Posts Tagged ‘Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger’

The Story of a Woman’s Anger

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

On February 15th EatingDisorderHope.com is giving away 10 copies of my book Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger. For a preview of what to expect, here’s a collection of blogs I ran a few months ago featuring case studies of four women whose stories are shared in the book:

Pamela Under Stress: A Busy Mother’s Siege Mentality

Pamela really felt under siege by the pressures of her life. Every task, every demand on her time — even those she agreed to — began to feel like an attack against her peace of mind, her emotional stability, her physical stamina…. Read more.

Paralyzed by Anger: Jenny’s Story

Jenny listened to the voice message from Colin with mixed emotions. Part of her wanted to smile at how sweet he sounded over the phone. The other part of her counseled to avoid being swayed by the sound of his voice. She had already made up her mind not to continue going out with him. Her reasons were very specific and justified. He wasn’t serious enough. He lacked motivation. He wasn’t sensitive enough to her needs. For each reason, she could relive a detailed example of that failing…. Read more.

Anger In Waiting: Connie’s Story

Connie glanced at the clock on the dresser, agitated by how late it was. Almost simultaneously she heard her husband call up to the bedroom from downstairs. Rob wanted to know when she’d be ready to leave, and it was obvious by his tone of voice he was irritated at her tardiness. He’d said to be ready at 5:30, and she still had six minutes left, according to the clock…. Read more.

Resolving Relationships: Katie’s Story, Part I

Katie came to work with me originally because of depression and an eating disorder. Her mother was concerned because, at twenty-three, Katie was obese. She had a good job but was plagued by high absenteeism that threatened her employment. When she was at work, she was meticulous and thorough. But there were just too many days when she couldn’t seem to make it in. Her weight never seemed to go down. It would plateau for a time, but then Katie would have a “down time” and up it would creep…. Read more.

Resolving Relationships: Katie’s Story, Part II

Katie hadn’t worried about it much while still in school because the sheer busyness and activity level of college kept a lid on her weight. As soon as Katie graduated and got a job, however, things started to unravel. Even though she wanted to lose weight, she couldn’t seem to. The heavier she got, she worse she felt. The more out of control her life and her eating became, the angrier she got. The angrier she got, the more despair she felt. The more despair she felt, the deeper her depression. The more depressed she became, the harder it was to go to work and the easier it was to eat…. Read more.

Click here for details on how to enter the book giveaway.

Resolving Anger: The Proverbs Series

Friday, February 4th, 2011

As I blogged about a few days ago, on February 15th EatingDisorderHope.com is giving away 10 copies of my book Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger. For a preview of what to expect, here’s a blog series I ran a few months ago featuring excerpts from the book.

RESOLVING ANGER: THE PROVERBS SERIES

Calming Quarrels (Proverbs 15:18)

Proverbs 15:18 — “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Anger can produce a state of heightened anxiety and watchfulness. Anger can distort events and twist them into unintended shapes. Anger keeps you hot-tempered and itching for a fight, so much so that your attitude actually stirs up dissension. Being patient, however, is said to calm a quarrel. When you are able to turn your anger over to God, you are able to patiently wait for him to exact justice for you. Being patient keeps you calm and better able to realistically assess a given situation. Being calm leaves room for grace.

Fighting Fairly (Proverbs 17:14)

Proverbs 17:14 — “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Nowhere is this truer, I think, than in working with couples. If both people have unresolved relationships, starting a quarrel between them unleashes a torrent of hidden issues….

Protection or Destruction? (Proverbs 17:19)

Proverbs 17:19 — “He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.” There are women I know, probably women you know, who love a good argument. It seems they like nothing better than to fight about nearly everything. If you are one of these women, you know deep down how much satisfaction you get out of unleashing your temper….

Driving Out the Mocker (Prvbs 22:10)

Proverbs 22:10 — “Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.” Did you know that you have a “mocker” inside your head? This is that negative voice you’ve read about that puts you down and devalues you. This voice is fueled by all the false, destructive, and unkind things said against you and things done to you. When this voice says you are not lovable, it mocks the truth of God’s love for you….

The Battle Belongs to the Lord (Prov. 26:17)

Proverbs 26:17 — “Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.” Every one of you has been damaged by a sin in your life — your own sin and the sins perpetrated against you. You are a casualty of a war raging. This war takes place in your life but also in realms beyond your comprehension….

Avoiding Gossip (Prov. 26:20)

Proverbs 26:20 — “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” Become aware of what sort of fuel incites your anger. Learn to be discerning. Refrain from indignation and umbrage at unsubstantiated rumors and gossip. Not only is this sort of behavior destructive, it often diverts you from your own work of reflection and recovery….

Two to Tango (Prov 26:21) 

Proverbs 26:21 — “As coal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.” An old saying is that it takes two to tango. If you insist on being a quarrelsome person, you will find a willing partner; you are sure to find plenty of opportunity to kindle strife….

Click here for details on how to enter the book giveaway.

EatingDisorderHope.com Sponsors Monthly Book Giveaways in 2011

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

Every month this year through November, EatingDisorderHope.com is featuring one of my books in its library of resources for eating disorder treatment, discovery and related issues. Each featured book comes with a book giveaway, the next one scheduled for February 15 – Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger

I’d like to thank Eating Disorder Hope for sharing my books, and I’d like to encourage you to check out their website for a whole host of information and inspiration intended to support its mission: “To offer hope, information and resources to individual eating disorder sufferers, their family members and treatment providers.”

Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger helps women face their anger issues, move beyond them, and live the life they were meant to live.

So if you (or someone you know) want to…

  • accept the truth of your anger
  • examine where it comes from
  • be honest about how you use it
  • be open to change
  • be willing to forgive, even yourself
  • be willing to feel something else besides their anger

click here for details on how to enter the book giveaway today.

Saying Goodbye to Anger

Friday, January 29th, 2010

In this my final blog post in a series of excerpts from my new book, Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger, I would like to leave you with some final thoughts from the last chapter, “Relying on the Power of God”:

Serving your anger has brought you pain, resentment, bitterness, and sorrow. God promises to give you love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

God is the better master.

If your anger springs from an injustice, an evil, a wrong against you, God will repay.

If your anger springs from unrealistic expectations and wishful thinking, God will renew your mind to see, understand, and appreciate the truth.

If your anger springs from guilt, shame, and fear, God will heal those wounds and replace them with peace, acceptance, and courage.

If your anger is so deeply engrained you can hardly tell where it comes from anymore, God will gently work the truth up to the surface so you can deal with it and move beyond.

If your anger is all you feel you have left in this world, God will open up your eyes to his endless promises and possibilities for your life.

All you need to do to start down this path is to believe.

All you need to do to continue down this path is to act on your belief:

  • Start small
  • Be intentional
  • Be alert to yourself
  • Really listen to what you say to yourself and to others
  • When you need to be angry, use God as your punching bag
  • When you find yourself angry over the things God is angry about, pray and give it over to him since he’s got it anyway
  • Actively invite and nurture positive thoughts and feelings
  • Practice an attitude of gratitude about life and other people
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff
  • Forgive the big stuff
  • Leave room for God’s wrath
  • Actively and intentionally replace love for anger

More than anything else, open your heart and mind to God and his transforming power. Be patient but purposeful in your pursuit of love. Be patient with others; be patient with yourself.

Wait upon the Lord, and he will renew your strength.

SOURCE: Chapter 12: “Relying on the Power of God” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Living a Full Life: Embracing Optimism, Hope and Joy

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

When you intentionally grab hold of and fill your mind with good things like optimism, hope, and joy instead of bad things like anger and bitterness, you are able to change the content of your life. This can be a wonderful and frightening prospect. It is wonderful to consider being different from who you’ve been. It can also be frightening if you aren’t sure if this new person you’ll become will be safe.

Anger, rage, bitterness, and resentment are powerful and can take over who you are. They can warp who you are. They can become who you are and overshadow how you feel. Again, what kind of person do you really want to be?

Jesus said in Luke:

No good trees bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. ~Luke 6:43-45

SOURCE: Chapter 11: “Living the Power of Optimism, Hope, and Joy” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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How to Forgive Without Forgetting

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

Gina could hear the frustration in her sister’s voice, mixed with incredulity and a dash of betrayal. “I don’t understand how you can stand to be around her! How can you forget what she was like growing up?”

“I haven’t forgotten what she was like,” Gina replied. “I’ve forgiven her for what she was like.” It wasn’t the first time Gina and her sister had replayed this conversation. It seemed to surface after major holidays. Patricia refused to engage in anything more than a yearly cursory visit while Gina made a point to spend time with their mother. Patricia clearly couldn’t stand to be around her mother for longer than was absolutely necessary, and she didn’t understand how Gina could. More than once, Patricia implied that Gina was taking sides against her and for their mother.

“Even if I could let go of the past, she’s still the same old Mom,” said Patricia, “negative, judgmental, and critical. She drives me nuts!”

“Once I forgave her,” Gina responded, “it took away a lot of her power to ‘drive me nuts.’ I’m not mad at her anymore over the past, so when she starts into that behavior now, I’m able to set really good boundaries.”

“How do you forgive someone who hasn’t asked for it?” Patricia asked.

“I can forgive her,” said Gina, “because it’s really my decision, not hers. I need to forgive her more than she wants to be forgiven. I just didn’t want to live with all that anger and bitterness inside anymore. The only way to let it go was to forgive.”

Some things cannot be mitigated. They cannot be fixed. They cannot be removed. They can only be forgiven. Forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It is a strategic, purposeful response to pain and injury — one that can be acted on even if you don’t feel like it. For some things, only the healing waters of forgiveness have the power to douse the flames of anger. Extending forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do in life. Yet, it brings you closer to the character of God.

SOURCE: Chapter 10: “Experiencing the Power of Forgiveness” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Why Accepting the Truth Takes Time: A Miracle of God

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Arriving at truth is a process, especially the more deeply you hurt. It isn’t something that can be rushed. It rarely comes neatly packaged in a single revelation.

It can be difficult to wait, especially when you’re in pain. You may want God to produce an instant miracle. You may want to be at the point of acceptance right now, immediately. But if the change were instantaneous, would it alter the substance of the miracle? Could it be that God’s miracle is changing you not merely on the surface but all the way down throughout your being?

Think about the miracle of a new life. It isn’t instantaneous, although God could certainly have made it that way. Instead life happens over time, as each part is woven together inside the womb, as Psalm 139 so beautifully depicts.

Think about the miracle of aging. People aren’t born adults, they are born as babies who age and grow and mature. Again, it’s a process.

Think about the miracle of spiritual rebirth. It is a process of renewal that Paul talks about in Romans 12:2. God is the God of miracle, but he is also the God of process, and sometimes it’s impossible to separate the two. Perhaps it’s because you and I would fail to fully understand and appreciate certain miracles if they happened too fast. Process allows for reflection and time to think and appreciate.

I say all of this to help you consider that the very act of acceptance is one that will take time. It is unrealistic of you to expect God to zap you into acceptance in the blink of an eye. It is unfair to expect yourself to fast-forward through this process as you learn to accept the truth of your life. This is because some hurts are deeper and more impacting than others. Your focus should not be on the time it is taking but rather on the progress you are making. Don’t doubt the process.

Trust that God is at work within you (Phil. 2:13; Eph. 3:20), bringing you to a knowledge of the truth (1 Tim. 2:4).

SOURCE: Chapter 9: “Learning the Power of Acceptance” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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How Women Anger Differently than Men: “Talking It Over” with Me and Janet Parshall

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

If you’ve been following this blog or my Twitter and Facebook pages you know my focus over the past couple of months has been on the subject of anger management — specifically anger management for women. So I am excited to announce that this Saturday, January 23, Janet Parshall is welcoming me as a guest to discuss this very subject on her syndicated radio show, “Talking It Over,” which airs on 1,100 radio stations nationwide.

What I have discovered in my work at The Center is that both hidden and vented anger lie at the heart of numerous challenges women face on a daily basis, from stress and depression, to addictions and eating disorders. In fact, it is such a prevalent problem that I devoted an entire book to the subject, Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger, with stories and research from which I will draw for Saturday’s show.

Talking It Over” is a 2-hour program that examines today’s most pressing issues from a biblical perspective.

I’ll be talking with Janet the first 60 minutes of the show specifically about:

  • How women deal with anger differently than men
  • How women can discover and address the roots causes of anger
  • How anger contributes to unfulfilled desires among women

Pastor Bill Perkins will talk with Janet the second half of the show, focused on:

  • How you can be a good man and still get angry
  • How mens’ core issues differ from womens’
  • How we can take a cue from scripture and “be slow to anger”

You can listen live to “Talking It Over” on Saturday at 9 am (PT).

New Year Book Giveaway: Request your free signed, personalized copy of Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger

Patty’s Journey Through Depression: From LAST Hope to FIRST Hope

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

It’s been more than 25 years since I founded The Center for Counseling and Health Resources in Edmonds, Washington. During this time I have had the honor and privilege of witnessing hundreds of people overcome depression they once thought insurmountable. Patty is among them, a woman who generously shares her story in the hope that it will help someone else heal too.

Hello, my name is Patty. I am a 54 year old woman and on November 23, 2009, I died. I took an overdose of a muscle relaxer and called my brother and said goodbye and then proceeded to call my dad and do the same. My husband took me to the emergency room where I went to sleep and stopped breathing. This was not the first time I had wanted to “just go to sleep,” “just get a break from life for a little while,” but it will be the last.

Through an exhaustive search process by my children, they found The Center, A Place of Hope.

Now fast forward to December 7th 2009; my life began again. On December 7th, I walked into The Center on Dayton Street in Edmonds Washington a very very broken and scared woman, not knowing what to expect, but knowing that this was my last hope. What I ended up finding there was not my LAST hope, but rather my FIRST hope. My only quest when I went to The Center was to get knowledge about depression and the tools to treat it. What I ended up walking out with after a short 30 day treatment stay was self esteem, inner peace and for the first time in my life, happiness.

For me the key to this success was the whole-person approach to treatment. The Center treats your emotional, spiritual, nutritional, relational, and physical self in order for you to leave a whole person.  My days consisted of many hours of one-on-one treatments with various counselors that were handpicked for my particular needs — “My Team” as they were called, and also many group sessions where you got to listen and learn from others that shared your same feelings and challenges.

It meant so much to me to be in a room with others that I didn’t have to explain how I was feeling; they were feeling that too, but even more importantly to be “heard.”  To be acknowledged by counselors that really wanted you to be better, wanted you to succeed. That felt good. Don’t get me wrong, this was not an easy, cake walk of a process; it was anything but that. I had to dig in and want to change, want to learn, and want to be free of this life sentence called depression. It meant working sometimes 8 to 10 hours a day on me, on my issues, and be willing to do whatever it took to heal with the guidance of my team.

On January 3, 2010 I flew back to my home and my family a whole, happy woman for the first time in my life. The days and weeks that have followed have not been met without challenges, but with the tools that I learned through my counseling sessions at The Center, I am able to work through them without that dire, “the world is coming to an end” mentality. I now am able to find my truth in a situation and work through it.

I will forever be grateful to my family for finding A Place of Hope and for investing in my life and in my future. MY FUTURE….what wonderful words those are.

Are you or is someone you know living with depression? Though by no means a scientific tool for diagnosis, our Depression Survey can help you identify contributing conditions in your life — the first step in moving forward toward help, hope and healing.

OTHER RESOURCES

Depression Information from The Center

Depression Treatment at The Center

Moving Beyond Depression: A Whole-Person Approach to Healing by Dr. Gregory Jantz

The Dishonest Standard of Perfection

Monday, January 18th, 2010

When you use perfection as the standard by which you feel loved yourself or show love to others, this is a dishonest standard because it is impossible to attain. Leviticus 19:35 says, “Do not use dishonest standards when measuring length, weight or quantity” and Proverbs 11:1 says, “The Lord abhors dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight.”

If God abhors — or hates — dishonest scales when used on things like wheat or oil, how much more will he abhor dishonest scales when they are used against those he loves?

Perfectionism is a dishonest standard used against you to withhold love and affection.

Perfectionism is a dishonest standard used by you to try to attain love and affection from others.

Perfectionism is a dishonest standard used by you to withhold your love and affection from others.

In any form, it must be jettisoned so that acceptance can do its work in your life.

SOURCE: Chapter 9: “Learning the Power of Acceptance” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

New Year Book Giveaway: Request your free signed and personalized copy of my new inspirational book for women!

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