Posts Tagged ‘Eating disorders’

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week [RESOURCES]

Thursday, March 1st, 2012

Every year, the National Eating Disorders Association dedicates a full week to raising awareness about anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive overeating. You can help this week by educating yourself about eating disorders and sharing that knowledge with others. Of course, if you or a loved one is living with anorexia, bulimia or compulsive overeating, there is no better time than now to seek the help you need. The resources referenced below can help.

Information on Eating Disorders, including signs of eating disorders and the physical health problems associated with them.

Eating Disorder Survey,101 questions to help determine the kind of help that may be needed for someone living with anorexia, bulimia or compulsive overeating.

Hope, Help and Healing for Eating Disorders by Dr. Gregory Jantz, the founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, specializing in whole-person care for the treatment of eating disorders.

Hungry for Hope: A Family Affair [CONFERENCE]

Thursday, May 26th, 2011

If you or a loved one have been affected by an eating disorder, you know it’s a family affair, sucking the life and love out of the most significant people and relationships in your life. Thus, this year’s theme for the premiere Christian conference for eating disorders and body image issues.

Hungry for Hope: A Family Affair is June 15-18, 2011, at the Glen Eyrie Castle in Colorado Springs. I’ll be speaking there, as will two dozen other presenters on the topics of bulimia, anorexia and compulsive overeating, with particular focus on familial attitudes about:

  • Food
  • Genetics
  • Culture
  • Shame
  • Boundaries

As I write in Hope, Help & Healing for Eating Disorders:

“The key to an eating disorder or to disordered eating often lies in relationships. For most people, those relationships lie within the family. The behaviors surrounding a dysfunctional relationship with food are often the result of another relationship – perhaps several relationships – tilting off the mark.”

Hungry for Hope: A Family Affair aims to address some of these issues, empowering you and your family to learn the healthy way to love one another during treatment and recovery.

The conference is limited to the first 135 registrants, so if you would like to attend, please sign up today. Attendance is just $198, which covers the cost of all sessions, materials and meals. Lodging at Glen Eyrie Castle is additional with room rates starting at just $70. For more details – including help finding a roommate if you like – visit FindingBalance.com.

May is Mental Health Month [RESOURCES]

Friday, May 13th, 2011

One in 4 adults in the U.S. have been diagnosed with a mental health condition. Note the emphasis on “diagnosed.” If we take into account every man and woman who is suffering in silence, alone, Americans living with mental health conditions is far greater than 25 percent. Unfortunately, the stigma still attached to mental illness discourages people from seeking help. It’s for this reason this month is so important.

May is Mental Health Month, sponsored by Mental Health America, the country’s leading non-profit dedicated to helping people lead mentally healthier lives.

If you would like to help raise awareness about mental health, support one or both of this year’s campaigns:

  1. Do More for 1 in 4, a call to action to help the 1 in 4 American adults who live with a diagnosable, treatable mental health condition and the fact that they can go on to live full and productive lives.
  2. Live Well: It’s Essential for Your Potential, focusing on 10 science-based tools for managing stress and helping you relax, grow and flourish.

For details on how you can help – including suggested posts for Twitter and Facebook – check out the official website of Mental Health America.

And if you or someone you know is living with a mental health condition, refer to the following resources on:

I’ve also written a number of books on mental health issues, all of which you can browse and buy in the Hope Store.

Parental Involvement Important in the Prevention and Awareness of Eating Disorders

Saturday, March 19th, 2011

It is my honor to share with you this article by two eating disorder experts — Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC, Founder and Director of Eating Disorder Hope and Debra Cooper, Expert Writer on eating disorders….

Eating disorders are now epidemic in the United States.  Approximately 11 million women and girls struggle with anorexia and bulimia.  Although the average age of onset is 14, girls are being diagnosed as young as eight.

In years past, an eating disorder stereotype existed. This person was female, white, usually first-born or an only child, a high-achiever and from an affluent family.   That stereotype is long gone. Today, anorexia and bulimia are equal-opportunity disorders.  They flourish in every culture, race, ethnicity, social-economic group, and religion throughout our country. And, whereas eating disorders were once exclusively a female issue, this is no longer the case. Anorexia and bulimia are also on the rise in the male population.

In other words, no individual is exempt and no family is immune.  The following is designed to provide parents with the information required to understand eating disorders and help prevent one from occurring in their home.

Eating Disorders Defined

Eating disorders are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike depression or anxiety. Those with an eating disorder use food in an unhealthy manner to cope with unpleasant emotions or difficult life situations. Anorexia and bulimia are two of the most common and dangerous of these disorders.

Anorexia is defined by self-starvation. Those with this illness intentionally starve themselves to dangerously thin levels, at least 15% below what would be considered a normal weight.  Anorexia is an addictive behavior. It is often accompanied by body distortion. This means the one practicing the behavior literally does not see what everyone else does. Regardless of how emaciated she becomes, she still sees an overweight girl in the mirror.

Bulimia is an extremely complex disorder that is difficult for most people to understand. It rarely occurs in very young children. It is far more likely to manifest in adolescents. When a girl has bulimia, she uncontrollably binges on large amounts of food and then purges through vomiting, starving, excessive exercise, laxatives, or other methods. This behavior also has addictive qualities. An individual with bulimia may purge more than 20 times a day.

Contributing Factors & Warning Signs

What causes an eating disorder is highly individualized; it is rarely the result of one isolated event or life situation. Certain factors can contribute to the onset of an eating disorder in a child or adolescent girl.  These include genetics, peer pressure, dieting, trauma, media influence, life transitions, athletics and perfectionism.

The most obvious sign of anorexia is extreme and rapid weight loss.  These girls often diet obsessively, focus inordinate interest in calories, carbohydrates and fat grams, complain about being fat and display an extreme preoccupation with food.  A girl with anorexia will never admit to being hungry, even though she is starving.

The key warning sign for bulimia is leaving quickly after meals and spending a long time in the bathroom.  Visible indications of bulimia are scrapes on the fingers or hands, swollen glands in the neck or possibly broken blood vessels in the eyes.  It is not unusual for a young person with bulimia to steal food from the family or a grocery store.

Body Image and Eating Disorders

Body image is how a person sees herself. It is rarely based on reality, but is far more defined by the culture in which she lives.  Unfortunately, we live in a society that places an absurdly high value on physical perfection and beauty.  This obsession with perfection is most evident in the American media. Beautiful females are showcased everywhere, especially in magazines to promote any number of products.  Often these photos have been altered or undergone a tremendous amount of computer manipulation to achieve perfection.  The problem is:  the girls scrutinizing these models believe they are real – that what they see is how that model actually looks.

By definition, adolescent girls are very self-conscious and body focused.  When they compare themselves to these “perfect” females, they inevitably fall short.  Their self esteem takes a profound hit. They experience extreme body dissatisfaction.  These girls can’t immediately grow taller or change their cheekbones, but they can lose weight.  They start dieting.  This is an eating disorder waiting to happen.

Parents and Eating Disorder Prevention

Although children are influenced everyday by many external factors, parents can play an important role in the prevention of eating disorders.  Throughout a child’s life, food should never be used as a reward or punishment.  Healthy, balanced eating should be modeled in the home.  Exercise should be done for fun and health, not weight loss.

Mothers need to recognize the profound impact their own behavior has on their daughters.  A mother who is always on a diet, obsessed with calories and fat grams, constantly weighing herself and focusing on clothing sizes, will encourage similar behaviors in her daughter.

Similarly, a father plays a vital role in the development of a daughter’s values and self esteem.  Although all parents are encouraged to avoid excessively complimenting or praising a child on her appearance, this is particularly critical where the father is concerned. While a girl is young, her primary male role model is her father.  It is important for her to see that her value to him is not predicated exclusively on how she looks, or she is at risk for taking this same belief system and applying it to all men in adulthood.

Parental focus should be placed on a daughter’s unique talents or achievement in areas such as academics or athletics.  Most important, every child should be highly reinforced for excellent qualities such as kindness, compassion or generosity.

Everyday girls experience peer pressure and are exposed to a host of negative media messages. That’s why it is so important to combat these issues through positive communication in the home.  Parents need to talk about what truly has value in the real world and what does not.  Value is found in the content of an individual’s heart and character, never the numbers on a scale. Further, when an eating disorder is indicated, early intervention by a specialized eating disorder treatment team is essential.

Due to the genetic component of eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia will probably always exist.   However, through a great deal of love, support and open communication, parents can  help their children develop a healthy relationship with food, combat the societal pressure  to be thin, as well as  maintain a strong self esteem and body image.

Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC is the Founder and Director of Eating Disorder Hope. Eating Disorder Hope is the one-stop eating disorder treatment, resource and information site. Eating Disorder Hope promotes ending eating disordered behavior, embracing life and pursuing recovery through implementing the best treatment available for the individual with anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder.

Debra M. Cooper, a graduate of Arizona State University, has worked as a professional writer for 25 years.  On staff at a prominent eating disorder treatment center for nine years, Debra is an expert in topics such as anorexia, bulimia and anxiety disorders.  She is the author of Behind The Broken Image, a novel that explores the impact of eating disorders on the individual and the family.

Copyright (C) 2011 Eating Disorder Hope. All rights reserved. URL: EatingDisorder Hope

I hope the information in this article has been helpful. If there is a child in your life who is living with an eating disorder, I invite you to learn about The Center’s approach to whole-person eating disorder treatment. Help and hope is here.

Paying Attention to the Emotional Abuse of Neglect

Monday, March 14th, 2011

Tomorrow EatingDisorderHope.com is giving away 10 copies of my book Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse. (To enter the drawing, click here.)  For a preview of what to expect, here’s an excerpt from chapter 6, “Emotional Abuse Through Neglect”….

None of us likes to be ignored, treated as if we simply aren’t important enough to notice. The person who has suffered this type of emotional abuse is saddled with the realization that his or her presence doesn’t even cause a ripple in the world of the abuser. What is so damaging is that usually the abuser is someone from whom the person desperately wants to receive love and attention.

Children know and understand that the things with which adults concern themselves are important. When parents are involved in the life of their child, they communicate to the child that he or she is important. When parents fail to become involved, they communicate to the child a sense of rejection.

The tragedy of emotional abuse through neglect is that it can take place in homes where physical needs are met, even extravagantly met. Children need more than food on the table and a roof over their heads. They are designed to need nurturing physical and emotional emotional relationships with their parents. When emotional needs are not met, children have difficulty progressing developmentally. It is as if they become “stuck” at a certain stage and progression is retarded. Emotionally neglected children are so hungry for emotional attachment that they may cling to strangers or other adults, displaying little natural caution around people they don’t know.

In my work with eating disorders, I found a tie between disordered eating and childhood emotional neglect. Food or control of food becomes a substitute relationship for the one missing; it becomes friend, comforter, lover. This is often tied to unusual comforting behaviors, such as head banging, biting, scratching, or cutting. So fundamental is an emotional bond for connection, comfort, and stability that neglected children turn to inappropriate, damaging behaviors as a way to substitute and cope.

Neglect may be found in the:

  • MIA parent who emotionally and physically abandons his or her responsibility as a parent
  • Distant caregiver who is physically present but emotionally distant and withdrawn from his or her children
  • Emotionally detached parent who provides for his or her children in every way except for emotional bonding and attachment

If neglect or abandonment has depleted your emotional life, it is possible to restore emotional strength. You do so by believing and internalizing the following truths:

I have value because God has given it to me.

Through the mistreatment of others, I have developed a faulty sense of self. I accept this truth and am learning more about who I really am and who I am meant to be every day.

My self-respect and innate dignity are a gift from God that can never be taken away.

I am learning to treat myself with dignity and respect, even if others have not done so in the past.

I am no longer a victim. Today I celebrate being a victor!

SOURCE: Chapter 6, “Emotional Abuse Through Neglect,” in Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc.

The Story of a Woman’s Anger

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

On February 15th EatingDisorderHope.com is giving away 10 copies of my book Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger. For a preview of what to expect, here’s a collection of blogs I ran a few months ago featuring case studies of four women whose stories are shared in the book:

Pamela Under Stress: A Busy Mother’s Siege Mentality

Pamela really felt under siege by the pressures of her life. Every task, every demand on her time — even those she agreed to — began to feel like an attack against her peace of mind, her emotional stability, her physical stamina…. Read more.

Paralyzed by Anger: Jenny’s Story

Jenny listened to the voice message from Colin with mixed emotions. Part of her wanted to smile at how sweet he sounded over the phone. The other part of her counseled to avoid being swayed by the sound of his voice. She had already made up her mind not to continue going out with him. Her reasons were very specific and justified. He wasn’t serious enough. He lacked motivation. He wasn’t sensitive enough to her needs. For each reason, she could relive a detailed example of that failing…. Read more.

Anger In Waiting: Connie’s Story

Connie glanced at the clock on the dresser, agitated by how late it was. Almost simultaneously she heard her husband call up to the bedroom from downstairs. Rob wanted to know when she’d be ready to leave, and it was obvious by his tone of voice he was irritated at her tardiness. He’d said to be ready at 5:30, and she still had six minutes left, according to the clock…. Read more.

Resolving Relationships: Katie’s Story, Part I

Katie came to work with me originally because of depression and an eating disorder. Her mother was concerned because, at twenty-three, Katie was obese. She had a good job but was plagued by high absenteeism that threatened her employment. When she was at work, she was meticulous and thorough. But there were just too many days when she couldn’t seem to make it in. Her weight never seemed to go down. It would plateau for a time, but then Katie would have a “down time” and up it would creep…. Read more.

Resolving Relationships: Katie’s Story, Part II

Katie hadn’t worried about it much while still in school because the sheer busyness and activity level of college kept a lid on her weight. As soon as Katie graduated and got a job, however, things started to unravel. Even though she wanted to lose weight, she couldn’t seem to. The heavier she got, she worse she felt. The more out of control her life and her eating became, the angrier she got. The angrier she got, the more despair she felt. The more despair she felt, the deeper her depression. The more depressed she became, the harder it was to go to work and the easier it was to eat…. Read more.

Click here for details on how to enter the book giveaway.

EatingDisorderHope.com Sponsors Monthly Book Giveaways in 2011

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

Every month this year through November, EatingDisorderHope.com is featuring one of my books in its library of resources for eating disorder treatment, discovery and related issues. Each featured book comes with a book giveaway, the next one scheduled for February 15 – Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger

I’d like to thank Eating Disorder Hope for sharing my books, and I’d like to encourage you to check out their website for a whole host of information and inspiration intended to support its mission: “To offer hope, information and resources to individual eating disorder sufferers, their family members and treatment providers.”

Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger helps women face their anger issues, move beyond them, and live the life they were meant to live.

So if you (or someone you know) want to…

  • accept the truth of your anger
  • examine where it comes from
  • be honest about how you use it
  • be open to change
  • be willing to forgive, even yourself
  • be willing to feel something else besides their anger

click here for details on how to enter the book giveaway today.

Our Need for Comfort: Jennifer’s Story

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010
We live in a harsh world with deceit lies, and falsehoods — a world where one of our deepest needs is to be comforted but that comfort is often in vain. Any comfort received from false sources is fleeting at best, requiring us to continue in fruitless comfort-seeking behavior.
  
JENNIFER’S STORY
Jennifer needed comfort every day. When she prayed “Give us this day our daily bread,” she meant it for comfort not for food. Bread — in all its carbohydrate forms — was Jennifer’s comforter. She liked just about anything baked, but there was something sublime about fresh, hot, yeasty bread with its crusty, crunchy outside and soft, warm middle. And when it was slathered with sweet and salty butter…well, there just wasn’t anything more comforting to Jennifer. Often she would go to the market near her house specifically to buy a fresh loaf of French b read, knowing just what time the hot loaves would be set out on the racks by the checkout stand. Before she got the bread home, along with the other groceries she bought as cover, she would eat over half the loaf tearing off large pieces gulping them down in the front seat like someone winded gulps for air.
Life made Jennifer feel winded — physically, emotionally, and spiritulaly. Food — bread in particular — helped to ease that discomfort and give Jennifer a sense of relief. Lost within that moment of fulfillment, Jennifer felt a golden sense of being satisfied, something she rarely felt during her life-as-usual.

The only problem for Jennifer was that the fulfillment never lasted very long. By the time she got the bread home and put away the rest of the groceries, it was already starting to cool off, and the kids wanted in on the action. Before she knew it, the loaf was gone along wiht that transcendent moment of relief. Instead, it was replaced by anxiety over her weight and how much she’d eaten. Everything about the bread, it seemed, always went from warm to cold.

COMFORT FOOD
 
Food is a comfort commodity. From our earliest moments of life outside the womb, one of our first feelings of distress and discomfort comes from hunger. And one of our first feelings of being comforted comes from being fed. There were panic and agitation; there were relief and calming. Growing up, you may have lived in a household where food was given as a universal pacifier. When you were hungry, you were fed. When you were upset you were fed. When you were bored you were fed. When you were good, you were fed. When there was a reason for celebration, you were fed.
Or you could have grown up in a home where real connection was tenuus and comfort a do-it-yourself proposition. In the absence of affectionate feelings or expressed love, you learned that the comfort found in food was ultimately more reliable and always more controllable. You learned to grab comfort where you could because at your house it was in chronically short supply.

Often, because of denials and rationalizations, it can be difficult to reach an understanding of how much a role food plays in comfort seeking. People tend to downplay the need for their food of choice; they downplay the amount they actually consume of it; they downplay the importance it has appropriated in their lives. They downplay all of these things until they are asked to withhold that food of choice. When this happens, they quickly realize it has become their go-to source of comfort.

When speaking of comfort, food is the first thing that comes to my mind because of the amount of eating disorders I work with, but I have seen many other activities join the go-to-for-comfort club. I have seen that loaf of French bread replaced by a double-tall caramel macchiato. I have seen that double-tall caramel macchiato replaced by a video game controller. I have seen that game controller replaced by a credit card. I have seen that credit card replaced by the satisfaction of a verbal outburst or a sarcastic put-down.

The ways people choose to provide themselves with comfort is virtually endless. When you factor in each person’s unique situation and capacity for creativity, the permutations go off the chart.

Source: Chapter 3, “Our Need for Comfort” in
Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc.
 
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The Excessity of Food

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

A good deal of my work over the years has focused on eating disorders and what I’ve come to call “disordered eating.” I’ve seen food become a “never enough” activity through an astonishing prism of personal angles. I’ve seen those of concentration-camp thinness who are so afraid of being fat that they feel they can never become thin enough. I’ve seen morbidly obese people so emotionally tied to the food they consume that they eat and eat but never feel full. I’ve seen people who use food as a pleasure-punishment cycle in an all-encompassing ritual of binge, purge, and binge again until their teeth rot and their stomachs develop a nasty habit of involuntary vomiting.

Granted, these are extremes, but I’ve also seen people who felt that virtually no food or drink was “safe” and that therefore any consumption was a fearful event. They might allow themselves to eat from a very small list of foods, but it is never done easily or without fear and remorse.

I have regularly seen people who took food out of the box of nutrition and sprinkled it on all sort of other things — loneliness, boredom, security, anxiety, and fear. I’ve seen people with as intricate and involved a relationship with food as the most ardent of lovers.

What all of these people have in common is a specific perception of food and eating — one that is not based in reality. For them, food is not consumed to fill a nutritional need; rather, it is used to fill an emotional desire.

The human body needs a quantifiable amount of nutrients and energy to function at an optimum level. Vitamins, minerals, amino acids, fats, carbohydrates, proteins, and fiber all play their part. If food is appropriately consumed from a nutritional standpoint, it is possible to eat and be filled.

When the hunger being fed is physical hunger, it is possible to have enough. Not so with emotional hunger, which is notoriously difficult to identify, let alone fill.

Unlike the stomach that signals fullness, emotional hunger can be a ravenous taskmaster. Because food is used as a surroagate to the real need, its effects are transitory at best. It is important to remember there are two ways that food can be used to fulfill emotinal desires — food that is eaten and food that is restricted. Some people receive an emotional hit when food is eaten, and other people receive that same sense of satisfaction when food is denied.

All that being said, food is relatively convenient; it is there when other things are not and therefore especially susceptible to the Gotta Have It! impulse. It reminds me of the words to that old song by Stephen Stills: “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”

For too many people with unmet needs, they are resigned to food as they one they’re with.

The preoccupation with food — what to eat, when to eat, where to eat, with whom to eat, how much to eat, how much to restrict, how much to indulge, how much to regret — sends up such a cloud of distraction that other pressing needs are simply pushed out of the way. Those pressing needs are often ones people do not wish to acknowledge because of the pain they produce. Distraction becomes a necessity, and food as a vehicle for that distraciotn is taken to excess.

In this way, food becomes an excessity.

SOURCE: Chapter 2, “Examine Your Excess,” in Gotta Have It! by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Loving Yourself from the Inside Out: Karen’s Story

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

With the following excerpt from my book, Hope, Help and Healing for Eating Disorders: A Whole-Person Approach to Anorexia, Bulimia and Overeating, I share the story of a woman who struggled with an eating disorder for years. It is my hope that, in support of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, Karen’s story will inspire you to love yourself from the inside out. Though protecting the health of your body is critical, so is protecting the health of your spirit.

After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church,” the pastor said, quoting Ephesians 5:29.

At this point in the sermon, Karen stopped listening. The lesson continued, but she traveled off into a swirling eddy of memories and thought triggered by that passage.

After all, no one ever hated his own body …

Not hating your body was stated as a simple aside, as if the concept itself were a given. But it wasn’t a given to Karen. Even now, she fought to remember that God expected her to love her body.

Her body. She was expected to love her body. This verse wasn’t talking about her mind or her soul or her intellect. It specifically said “body” — her flesh, her bones, her hair and teeth. Her legs and arms. Even her breasts, her hips, her thighs.

KAREN’S STORY

There was a time in her life when the thought of loving her body had been as foreign to her as grace. For years, Karen hated her body with an active, punishing hate accompanied by action. She hated how she looked. She hated who she was. She hated who others wanted her to be. That hatred fueled the need to deprive her body of any sort of compassion.

After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it …

For several years, Karen had chosen not to feed or care for her body. Instead, she starved it into submission. With an iron will she resisted its attempts at self-preservation. The more she hungered, the less she ate. When she subjugated hunger, she took on thirst. Every bite, every sip, was done with elaborate calculation and extreme prejudice. She resented her body and its needs. It felt unclean to her. Starvation was pristine — no consumption, no elimination.

In Karen’s mid-twenties, her anorexia turned into bulimia. No longer able to beat her hunger and thirst into submission, she indulged it beyond measure. Oh, Karen fed her body — but only for a little while. Until she purged and felt clean again.

All through this time, Karen had loved God. But often she also feared him and felt distant from him. Yet she clung to the promise of his love, even as she struggled with loving herself. Slowly she was awakening to the thought of actually caring for herself, instead of only caring about herself.

Karen was striving to know God and to trust his expectations.

A CHANGE IN FOCUS

Up to this point, your eating disorder has centered your focus on your outside appearance. You have focused on your desire to be thin. As such, your life has revolved around diets and weight. But inside is where you really live. The body is just a shell — a perishable one, at that — which God full intends to replace.

It is your inside, your spirit, that lasts forever. And this obsession with controlling the body is imprisoning your spirit.

The terrible irony of an eating disorder is that damage being done to the inside, in the name of the outside, will eventually migrate to the outside. Healing comes when you decide to refocus your efforts from diets and weight (the outside) to nutrition and support for your body (the inside). You need to mentally go from food as friend, or food as fat, to food as nutrition. It can be extremely difficult to make this mental jump on your own. You may need to start with a spiritual refocusing.

Self-hate argues against the truth of God’s love for you and the great value you have. It blinds you to an awareness of the beauty of God’s creation that lies uniquely in you. The negative inner message of self-hate deafens your ability to hear God’s voice singing over you as a precious, valued human being. You can decide to stop listening to your self-hate and decide to hear the truth of God’s love for you.