Posts Tagged ‘Bible’

Unraveling Needs and Wants, Desert Island Style

Monday, April 4th, 2011

On April 15, EatingDisorderHope.com is giving away 10 copies of my book Gotta Have It! Freedom from Wanting Everything Right Here, Right Now. (To enter the drawing, click here.)  For a preview of what to expect, here’s an excerpt from Chapter 1….

Picture yourself stranded on a desert island, in the middle of nowhere, with very few resources. What three things do you need in order to survive? If I were to answer this question myself, I’d say water, food, and shelter are my primary needs. Actually, these are pretty much what Jesus mentioned in the Matthew 6 passage. He put it as what to eat, what to drink, and what to wear? (Clothing is a form of shelter, so I’m going to accept the similarity.)

Those are pretty basic. In fact, outside of this prosperous nation of ours, a good deal of the human population spends a large portion of its time and energy searching after these basic needs. Go too long without water and you die of thirst. Go too long without food and you die of hunger. Go too long without shelter and you die of exposure. Needs can be determined by how essential they are to sustaining life.

Ah, there’s the dilemma, isn’t it? When we consider what is essential to life, we aren’t always talking about physical life, are we? We have an emotional, relational, and spiritual life to go with this physical one. So go back and relabel your needs list as “My Physical Needs.”

Now, I want you to come up with at least three different needs under each of the other categories:

  • Emotional needs
  • Relational needs
  • Spiritual needs

Under emotional needs you might have such things as optimism, hope, joy. Relational needs might include things like acceptance, affirmation, forgiveness. And for spiritual needs, perhaps you listed things like faith, trust, praise.

I share these with you not to say that these are definitive answers, but to give you an idea of the types of things you could choose. Again, I find that many people have never done this type of inventory, let alone put intentional thought into dealing with these types of questions.

Going back to our desert island exercise, we’ve already established what our physical needs are, but as Jesus said in Luke 4:4, referencing Deuteronomy 8:3, “Man does not live on bread alone.” So, let’s say you’ve got your physical needs taken care of. You’ve got food to eat, water to drink, and shelter from the elements.

What other three things would you personally want (or desire) to survive on that island?

After thinking about it myself, here’s what I’d want: a Bible, a purpose, and a chance to escape. Even though we’ve categorized these as wants (or desires), they’re still pretty important. I doubt any of you would seriously put lattes and ice cream on this list. When reduced to choice of these kinds, those behaviors are pretty easy to label.

Short of being stranded on a desert island or experiencing a Job-type catastrophe, it can be difficult to stop long enough to make sense of our busy lives. That’s what this book is designed to help you do.

In Money We Trust? What the Bible Says About Wealth

Saturday, August 28th, 2010

“In God We Trust” has been engraved on our coins since 1864. Somewhere in the intervening years, however, it seems we’ve shifted from trust in God to trust in the coin itself. This isn’t a recent phenomenon; it’s been happening for a long time.

King Solomon, in his book of wisdom known as Proverbs, puts it this way:

“The wealth of the rich is their fortified city; they imagine it an unscalable wall” (Prov. 18:11).

There are many people today for whom wealth is their unscalable wall. They truly believe if they acquire enough of it, build up a high enough wall of it, the cares and concerns of the world will not be able to climb over. The problem, of course, lies in the fact that cares and concerns have very creative ways of mounting siege ramps against the walls of wealth and breach even the highest parapets. Insecurities also find ways to tunnel under the strongest edifices.

Money, quite simply, is not a secure thing to put your trust in. Again, from Proverbs:

“Do not wear yourself out to get riches, and have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle” (23:4-5).

Money is a fluid, dynamic entity, and its worth is based upon factors out of the control of most people. A person’s wealth can be made and lost within a single year.

How many people have won millions of dollars on a lottery one year, only to wind up losing it all within a short span of time? How many people put their trust in the wealth they committed to Bernie Madoff, only to lose every cent in his billion-dollar Ponzi scheme? Money is not an appropriate place to look for security.

Money can be made and even more money made … and still not enough. This is especially true if money and acquiring money have become an excessity.

Revisit the Solomon quote in Ecclesiastes:

“Whoever loves money, never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless” (Eccl. 5:10).

Solomon was the wealthiest person of his day, above all the other kings on earth. He was incredibly wealthy and incredibly wise. He knew that wealth and acquiring wealth can become a black-hole, Gotta Have It! excessity. Perceiving money as security can create an obsession with money and the things money can buy. And because money can, quite frankly, buy a great deal, there is a tendency to assign it more power than it’s due; there is a tendency to trust it more than is wise.

Money is not permanent because it can be lost in a blink of an eye (or in the crash of the stock market, or in the devaluation of currency, or through theft or malfeasance or cooked books). It is not permanent in the here and now, and it’s absolutely irrelevant in the hereafter. Money can get you some tract when you’re alive, but it is useless to you when you’re dead:

“Do not be overawed when a man grows rich, when the splendor of his house increases; for he will take nothing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him” (Ps. 49:16-17).

In cruder, present-day language: The hearse doesn’t come with a trailer.

Money promises to provide security, but it often creates the opposite:

“A man’s riches may ransom his life, but a poor man hears no threat” (Prov. 13:8).

The more stock you set in the things you have, including money and things money can buy, the greater the threat of losing it all. Those who have much have much to lose. Those with little, sleep under a lesser threat of loss and can feel more secure.

Money can be a source of security, but it can also be a source of heartburn:

“The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep” (Eccl. 5:12).

If you put all your security eggs in the money basket, then you must perpetually worry about eggs breaking and losing both.

Source: Chapter 5, “Our Need for Security” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 
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Connections: The Healing Touch of Relationships

Friday, April 16th, 2010

What happens when you get your hand too close to a flame? Instantly, you draw your hand back. It’s immediate. It’s reactive. You get as far away from the source of the pain as you can. This reaction to physical pain is natural. And it also can be our reaction to emotional pain.

When emotionally wounded, we tend to draw back into ourselves. We become suspicious of other people. We even become suspicious of our own motives and decisions. And so, we withdraw from people.

As a result, left alone in our pain, we are cut off from the healing touch that comes from our relationships.

In the first book of the Bible, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2″18). He was speaking in the context of the marriage relationship, but our need for connection is there, outside of marriage as well. We need extended family and good friends. Our connection to other people builds a closely knit community, and within the context of community, we are able to provide for the needs of others and to receive help for our own needs.

Why is it that just when we need people the most, we tend to withdraw ourselves? I believe there are several reasons, which either individually or in combination reinforce our belief that it’s better for us to be alone with our pain:

  • We think others won’t understand what we’re going through
  • We’re distrustful of others because of what we’ve suffered
  • We’re unwilling to forgive those who have added to our pain
  • We’re so depleted that we think we have nothing to give to another person
  • We don’t believe we deserve to be loved again

In each of the beliefs above, there is an element of truth. Yet it is only partial truth. Let’s look at each of these beliefs, expanding our understanding so we can see them from a broader perspective. Ultimately, the truth is that we need others. If we are not able to embrace that truth, we sentence ourselves to the torment of solitary confinement. Invariably, we hurt ourselves even more.

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Connections,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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How to Counter Wishful Thinking with the Truth

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Colleen was angry because life, her life, seemed totally out of her control, as if there was some sort of malevolent puppet master manipulating the strings of her life to send her falling on her face and crashing into obstacles.

Without even really being aware of them, Colleen was influenced by key assumptions she held about herself, about life, which led to her wishful thinking and unrealistic expectations. These were deeply rooted in her sense of self and perceptions of the world.

Colleen believed:

  • I need to be perfect to be happy.
  • When I am upset, it is the responsibility of others to comfort me.
  • When others harm me, it is intentional.
  • When I harm others, it is a mistake.
  • The more intense my pain or discomfort, the less the rules apply to me.
  • I deserve to be taken care of by others.
  • Others must carry my burdens for me.
  • If I am angry, no one else has the right to be.

Colleen based her life on false assumptions that she developed when she was growing up. The more time and energy she put into the wishful thinking of these false assumptions, the less able she was to see and operate within the truth.

Wishful thinking springs from pain, disillusionment, misunderstanding, and longings from the past. As such, they are amazingly powerful illusions. I have known women who have lived with them. Clouding their lives for decades.

It takes courage, perseverance, and faith to come to an understanding of the falsehoods in your life so you can begin to counter them with the truth. The only thing powerful enough to do this, I firmly believe, is God’s Spirit. God’s Spirit is called “the Spirit of truth” (John 14:16). In order to overcome the false assumptions underlying her wishful thinking and unrealistic expectations, Colleen needed a dose of the truth from God’s Spirit, revealed in God’s Word.

As we learn throughout the Bible:

  • Happiness comes from inner contentment.
  • When you are upset, you are able to find comfort within yourself.
  • When you are harmed by others, the actions can be either intentional or accidental and more often than not require grace.
  • It is possible to harm other people even when you don’t want to and perhaps more importantly when you do want to.
  • The standards of conduct in life and relationships apply to all circumstances, including times of distress and discomfort.
  • Your greatest fulfillment will come when you serve others, as exemplified by Christ.
  • As you learn to shoulder your own load, you gain strength to help shoulder the load of others.
  • People often react to the anger of others by being angry themselves. This only results in nonproductive arguments.

This is your Season of Truth. It may not be what you consider an ideal time, but whenever you recognize your anger as an issue, it’s the right time to deal with it.

SOURCE: Chapter 3: “How Do Unfulfilled Expectations Affect Anger?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Unfulfilled Expectations to the Extreme: What Esau Teaches Us About Anger

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” ~Genesis 27:41

One reason you get angry is because life hasn’t turned out like you expected – unfulfilled expectations. Perhaps for you there was supposed to be a knight in shining armor, meaningful and rewarding work, an attentive spouse, a white picket fence, happy and obedient children. Adulthood was supposed to mean you were finally in control. Instead, it appears you’ve been sold a huge bill of goods that’s anything but good. If you’re angry about it, get in line. The line for “it wasn’t supposed to turn out like this” is a long one. Just get in line, right behind Esau.

Esau was supposed to have the preeminent position in his family. As the firstborn, he was to receive the birthright, which was established in Deuteronomy 21:15-17. The birthright was a double portion of inheritance. But instead, the birthright went to his twin brother, Jacob, who was born second. Esau, as the firstborn, expected to receive his father’s primary blessing prior to his death. Instead, Jacob received the first blessing. Things didn’t turn out as Esau had expected, and he became angry, bitter, and bent on murder.

In the anger and bitterness over unfulfilled expectations, most women don’t resort to murdering others; most will merely kill off their own ability to be happy.

Colleen’s story tomorrow.

SOURCE: Chapter 3: “How Do Unfulfilled Expectations Affect Anger?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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