Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

Overcoming: Unforgiveness

Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

The number one thing I see people bring into the new year year  – and it’s usually not on any resolution list – is the whole thing of unforgiveness, of others or maybe even of yourself.

One in four adults are diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And I think we’re onto something when we see people come in and they’re depressed and they’re anxious and don’t know the real source of it. It’s buried in their history, and the roots of bitterness have taken a strong hold. And they don’t realize it’s this area of unforgiveness that needs attention. Well, its time to talk about setting yourself free.

There are three things that can destroy us: 1) anger and hurt (untreated), 2) pride – and pride takes many different forms, 3) and unforgivness. That’s coming from me, a counselor who has been working with people for 27 years.

Through forgiveness, I’ve seen lives change and people have been set free.

I think of a gal who, for 40 years, suffered with an eating disorder. She was in and out of treatment facilities, struggling with anorexia one month, bulimia the next. And after four decades of living this way it was at The Center where she had a revelation.

She said her father told her, since she was a little girl, that she was never going to amount to much. That she was a chubby little baby and would always live that way. She identified that root, that seed, that poison in her life, and by understanding that root – and coming from a place of forgiveness of a father who is long deceased – she was able to let that go.

Are you struggling with forgiveness, of yourself or others? If so, please share your story and/or question in the comments section of this post.

The above is an edited transcript of Dr. Gregory Jantz’s podcast on Unforgiveness (1-13-12), as heard on his Monday radio show, Overcoming. It airs every Monday at 1pm (PT) on www.kcisradio.com. Click here to subscribe.

Just a String of Bad Days or Depression?

Saturday, January 7th, 2012

How do you know when you’re depressed? How do you know if what you’re feeling is the normal consequence of your current circumstances in life? How do you know if it’s more than just having a string of lousy days?

Depression isn’t like a sprained ankle. With a sprained ankle, you are very much aware the moment it happens. People see you limping and ask you what’s wrong, and you think, “Isn’t it obvious? I sprained my ankle.”

It would be nice if depression were like a sprained ankle. Fixing a sprained ankle is pretty straightforward – bind it up to support it, and stay off it until it heals. But what do you do with depression when it’s hard for you to pinpoint where it really hurts and your life isn’t really something you can “stay off” of until you feel better.

Most people who experience symptoms of depression but keep powering on anyway get used to the feeling of walking around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. I means, it’s not the end of the world. The sun still comes up every morning, and so do they, in a manner of speaking. They’re still walking around, functioning at some level, even though walking feels like its through really thick sand that clings to their feet and makes each step an effort. They get used to thinking “This is just the way life is.” They stopped looking for happiness a long time ago. They’re just trying to make it through the detour of depression, who cares about the destination?

Here are the signs and symptoms of depression as outlined by the National Institutes of Mental Health:

- persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
- feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
- feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
- loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
- decreased energy, fatigue, being “slowed down”
- difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
- appetite and/or weight changes
- thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
- restlessness, irritability
- persistent physical symptoms

If you believe you are suffering from depression, take our depression survey, and know there is hope. I know because I’ve been through the valley myself.

This might be the greatest challenge of your life, but it is one that will renew your strength so that you will be able to “soar on wings like eagles…run and not grow weary…walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:31).

The above is a compilation of excerpts from Dr. Gregory Jantz’s Moving Beyond Depression: A Whole-Person Approach, Happy for the Rest of Your Life, and Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace.

Watch for Signs of Depression in Your Teen

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

Teens can get depressed without being depressed. But even getting depressed is a challenge in their lives where you can offer guidance and support. Do any or all of the following conditions describe your teen?

  • Negative feelings or behaviors lasting more than two weeks
  • Loss of enjoyment in established activities
  • Restlessness, fatigue, or a lack or motivation in school
  • Marked increase in irritability or impatience
  • Feelings of being weighed down
  • Loss of physical and emotional energy
  • Marked changes in appetite or weight, lapse in personal hygiene
  • Social isolation from family or friends
  • Taking up with a new set of friends
  • impulsive thinking or rash judgments
  • Inability to make decisions, concentrate, or focus
  • Marked increase in frustration or anger
  • Feelings of sadness and worthlessness
  • Expressing feelings of stress and inability to cope
  • Ongoing complaints of headaches, stomachaches, bodyaches
  • Marked change in sleep patterns
  • Avoidance of added privileges

Think also about the pattern to each behavior.

Have you noticed an increase or a decrease in the severity or frequency? Also, do several of these conditions tend to run together? Do you notice an increase in feelings of sadness or worthlessness when there is more social isolation? Are there fewer complaints of bodyaches when there is a more normal sleep pattern? Be aware of these conditions individually, but also consider how some of them may be linked together with your teen.

Now, I’d like you to think about the top concerns you have. What worries you the most? Why is that? Is it something you can relate to from your own adolescence? Can you determine what seems to distress your teen the most out of any on the list? What you determine to address first may not be what your teen would identify. As much as possible, follow your teen’s lead on what is the most problematic.

You should not make it a goal to “fix” your child or take over whatever difficulty he or she is going through. One of the main benefits of adolescence is learning how to being to handle adult-sized life challenges while still supported by caring adults. If you remove all of their obstacles, they will fail to develop their adult-needed muscles and will constantly be looking backward, as a child, to you to save them. Instead of looking backward, their eyes should be firmly forward, toward their future as adults.

The above is excerpted from Chapter 7 of my new book, The Stranger in Your House.

How To Reduce Anxiety Through Objective Thought

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

What if your thoughts aren’t correct? What if they aren’t really even the truth? Thoughts are not events. They are not objective; they are subjective.

OBJECTIVE VS. SUBJECTIVE THOUGHT

In the world of anxiety, there is a vast difference between the objective and the subjective.

Objective means something most people would agree upon. The dictionary definition of objective is “in the realm of sensible experience independent of individual thought and perceptible by all observers: having reality independent of the mind.” Objective things have a reality independent of the mind because the mind can, sometimes, really mess things up.

Subjective is the opposite of objective. The word subjective means “characteristic of or belonging to reality as perceived rather than as independent mind.”

So there is a reality to what happens that is independent of what you think about it. For many people, this is a foreign concept. Truth, to them, consists of their impressions, thoughts, opinions, biases, feelings, and assumptions.  I think, therefore it is. Subjective thoughts are perfectly suited to feed the monster. The thoughts are yours; the monster is yours. The subjective thoughts you feed your monster are tailor-made to strengthen it.

This is not easy for some people to accept. Their subjective perceptions are so strong that they drown out objective reality. These people live within a world of delusion where what they think will happen will, even if all evidence points to the contrary. It is a world where the subjective crowds out the objective. It is a world of monsters and terrors and things that go bump in the night.

Now, granted, not everyone with anxiety goes to this extreme. There are some people who actually believe false things are true; we call them delusional and obsessive thinkers. There are other people who merely fear that false things are true; we call them anxious, worried, concerned, overwrought, and stressed.

When anxiety and panic set in, it’s helpful to stop and intentionally calculate the odds of what you fear. Fear lends certainty to even the most far-fetched possibility. How many people die every year of snake or spider bites? The number is astronomically small, yet people live daily with a fear of both. Of the many people who fly every year, how many actually die in plane crashes? Again, the number is extremely small, yet a fear of flying affects a large number of people.

In the midst of feeling anxious, it can be difficult to think objectively, but it is extremely important.

HOW TO BE OBJECTIVE ABOUT YOUR FEARS

If you’re fearful of flying or snakes or spiders, you can always look up the statistical odds of injury or death. Depending on what you fear, however, there may not be any statistics. I

If you’re worried about something like losing your job, you’re going to need to think back over the course of your own life to find the data. For example, how many jobs have you had and how many jobs have you lost? If you have lost jobs in the past, are conditions now the same as they were then?

If you’re worried about something like being humiliated in public, consider how many times you’ve been in a public situation versus how many times you’ve actually been humiliated.

Fear establishes a toehold in your mind, then infiltrates your thoughts, establishing a stronghold in your mind, leading to a stranglehold over your life.

ASKING FOR HELP

Depending on your level of anxiety, you may not be able to work through these calculations on your own. You may need to discuss these issues with a professional counselor, someone trained to walk you through the process and help you separate objective knowledge from your subjective perceptions. If that’s the case, don’t feel bad about it. All of us have issues we have difficulty seeing in our lives because we’re so close to them. It’s why talking things over with trusted family members or friends is invaluable.

The important thing, if you aren’t able to work through this on your own, is to ask for help.

Anxieties breed in secret. Hidden fears intensify. Place your fears outside yourself and you’ll be amazed at how quickly they are reduced to actual size.

Share some of your thoughts and/or experience on anxiety and receive a FREE copy of my new book, Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace (from which the information above is excerpted). Comment here, or via the Twitter and Facebook pages linked to below.

Feeling depressed? It could be fueled by anxiety, or vice versa. To consider this, check out our Depression and Anxiety Questionnaire.

Understanding the Link Between Anxiety and Depression

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

I have seen firsthand the link between anxiety and depression. The possibility for the chronically anxious person to become depressed is real, and the reasons can be compelling.

The anxious state is like living on red alert. The mind and the body are in a heightened condition all the time. However, unlike the temporary thrill of a roller coaster, this ride never ends. Any relatively stable stretch only provides time to ramp up for the next neck-bending climb and heart-pounding fall. The cycle keeps repeating itself over and over.

For some people, there comes a point when it all becomes too much; they just want to shut down. But if you can’t get off and the ride never ends, the only alternative is to stop reacting to the ride. Unfortunately, the ride is their life. By checking out of the anxiety, they are checking out of life. Depression becomes a way to numb themselves, to check out, to experience relief from the chaos.

How Anxiety Leads to Depression

When the body and the mind are overstressed and taxed to the maximum by circumstances, such as ongoing anxiety, depression is a very real possibility. This is not a conditional crisis brought on by a single event or situation but a chronic crisis state brought on by the ongoing demands of anxiety.

In some people, when their coping and caring mechanisms are depleted, they shut down into depression. Depression begins as a coping mechanism for anxiety but becomes intertwined with and strengthened by the anxiety. Both are fueled by feelings of helplessness to overcome and hopelessness of things ever getting better.

One woman I worked with put it this way:

“When I first started feeling depressed, frankly, I was relieved. I just reached a point where, if all I could feel was panic, I would rather not feel anything at all.”

At first, she welcomed the shroud of depression as an acceptable antidote to the hyperstate of her panic. The weight of her depression, however, was not enough to tamp down her feelings of panic and anxiety indefinitely. Those stabs of sheer terror and worry began to find cracks in her numbed facade, only now she felt less able to handle them, struggling as she was with her depression as well.

Even in the panic, she’d been able to experience brief moments of enjoyment and pleasure. With the depression, those were gone. It didn’t take long for the anxiety and panic attacks to become even more pronounced, as her resiliency faded with the depression. Despair was now a constant companion, compounded by the failure of various medications.

“If my family hadn’t intervened and demanded I get help, I could have so easily decided to end things altogether.”

How Depression Leads to Anxiety

I have also seen the reverse, where depression occurs first, followed by anxiety in the form of panic attacks.

It’s as if depression has leached out all hope, joy, and optimism from a person’s life. Denuded of these life-affirming characteristics, the person becomes vulnerable to an anxiety attack. When the assault takes place, the person has no emotional stability to assist in placing the experience in proper perspective.

A single, transitory fear, worry, or concern blossoms into a full-blown panic attack. Once that possibility, that potential, is activated, a new paradigm is created. Panic-once means panic-possible, forever. This kind of helpless feeling is in perfect harmony with the bleak outlook of depression.

Whether anxiety or depression occurs first, when combined, both will tell you things can never get any better, that you are helpless to effect positive change. They can appear like twin juggernauts, barreling down and flattening your life and your ability to experience relief. When these two are joined together, they create an even higher threshold for recovery.

Are you living with depression fueled by anxiety, or vice-versa? Share some of your thoughts and/or experience and receive a FREE copy of my new book, Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace (from which the information above is excerpted). Comment here, or via the Twitter and Facebook pages linked to below.

May is Mental Health Month [RESOURCES]

Friday, May 13th, 2011

One in 4 adults in the U.S. have been diagnosed with a mental health condition. Note the emphasis on “diagnosed.” If we take into account every man and woman who is suffering in silence, alone, Americans living with mental health conditions is far greater than 25 percent. Unfortunately, the stigma still attached to mental illness discourages people from seeking help. It’s for this reason this month is so important.

May is Mental Health Month, sponsored by Mental Health America, the country’s leading non-profit dedicated to helping people lead mentally healthier lives.

If you would like to help raise awareness about mental health, support one or both of this year’s campaigns:

  1. Do More for 1 in 4, a call to action to help the 1 in 4 American adults who live with a diagnosable, treatable mental health condition and the fact that they can go on to live full and productive lives.
  2. Live Well: It’s Essential for Your Potential, focusing on 10 science-based tools for managing stress and helping you relax, grow and flourish.

For details on how you can help – including suggested posts for Twitter and Facebook – check out the official website of Mental Health America.

And if you or someone you know is living with a mental health condition, refer to the following resources on:

I’ve also written a number of books on mental health issues, all of which you can browse and buy in the Hope Store.

Following Your Faith on the Road Less Traveled

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

In this world of difficulty and doubt, of struggles and hardships, of compromises and second choices, of injustice and affliction, each person comes to a crossroads in life.

There are two roads with signposts on each that say, “Way to Happiness.”

On the one hand is the road championed by the world, which promises much and delivers little. This road is taken by a vast array of people who are tricked into believing the billboards along the way. Those inducements, even your own internal dialogue, for taking this road can be compelling because of all of their glitzy promises. Instead of happiness, though, this road can lead to depression, anxiety and addiction.

There is another choice, another road. However, this road can appear less attractive when compared with the first. Because of this, it is a road less traveled. This is the road of faith, which uses a cross for a talisman. It does not say, “Take this road to avoid your pain.” The one road promises you’ll be in control. The other says you must give it up. The one appears all about pleasure. The other appears all about sacrifice. In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to make the right choice.

American poet Robert Frost, in one of his most popular works, “The Road Not Taken,” illustrates the importance of the choices made in life in the last stanza of the poem:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

In other words, you’ve come to a fork in the road — two paths promising to lead you to your desired destination. However, the one you choose may not be the most popular, but it may lead you to true happiness.

I guess what I want to leave you with is an exhortation to take the road less traveled because it will make all the difference. The world’s road eventually leads to a literal dead end. God’s road leads to eternity. Because it can be so difficult to choose the road less traveled, here are just a few things to remember as you stand at the crossroads each day:

- Happiness is a response to life that comes from the inside of a person, not from outside circumstances.

-Happines is a gift from God, based upon His goodness and mercy apart from circumstances.

- Depression isn’t something you live with; it’s something you get help for.

- Worry and anxiety are a learned response to life that can be acknowledged, understood, and overcome.

- Addictions both mask and amplify pain; they never heal it.

- What you tell yourself becomes who you are, so be careful what you say.

- Relationships are meant to support you, not drag you down.

- Taking care of your body helps you take care of your heart, soul, and mind — all are used to love God.

- Stop trying to control your own life, and start trusting in God to get you where you need to go.

- An attitude of optimism is a choice.

- Hope is a response based on an expected future, not a reaction to an experienced present.

- Joy is the spark that uses the tinder of optimism to ignite the fuel of hope.

- Even if happiness isn’t a path you’ve taken before or it seems artificial or unamiliar, go down the path anyway, taking baby steps.

- Each day presents you with a new opportunity to be happy.

- Each failure today points the way to success tomorrow.

- Sometimes the clearest lesson you receive today is confirmation of where you don’t want to go tomorrow.

- Don’t let anything get in the way of getting the help you need. Ask…expect…act.

- Don’t wait on others to hand you happiness; take hold of it yourself.

As you embrace this new way of thinking, living, and responding, may you, in the words of Paul, come “to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:18-19). May this overpower the strongholds of depression, anxiety, and addictions in your life. May this be a fountain of unending happiness. the reason for your optimism, the source of your hope, and the reservoir of your joy.

SOURCE: Afterword, “The Road Less Traveled,” in Happy for the Rest of Your Life by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc.

Moving Beyond Depression [BOOK EXCERPTS]

Monday, May 24th, 2010

“What is wrong with me? Beth wondered. The worry, never far from the surface of her thoughts, intruded again. But still, Beth had no answer. She felt run down, listles, and unable to generate energy or enthusiasm about anything. She made sure her kids were taken care of and pantomimed her way through a declining number of social functions, but she couldn’t remember the last time she could honestly say she felt good….”

So begins my book, Moving Beyond Depression: A Whole-Personal Approach to Healing. And based on statistics from the World Health Organization that show an alarming rise in depression, the importance of sharing an effective treatment that has proven success is critical. In fact, by 2020 it is projected that, second only to heart disease, depression will be the leading cause of debilitating illness.

If you suspect that you are depressed, take this depression survey. Though no replacement for a formal diagnosis, it can help you recognize the signs so you can reach out for the help you need. Beyond that I do recommend my book, excerpts of which I have linked to for you below.

14 Book Excerpts from Moving Beyond Depression

Moving Beyond Depression: A Whole-Person Approach

Drowning in Anger, Fear and Guilt: Beth’s Journey Through Depression

Coming Out of the Darkness: Treating Depression — Body, Mind and Spirit

Positive Self-Talk: An Exercise in Emotional Health

Are Everyday Activities Filling or Draining You? A Journaling Activity

Are You Doing Too Much, Or Too Little? How Activity Level Causes Depression

Learned Invisibility: Are You In Hiding?

How to Identify Family Patterns of Emotional Abuse

Rebuilding Relationships: Boundaries

Antidepressants to the Rescue? Angela’s Story

Depression: What Your Body Can Tell You

Replenishing the Body: Rachel’s Story

Renewing Your Spiritual Connections

Why Nobody Wins the Blame Game

The Center for Counseling and Health Resources is a treatment center that follows a model of whole-person care, addressing the physical, psychological, emotional, nutritional, fitness and spiritual aspects of each person seeking help through one of our treatment programs, including treatment for depression.

If you would like more information about our depression treatment program, please request a free consultation today.

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Why Nobody Wins the Blame Game

Monday, May 17th, 2010

Blame stops growth and traps you from going further.

Blame doesn’t want to move forward; it wants to dwell on the anger and pain.

You may blame yourself for decisions and actions you’ve made that contributed to a state of depression. You may be so hard on yourself for past mistakes that your depression sometimes feels like relief, you are finally getting what you deserve. Self-blame produces guilt and shame, and these may seem like fair compensation for what you’ve done wrong in your life.

You may blame others for the way their decisions or actions have hurt you and contributed to your depression. You may blame others for simply not doing enough to help you or for being too wrapped up in their own problems to know you were hurting. Circumstances, instead of people, can also be a focus of your blame. You feel the odds are against you or the breaks don’t fall your way:

“The cards are stacked against you,” or “Life just isn’t on your side.”

These are all rationales used to blame impersonal situations for personal problems.

It can appear that forgiving people who have hurt you leaves you open to more pain. Forgiving is an action of control. By forgiving that person, you acknowledge their hurtful action and put them on notice that you are now in control of the relationship. With that control, it is up to you to decide the parameters you feel safe operating within. You can forgive that person of something in the past without granting them permission to hurt you in the future.

Forgiving others has another helpful benefit — as you learn to forigve others, it becomes easier to forgive yourself. But how do you know if you’ve actually achieved forgiveness? You can think you have forgiven someone, only to realize you still feel the pain of their offense when you are with them. You haven’t enjoyed the freedom of true forgivness if the anger, hurt, and resentment are still there.

Seek to accomplish the following five goals as you work toward forgiveness:

1) I will not get even or do harm.

2) I have personal peace.

3) I will not engage in self-destructive behaviors because of this person or event.

4) I am able to put what has happened to me into the context of my present life.

5) I am able to accept myself and others.

On the road to recovery, blame is a dead end masquerading as a short-cut. Forgiveness, on the other hand, can appear to be a much longer, more difficult road to take. Forgiveness feels like a loss of personal control. But when you blame another person, or circumstances, you turn power over to that person or circumstance. Forgiveness returns power to you, because it puts you in charge. Forgiveness allows you to respond and not merely react.

Blame is reactive, but forgiveness is responsive.

SOURCE: Chapter 9, “Renewing Your Spiritual Connections,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Renewing Your Spiritual Connections

Monday, May 10th, 2010

Sunday morning. Great. Time to go to church, and I’m fresh out of excuses.

I used “not feeling well” last week and “out of town” three weeks ago. If I don’t show up today, it’ll be two Sundays in a row, and someone will probably call or want to come over. But if I don’t want to go to church on Sunday, I certainly don’t want to talk about why to someone from the visitation committee during the week. So I’ll just go — a little late and leave as soon as it’s done. I won’t show up on any list that way.

Okay, so I’m going, but I’m not dressing up. They should be happy I’m there at all.

Happy. Yeah, they’ll be happy. We’ll sing about joy, and they’ll smile and laugh. If I keep a frown on my own face and pretend I’m rummaging through my purse, I can probably get out of there without anyone coming up to me after services. Happy people don’t know what to do with a frown.

It’s not that I’m mad at them. It’s not their fault I feel this way. It’s just so hard to sit or stand in the pew and sing about joy when I don’t have any myself.

I can’t remember the last time I felt joy. I thought when I became a Christian, I was supposed to become joyful, as though God was going to wave a magic wand over me, causing all doubt and fear and loneliness and unhappiness to go away.

Well, if he did, it didn’t work. I’m still unhappy, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone.

What’s the deal? Where is God in all this?

FINDING THE CONNECTION

God-talk will support your positive self-talk by agreeing with affirming statements, such as:

  • I deserve love.
  • I deserve joy.
  • I am strong enough to learn and grow each day.
  • I can experience contentment in my life.
  • I am able to respond to my circumstances instead of react.
  • I can look forward to tomorrow.

To each of these, God adds his response:

I deserve love: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

I deserve joy: “Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away” (Isaiah 51:11).

I am strong enough to learn and grow each day: “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” (2 Samuel 22:33).

I can experience contentment in my life: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12).

I am able to respond to my circumstances instead of react: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

I can look forward to tomorrow: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).

SOURCE: Chapter 9, “Renewing Your Spiritual Connections,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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