like this, finding ways to become more involved and spend more time with your children is hard. Hard, but not impossible. Here are a few suggestions I have for this dad:

  • Get up early enough to sit down and have breakfast with your children.
  • Take time the night before to choose a particular verse of Scripture to share with them as you eat together.
  • Use the time you have in the car with them to reaffirm your love and your desire for them to have a good day and to pray with them.
  • After work, take part in an organized activity with your children.
  • Take your children to the library on another day of the week.
  • Participate together in a midweek church service or Bible study.
  • Walk the family dog to a local park.

In other words, get out of the house and commit time to what makes your children happy. Sure, the easy thing to do is to come home each evening and determine, based upon your day, that the best thing to do is sit on the couch or in front of the television or computer doing just what you want to do. But your children need you to reserve time and energy and involvement for them, especially the younger the child.

What is the cost?

It means you won’t be able to watch that television show or get on the computer as much. It means you’ll need to reorient your focus from what you want to do in the evening to what’s best for your children. I think you’ll find, however, that the rewards of this connected, involved, and active time with your children will far outweigh the costs.

“Jesus said unto them, ‘My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working.’” ~John 5:17

SOURCE: Chapter 4, “A is for Active,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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How Brad Learned to SOAR: O is for Optimism

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Brad came to work with us at The Center as a young man in his twenties. He was struggling with self-esteem issues that translated into a dependence upon alcohol. Unable to hold a job, he continued to live at home, making constant demands upon his parents. These demands drained their emotional and financial resources and alienated him from the rest of his siblings. Everyone in the family, including extended family living nearby, seemed to have tried to help Brad but was burned in the process. Many family members had already given up on him, deeming him beyond help and not worth another chance. Others saw our mental health and chemical dependency treatment agency as his last chance.

We were able to address and treat Brad’s reliance upon alcohol as well as work with him to uncover the roots of his addiction. Brad’s answers and demeanor began to reveal that his drinking was fueled not by an attraction to alcohol but by repulsion from something else. Brad had turned to alcohol due to some pain he was attempting to self-medicate and numb. As we worked with him to dig deeper, we helped him discover how and when his world had turned upside down and he had lost his horizon line of hope.

Most people know the half empty/half full glass analogy. It goes something like this; when people look at a glass containing liquid up to the middle, some will see the glass as half empty and some will see the glass as half full. Those who see it as half empty are pessimists, and the half full people are optimists. I’ve used this analogy as a way to illustrate to clients how subtle perceptions can alter their worldview. When they look at the glass, they’re actually seeing their own reactions to life.

Now, when Brad’s parents looked at Brad, they expected to see a completely full glass. After all, they were prosperous, hard-working people themselves, and they could envision nothing less than a full glass for Brad at all times. Sometime around Brad’s early adolescence, however, his parents began to perceive that Brad’s glass was less than full, for he began to operate below their expectations. In their minds, they had worked hard to fill Brad’s glass all the way to the brim, and Brad kept behaving and performing in a way that made the contents of that full glass spill out. This produced feelings of frustration, anger, and disappointment in his parents.

The only optimism they had for Brad’s future was centered not around what Brad was capable of achieving on his own but rather on what they had provided. He was expected to mirror their success — a success that mirrored their definition. Brad’s future was not really about him and actually about them.

Somewhere around 15 years of age, Brad decided he wasn’t capable — that his glass without his parents refilling it was actually completely empty. He turned to alcohol to stem the growing fear and anxiety of reaching adulthood.

Now, I believe that everyone is responsible for their own behavior, especially as they arrive at adulthood. In fact, the R in SOAR is all about responsibility. But as we identified this pattern of behavior between Brad and his parents, what became clear to me was their total lack of belief in a bright future for Brad — as Brad. He certainly didn’t have it, and neither did his parents.

The only thing the three seemed able to initially agree on was a paralyzing fear of what Brad’s future held.

Because of their own achievements, Brad’s parents couldn’t see the true horizon line when they looked at Brad. They kept looking inward at themselves and refused to see Brad for who he was. As his struggles with life increased in adolescence, they began to avoid really looking at Brad at all. It was too painful, for they truly loved their son, but when they looked at Brad’s failures, they caught a glimpse of their own.

What this family desperately needed was a restored vision of optimism and hope for the future. Brad’s parents needed to believe in God’s power to help Brad overcome his drinking. Brad needed to trust God’s plan for his life and stop fearing the future. They all needed to grasp God’s grace and learn to forgive each other. Fortunately, they’ve been able to heal and reestablish their relationships, but it took years of diverted time and energy to bring their family back on the right track.

I applaud your decision to put your energies into your family now!

SOURCE: Chapter 3, “O is for Optimism,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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4 Ways To Keep Your Kids Healthy: What YOU Can Do

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

Creating a healthy and balanced environment for your child to SOAR — emotionally, relationally, physically and spiritually — revolves around four interconnected elements that I touched upon in last Wednesday’s blog post and go into greater detail below. These are the key components to creating healthy habits for healthy kids when it comes to nutrition, exercise and other elements of whole-person health:

1) Support. Children are very sensitive to adult nuances. They interpret the moods and attitudes of the adults around them and make judgments based upon their own understanding. Sometimes those judgments are center-straight, and sometimes they are skewed by a child’s misperception. That you consistently convey a positive attitude of love, acceptance, and support for your child and for those healthy changes is therefore vitally important.

You must be your child’s greatest advocate. All of the good you are trying to do can be undone if your child perceives there is something wrong or unlovable about him or her which is necessitating these changes. He or she receives enough negative pressure from the culture and environment without feeling deficient at home. Please remember that living a healthy life benefits everyone and should not be portrayed as a punishment for being overweight, inactive, or unhealthy.

2) Optimism. You child strives to live up to your expectations. If those expectations aren’t very high, your child interprets the reason as your belief that he or she is not capable. While you don’t want to set the bar so high that no one could reach it, you don’t want to set it so low that nothing is accomplished. How do you maintain a balance for yourself between too high and too low of expectations? By consistently presenting opportunities for positive change while praising your child for every victory, no matter how small.

And remember, as you provide this environment for your child, you’re also providing it for yourself. Don’t be afraid to expect good things from you! As a family, you are all in it it together. As a parent, you are in the driver’s seat in so many ways. I encourage you to believe in yourself, believe in your child, and believe that God is with you.

3) Active achievement. One of the primary areas in which we need to encourage our child’s achievement is in the realm of physical activity. Your child needs to get out and play, move, exercise, and have fun physically. This is the only way he or she can acheive a healthy, active physical lifestyle. You’ll need to make adjustments to your own schedule and habits in order for this to happen. As much as possible, you need to spend active time with your children. As an active, vibrant person yourself, you can motivate your child to desire the same.

4) Responsibility. Children are the best judges of when they are hungry. They are not, however, the best judges of what to eat when they are hungry. High-calorie, high-fat, high-sugar food and drink sing out a siren song to today’s children.

As a responsible parent, your job is not to forbid certain types of food but rather to help your child understand healthy food and nutrition. From this basis, your child can make positive food choices whether you are present or not. And as you choose what you will have available and prepare for your child, you help create a palate that appreciates healthy food and is able to withstand the constant temptation of unhealthy choices. Taking responsibility in this area will provide a wonderful model for the other, nonfood areas of growing up.

SOURCE: Introduction to Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Giving Your Kids Whole-Person Health

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

As I blogged about last week, the secret to healthy kids can be found through a whole-person approach. I call this helping a child SOAR. As parents, we must strive to allow our children to grow up in an environment where they are:

Supported – provided intentional guidance, direction, and nurturing

Optimistic — assured of a bright hope and future ahead for them as they grow

Active and Achieving — finding success in their personal and family endeavors and in active, energetic pursuits

Responsible — understanding and accepting their own part in healthy living and choices

You became a parent out of a desire to love and nurture another special human being, your child, hopfeul that you would find the encouragement, strength, and support you needed along the way. Nothing has changed! Allow your ongoing love for your child and desire for his or her well-being to motivate you to do your very best to provide for these needs.

EMOTIONALLY

As you assist your child in attaining physical goals, you must determine where your child is emotionally. In our culture, adults use food as a way to deal with the stresses and uncertainties of life. Our kids may do the same, since they can be as caught up in this fast-paced, stressful life as we are. Food can become pleasure, reward, companion, rebellion, or sheer comfort. You need to understand what your child needs emotionally and how he or she may be turning to food to obtain it. Your child’s needs are not wrong, but if food has become his or her primary source of meeting those needs, you must intervene as a parent. You can intentionally provide for those needs in non-food ways and return food to its proper place as nutrition for growing, active children. You may return food to being the ally, not the enemy, of your child today and for the future.

RELATIONALLY

Children need parents around them who believe in their child’s bright future, who sacrifice themselves for the child’s well-being. Children need adult examples of how to get along together, of what’s really important, of how to handle the inevitable setbacks in life, of integrating defeats and victories today into life tomorrow. Children need stability, love, and acceptance. As a parent, you are able to provide this vital foundation. A child who feels loved and accepted is less likely to turn to counterfeits for significance and more likely to find the courage to assimilate needed changes. Love and acceptance bring freedom to grow and to change.

PHYSICALLY

Running, jumping, nad playing are synonymous with childhood. Or are they? Have running, jumping, and playing been replaced by television, video games, and the computer in your child’s life? Sedentary lifestyales used to be only for tired, worn-out adults. More and more children, however, are succumbing to inactive, snack-driven habits. As parents, we have the imperative to restructure our children’s surroundings and activities to reflect a healthy balance of physical activity, exercise, and fun. Your child needs to be active, to use and stretch and grow that miraculous body given by God — for life. You can help your child integrate healthy eating and activities into his or her life right now and into adulthood.

SPIRITUALLY

Your child is a spiritual being, with an innate understanding of and faith in God. These attributes of childhood are precious and fragile. They can be damaged by the very people — parents — who desire them so desperately for their children. Undergirding a healthy, blanced life for every child is a firm foundation of knowing who he or she is to God. Parents have a special responsibility to teach and affirm this faith. Concepts of self-worth, true value, forgiveness, and acceptance cannot be adequately taught without a framework of spiritual instruction. Parents are permitted and expected by God to pass along God’s love to their children. Your child needs to learn faith from you and needs to see that faith expressed in your own life.

SOURCE: Introduction to Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healthy Habits, Happy Kids: Helping Them SOAR

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Somewhere along the line, kids have lost some of their childhood. We’ve taken it from them through our accelerated culture. We’ve overshadowed it by adult concerns and worries. Through a long line of stress-induced choices, we keep putting their childhood on hold. The sum of our daily decisions can add up to a childhood compromised or lost. That certainly isn’t our intent as parents, but it’s becoming a common outcome.

Changes in our culture and society have negatively impacted the health and well-being of kids today. Our kids are more stressed, less connected, more busy, and less active than we were growing up. As parents, we see this but feel at a loss to know how to regain control over our own frenetic lifestyles and return a healthy, balanced childhood to our kids.

Concerned with our own weight we worry over the physical health of our kids, as childhood weight gain and obesity levels begin to mirror adult epidemic proportions. Caught between the dangers of unhealthy weight on one hand and the dangers of unhealthy attitudes about weight, food, and body image on the other, parents are left struggling.

We want to help but don’t know how. Sometimes what you do to try to help just ends up making the whole situation worse. So you do nothing, out of fear; which provides no solution at all.

But we must provide a solution!

Our kids are being weighed down not just with extra pounds but with conditions and concerns long thought to be strictly associated with adulthood and advancing age: hypertension, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, anxiety, and stress. Given these realities, we want our children to lose weight and live healthy and happy lives.

Helping Kids SOAR

The secret to healthy kids can be found through a whole-person approach to the needs of your child. Each child is more than he or she weighs. Each is a compilation of preferences, personality, genetics, and family patterns. In society today, appearance takes center stage, but a thin child is not necessarily a happy child. By addressing the emotional, relational, physical and spiritual needs of children, parents are able to provide a balanced, caring environment that contributes to lifelong happiness and health.

I call this helping a child SOAR. As parents, we must strive to allow our children to grow up in an environment where they are:

Supported – provided intentional guidance, direction, and nurturing

Optimistic — assured of a bright hope and future ahead for them as they grow

Active and Achieving — finding success in their personal and family endeavors and in active, energetic pursuits

Responsible — understanding and accepting their own part in healthy living and choices

When children grow up with this framework, they are truly able to SOAR through a healthy, happy childhood and into a productive, vital adulthood.

Next Wednesday — Helping your child SOAR emotionally

SOURCE: Introduction to Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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