Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

How is Your Anxiety Triggered By What You Eat?

Friday, August 26th, 2011

It is amazingly easy and convenient to feed yourself all the wrong things. You can cheaply fill yourself with highly processed, fatty foods full of refined sugar. It is possible to go days, weeks, months, or longer without eating a green, leafy vegetable or an omega-rich piece of fish. You can sustain yourself with a steady diet of fast-food combos and convenience store options. The question, of course, is for how long and at what price.

At The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, we treat the whole person, which means the emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual components of each individual. Over the years, we’ve learned how important the physical component is to treating issues like anxiety.

Think about examining what you’re eating and drinking. For you to get a balanced picture of your habits, I want you to do this for an entire month. What I’ve found is that people tend to be “good” when tracking for the first week or so but then revert back to reality. You can’t change what you’re doing if you’re not dealing with reality. So go for 30 days. Guidelines for doing this include the following:

Use a separate piece of paper for each day. Keep it with you during the day so you don’t forget to write something down.

  • Track what you eat every day, both weekdays and weekends. Many people have different rules for weekends, and I want you to have the full picture. You need to see the pattern of your eating across a broad span of time.
  • Continue to eat the way you always do. You may be tempted to modify your eating habits because you’re keeping track, but that will defeat the purpose. You need to be aware of what you’re doing, not what you wish you were doing.
  • Write down everything you eat and drink. That means everything that goes into your mouth. Everything counts, including water. You need to know how much you’re eating and drinking and what. Track amounts. Whenever possible, write down the caloric values for each.

For tracking your food, I’d like you to use the categories of the food pyramid: grains, vegetables, fruits, milk, meat and beans, oils, and discretionary calories. For tracking your fluids, I’d like you to use four categories: water, caffeinated, alcohol, and other.

If you’re being especially brave, write down what you’re doing each day in the way of exercise or moving your body. If you’re able, purchase a small pedometer and wear it. This will allow you to see how much you’re really moving your body each day. A healthy body and a balanced system contribute to your overall health and ability to stabilize and maintain your moods. You feel better and sleep better.

Do you have a physician? If so, call now and make an appointment, setting the date to correspond with the end of your tracking so you can bring in the results. If you don’t have a primary care physician, consider finding one and going in for a physical. Bring along your tracking. If you persist in doing this without a physician, be honest about what you’re doing and the changes you know you need to make.

There is an absolute connection between mind and body. They affect each other, for good or for ill. Proverbs 15:3 says, “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” What you feel emotinoally affects how you feel physically. As you seek to live a more positive life, looking for the good, don’t neglect the health of your bones.

SOURCE: Chapter 13 in Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace

Relief Through Trust and Faith in God

Friday, August 19th, 2011

I’ve said it before in several ways, but I want to say it again plainly: you have grown comfortable in your fears and anxieties. In a perverse way, they have become the known, the predictable, your comfort zone of behavior and expectation. To use a phrase from the book of Job, your anxieties and fears are “miserable comforts” but comforts still. You are more comfortable giving them control over your life than you are giving your life over to God. You’ve allowed your anxieties to provide you with meager, miserable comforts instead of claiming the true comfort promised by your loving Father. Listen to him argue passionately in his own defense in Isaiah 51:

I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass, that you forget the Lord your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction?

For where is the wrath for the oppressor? The cowering prisoners will soon be set free; they will not die in their dungeon, nor will they lack bread.

For I am the Lord your God, who churns up the sea so that its waves roar – the Lord Almighty is his name.

I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand -

I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, “You are my people.”

Do not take meager, miserable comfort any longer in your anxieties; choose to believe God when he says, “I, even I, am he who comforts you.” He is stronger, more powerful, and mightier than the fears and anxieties that oppress you, no matter what lies those fears and anxieties tell you.

There is, of course, another part of this: you must allow yourself to be comforted by God; you must accept his comfort. To do this, you need to reject the tie – the relationship – you have with your anxieties. They’ve become so much a part of you that to reject them can seem tantamount to rejecting who you are. Again, in a perverse and paradoxical way, you’ve developed a relationship, a friendship, with your anxieties that must be broken. This friendship is not grounded in the spiritual realm, in God-reality, as it says in the Message; it is grounded firmly in the perceptions and deceptions, in the lies, of this world. Tying yourself to your anxieties ties you to this world.

To go with God, you have to give up these ties to the world, this relationship you have with your anxieties. James 4:4-10 clearly shows you can’t have it both ways. The world and God are in direct competition with each other for your heart and mind. You already know what happens to your heart and mind when the world – when your anxieties and fears – are ascendant. Day by day, step by step, choice by choice, begin to shift your allegiance from the world of your anxieties, worries and fears to God.

SOURCE: Chapter 14 in Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace.

Conquering Your Fears Through Progressive Exposure

Thursday, August 11th, 2011

Big fears are a complex connection of smaller components. Fears generally have a time line – a when. They have a reason – a why. They have a pattern – a what. They have an outlet, a venue for expression – a how. The type of counseling I use is called cognitive-behavioral. It’s a method that addresses each of these components – the when, the why, the what, and the how.

By understanding when things started and why, you gain context. When you develop a strategy for changing your behavior, you change what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, allowing you to replace those old, negative patterns with new, healthier ones.

PROGRESSIVE EXPOSURE

The way to combat the progressive nature of fear is to combat it with another form of progression – a technique called progressive exposure or systematic desensitization. The escalation of fear makes it seem impossibly big; to tackle it, you’ve got to cut it down to size. Then, starting small, you progressively work your way up the ladder of your fear, becoming if not comfortable at least tolerant of each progressive rung.

Here are some steps I recommend for progressive exposure:

1) First, this has to be something you’re willing to do, but it doesn’t have to be done alone. Systematic desensitization works very well in conjunction with regular counseling. Your therapist acts as a coach and encourager, helping you prepare for, execute, and debrief after each step or rung of the process. If you’re not able to work with a professional, sometimes you can call on a trusted friend to partner with you.

2) Before you start, practice relaxation techniques and identify those that work best for you. Be comfortable with them in lower-stress situations, integrating them into your routine so they will be available to you when the stress stakes are higher.

3) If you experience several specific fears or concerns, start with the one you feel most able to tackle first, generally the one that causes you the fewest physical reactions. Then map out the course of your fear. Start at the bottom run and chronicle each aspect until you reach the top:

  • thing or activity you fear
  • where the fear starts
  • what happens and what you’re feeling
  • where it leads, as in what you’re worried will happen
  • what actually happened

4) Keep a journal. There is so much to be gained by taking on the challenge, and, realistically, unless you take the time to write something down, you’re likely to forget it.

5) Give yourself the gift of time. It’s the progress that matters, not the pace.

6) No cheating. You will experience discomfort as you work through the process. In the past, you may have developed coping strategies that involve masking or numbing the discomfort. These are cheats and will negate your effort and work.

7) Don’t be a hero. You don’t need to do this alone. The more debilitating the anxiety, the more you may need to work with a trained professional or, at the very least, a trusted friend or relative.

SOURCE: Chapter 11 in Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace.

Anxiety Relief 101: Examine What You Do, Do Less

Monday, August 1st, 2011

One of the main strategies to reduce your anxiety level is to de-clutter your life. The first step to doing so is to examine what you’re doing and start doing less.

How do you feel about that last sentence? Does it make you anxious just thinking about doing less? Are you worried that you’ll choose the wrong thing, that you’ll make a mistake and drop something urgent? Are you arguing with me, even now, countering that you’d love to give something up but you just can’t, that everything you’re doing is important?

If so, take a deep breath and calm down. Those are your anxieties talking. They’ve hijacked your brain and are in full defense mode. They’re not speaking from the truth; they’re speaking from their false perceptions.

DE-CLUTTER YOUR THOUGHTS

Before you are ready to get rid of the clutter in your life, you need to get rid of the clutter in your thoughts. This isn’t something that will come naturally to you; quite the opposite, you’re going to need to wrest control of your mind back from your anxieties. You’re going to need to value your peace of mind, your sense of self, and truth more than you value your anxieties.

You may think you don’t value your anxieties, that all you want to do is get rid of them, but consider something for a moment. We tend to hold on to the things we value.  If you didn’t really value your anxieties on some level, you wouldn’t have held on to them this long.

TRACK YOUR TIME

How you spend your time tells a great deal about what you value. Try keeping track.

First, think about your typical monthly activities. For a 30-day month, write down how many hours you spend sleeping, working, getting to work, taking care of household chores, fulfilling family obligations, etc.

Next, think about what you do with your “discretionary” time and just how much time that actually is. For example, during a 24-hour day, most people spend a third of the time sleeping, a third of the time working (for most days), leaving a third of the time. I’d like you to monitor what you do with that other third – that discretionary time.

Ask yourself some questions:

  • How much time do I really have for myself?
  • Which activities are ones that I have deemed important?
  • Which activities are those other people have required me to do?
  • For each of the activities listed, decide whether you like doing it. Is it an activity that brings you pleasure? Why? What do you value about the activity?
  • For each activity listed, think about stopping it tomorrow. What is your immediate reaction? Can you see yourself in the future not doing this activity? Does the thought of stopping this activity make you anxious? If so, why?
  • Are there any activities you would like to give up but don’t feel you can? Which ones? Why do you feel obligated or compelled to continue doing them? What do you think would happen if you stopped?
  • As you looked over your list, were you surprised at how much or how little time you’re actually spending in a given area? If so, which ones and why?

It can be startling to see how you really spend your time. Think about what this says about your anxieties and your priorities.

SOURCE: Chapter 9 in Dr. Jantz’s Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace.

How To Reduce Anxiety Through Objective Thought

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

What if your thoughts aren’t correct? What if they aren’t really even the truth? Thoughts are not events. They are not objective; they are subjective.

OBJECTIVE VS. SUBJECTIVE THOUGHT

In the world of anxiety, there is a vast difference between the objective and the subjective.

Objective means something most people would agree upon. The dictionary definition of objective is “in the realm of sensible experience independent of individual thought and perceptible by all observers: having reality independent of the mind.” Objective things have a reality independent of the mind because the mind can, sometimes, really mess things up.

Subjective is the opposite of objective. The word subjective means “characteristic of or belonging to reality as perceived rather than as independent mind.”

So there is a reality to what happens that is independent of what you think about it. For many people, this is a foreign concept. Truth, to them, consists of their impressions, thoughts, opinions, biases, feelings, and assumptions.  I think, therefore it is. Subjective thoughts are perfectly suited to feed the monster. The thoughts are yours; the monster is yours. The subjective thoughts you feed your monster are tailor-made to strengthen it.

This is not easy for some people to accept. Their subjective perceptions are so strong that they drown out objective reality. These people live within a world of delusion where what they think will happen will, even if all evidence points to the contrary. It is a world where the subjective crowds out the objective. It is a world of monsters and terrors and things that go bump in the night.

Now, granted, not everyone with anxiety goes to this extreme. There are some people who actually believe false things are true; we call them delusional and obsessive thinkers. There are other people who merely fear that false things are true; we call them anxious, worried, concerned, overwrought, and stressed.

When anxiety and panic set in, it’s helpful to stop and intentionally calculate the odds of what you fear. Fear lends certainty to even the most far-fetched possibility. How many people die every year of snake or spider bites? The number is astronomically small, yet people live daily with a fear of both. Of the many people who fly every year, how many actually die in plane crashes? Again, the number is extremely small, yet a fear of flying affects a large number of people.

In the midst of feeling anxious, it can be difficult to think objectively, but it is extremely important.

HOW TO BE OBJECTIVE ABOUT YOUR FEARS

If you’re fearful of flying or snakes or spiders, you can always look up the statistical odds of injury or death. Depending on what you fear, however, there may not be any statistics. I

If you’re worried about something like losing your job, you’re going to need to think back over the course of your own life to find the data. For example, how many jobs have you had and how many jobs have you lost? If you have lost jobs in the past, are conditions now the same as they were then?

If you’re worried about something like being humiliated in public, consider how many times you’ve been in a public situation versus how many times you’ve actually been humiliated.

Fear establishes a toehold in your mind, then infiltrates your thoughts, establishing a stronghold in your mind, leading to a stranglehold over your life.

ASKING FOR HELP

Depending on your level of anxiety, you may not be able to work through these calculations on your own. You may need to discuss these issues with a professional counselor, someone trained to walk you through the process and help you separate objective knowledge from your subjective perceptions. If that’s the case, don’t feel bad about it. All of us have issues we have difficulty seeing in our lives because we’re so close to them. It’s why talking things over with trusted family members or friends is invaluable.

The important thing, if you aren’t able to work through this on your own, is to ask for help.

Anxieties breed in secret. Hidden fears intensify. Place your fears outside yourself and you’ll be amazed at how quickly they are reduced to actual size.

Share some of your thoughts and/or experience on anxiety and receive a FREE copy of my new book, Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace (from which the information above is excerpted). Comment here, or via the Twitter and Facebook pages linked to below.

Feeling depressed? It could be fueled by anxiety, or vice versa. To consider this, check out our Depression and Anxiety Questionnaire.

Understanding the Link Between Anxiety and Depression

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

I have seen firsthand the link between anxiety and depression. The possibility for the chronically anxious person to become depressed is real, and the reasons can be compelling.

The anxious state is like living on red alert. The mind and the body are in a heightened condition all the time. However, unlike the temporary thrill of a roller coaster, this ride never ends. Any relatively stable stretch only provides time to ramp up for the next neck-bending climb and heart-pounding fall. The cycle keeps repeating itself over and over.

For some people, there comes a point when it all becomes too much; they just want to shut down. But if you can’t get off and the ride never ends, the only alternative is to stop reacting to the ride. Unfortunately, the ride is their life. By checking out of the anxiety, they are checking out of life. Depression becomes a way to numb themselves, to check out, to experience relief from the chaos.

How Anxiety Leads to Depression

When the body and the mind are overstressed and taxed to the maximum by circumstances, such as ongoing anxiety, depression is a very real possibility. This is not a conditional crisis brought on by a single event or situation but a chronic crisis state brought on by the ongoing demands of anxiety.

In some people, when their coping and caring mechanisms are depleted, they shut down into depression. Depression begins as a coping mechanism for anxiety but becomes intertwined with and strengthened by the anxiety. Both are fueled by feelings of helplessness to overcome and hopelessness of things ever getting better.

One woman I worked with put it this way:

“When I first started feeling depressed, frankly, I was relieved. I just reached a point where, if all I could feel was panic, I would rather not feel anything at all.”

At first, she welcomed the shroud of depression as an acceptable antidote to the hyperstate of her panic. The weight of her depression, however, was not enough to tamp down her feelings of panic and anxiety indefinitely. Those stabs of sheer terror and worry began to find cracks in her numbed facade, only now she felt less able to handle them, struggling as she was with her depression as well.

Even in the panic, she’d been able to experience brief moments of enjoyment and pleasure. With the depression, those were gone. It didn’t take long for the anxiety and panic attacks to become even more pronounced, as her resiliency faded with the depression. Despair was now a constant companion, compounded by the failure of various medications.

“If my family hadn’t intervened and demanded I get help, I could have so easily decided to end things altogether.”

How Depression Leads to Anxiety

I have also seen the reverse, where depression occurs first, followed by anxiety in the form of panic attacks.

It’s as if depression has leached out all hope, joy, and optimism from a person’s life. Denuded of these life-affirming characteristics, the person becomes vulnerable to an anxiety attack. When the assault takes place, the person has no emotional stability to assist in placing the experience in proper perspective.

A single, transitory fear, worry, or concern blossoms into a full-blown panic attack. Once that possibility, that potential, is activated, a new paradigm is created. Panic-once means panic-possible, forever. This kind of helpless feeling is in perfect harmony with the bleak outlook of depression.

Whether anxiety or depression occurs first, when combined, both will tell you things can never get any better, that you are helpless to effect positive change. They can appear like twin juggernauts, barreling down and flattening your life and your ability to experience relief. When these two are joined together, they create an even higher threshold for recovery.

Are you living with depression fueled by anxiety, or vice-versa? Share some of your thoughts and/or experience and receive a FREE copy of my new book, Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace (from which the information above is excerpted). Comment here, or via the Twitter and Facebook pages linked to below.

How Anxiety Fuels Codependency

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

Anxiety strangles relationships, but the way this is accomplished can look very different, in what is known as relational isolation and relational attachment. Both scenarios take a two-sided relationship and crush it into a self-centered, one-sided reality.

RELATIONAL ISOLATION

For some people living with anxiety, isolation is the only way to cope. Just as migraine sufferers must remove themselves from all outside stimuli, anxiety sufferers must remove themselves from all relational stimuli.

These people draw into self whenever stressed. These people demand that the other person be ready and available to support them without any thought of reciprocity. These people are irritable and moody. These people have multiple reasons and rationales for their behavior, each one emphasizing their need and minimizing their responsibility. These people expect everyone else to make accommodation for them; they live in the altered state of anxiety crisis.

All of their being is focused on what they need to weather the storm, to make it through, to put an end to the panic and pain. On red alert, they promote themselves to captain of the relationship and demote the other person to deckhand, relegated to mopping up after them.

It becomes a lopsided, one-way relationship that breeds resentment and disillusionment.

RELATIONAL ATTACHMENT

With relational attachment, the overwhelming feeling for the other person is one of being suffocated by the anxious person.

The anxious person needs to know where the other person is, what they’re doing, who they’re with. The anxious person bleeds that worry into the relationship, becoming suspicious about the other person, concerned about their fidelity, their commitment to the relationship. The anxious person needs ongoing reassurance that everything is okay. It is crucial for everything to be okay, for the relationship is everything.

The relationship has become a coping mechanism for the anxiety and panic. The relationship allows the anxious person to be diverted from their worries, concerns and panic. This diversion requires fuel. At some point, it is not enough for the relationship to simply be “okay.” Okay only goes so far. Stability is required; you want to know the ride is safe. However, a safe ride doesn’t produce the thrill, the outlet, you’re looking for. It doesn’t provide a diversion from the anxiety.

The stressed person is on guard and alert, watching for any signs of shift in the relationship, which has become so necessary to provide an outlet for anxiety. The other person feels imprisoned in the bonds of the relationship, chafing at the constant scrutiny and irritated by the repeated demands to prove himself or herself.

CODEPENDENCY

These two types of anxious people are opposites in many ways. So what happens when these two opposites attract? It is often called codependency. The avoidant, isolated person will often be drawn to the attachment person, and vice versa.

The attachment person will be drawn to an avoidant person, recognizing the high potential for crisis, for diversion.

The avoidant person will be drawn to an attachment person, recognizing the willingness to subjugate self for the sake of the relationship.

Codependency in anxiety relationships is further complicated by the presence of other self-medicating behaviors. I say other self-medicating behaviors because the attachment person is already using the relationship as a form of self-medicating, of numbing, or diversion. The avoidant person, as a way of isolating, may turn to self-medicating too. The avoidant person doesn’t need the attachment person to self-soothe. Instead, the avoidant person needs the attachment person to facilitate and support the self-soothing, self-medicating behaviors.

Are you in a codependent relationship fueled by anxiety? Share some of your thoughts and/or experience and receive a FREE copy of my new book, Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace (from which the information above is excerpted).

Overcoming Anxiety, Worry, and Fear [BOOK GIVEAWAY]

Friday, June 17th, 2011
Overcoming Anxiety, Worry & Fear

Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace by Dr. Gregory Jantz

Through July 31, I’m giving away free copies of my new book, Overcoming Anxiety, Worry, and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace. If you’d like a copy, simply comment on this or any other blog post between now and then. I’ll contact you via email for your mailing address. You can also enter to win by commenting on my Facebook page or mentioning the book on Twitter.

For some idea of what to expect, here’s an excerpt from the Introduction….

Do you ever find yourself fearful without really knowing why?

Do you worry about a thousand little things during the day?

Do certain situations cause your heart to race and your palms to sweat?

Do you sometimes feel like you’re smothering, like you can’t get enough air?

Do you all of a sudden feel light-headed, disconnected, and on edge?

Do you wake up in the morning tired and irritable?

Do you have trouble going to sleep or staying asleep?

Does the fear sometimes become so overwhelming that you’re afraid you’re going to die?

Do you avoid certain people, places, and situations because of how fearful they make you feel?

Do you find yourself thinking about all the things that could go wrong?

Anxiety is defined as “a painful or apprehensive uneasiness of the mind, usually over an impending or anticipated ill; a fearful concern or interest; an abnormal or overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with it. Too many of us live out this definition in our lives. The opposite of worry and anxiety – assurance, calm, composure, confidence, contentment, ease, happiness, peace, security, tranquility – is foreign. We’d love to go there; we just don’t know the way.

Over my years in the counseling business, I’ve seen the toll anxiety takes on lives and health. I’ve seen anxiety partner with many other mental health, medical, and chemical dependency concerns, complicating recovery. I’ve seen fear of the future outweigh the horror of the present, resulting in paralysis and an inability to move forward.

I’ve also seen people meet their worries, fears, and anxieties head-on, helping them break through to recovery. I’ve seen the amazing courage of those who refused to cower any longer in a corner of their lives and reached out and up to personal victory. I’ve seen hope win out over despair, trust win out over fear, faith triumph over adversity. I’ve seen people win and gain back their lives.

Would you like to experience peace in your life – a peace you could count on?

Would you like to be able to face your fears and come out the winner?

Would you like to understand what all this fear and worry you feel is about?

Would you like to know how to overcome the panic and really enjoy life again?

Would you like to look forward to the future instead of creeping up on it with dread?

You weren’t created to live a life of worry, with fears and anxieties constantly hedging you in and draining you of happiness, joy, and peace. It’s time to step back from the edge and overcome your anxiety, worry, and fear.

For your free copy of Overcoming Anxiety, Worry, and Fear, comment on this blog post or via the Facebook or Twitter links below.

May is Mental Health Month [RESOURCES]

Friday, May 13th, 2011

One in 4 adults in the U.S. have been diagnosed with a mental health condition. Note the emphasis on “diagnosed.” If we take into account every man and woman who is suffering in silence, alone, Americans living with mental health conditions is far greater than 25 percent. Unfortunately, the stigma still attached to mental illness discourages people from seeking help. It’s for this reason this month is so important.

May is Mental Health Month, sponsored by Mental Health America, the country’s leading non-profit dedicated to helping people lead mentally healthier lives.

If you would like to help raise awareness about mental health, support one or both of this year’s campaigns:

  1. Do More for 1 in 4, a call to action to help the 1 in 4 American adults who live with a diagnosable, treatable mental health condition and the fact that they can go on to live full and productive lives.
  2. Live Well: It’s Essential for Your Potential, focusing on 10 science-based tools for managing stress and helping you relax, grow and flourish.

For details on how you can help – including suggested posts for Twitter and Facebook – check out the official website of Mental Health America.

And if you or someone you know is living with a mental health condition, refer to the following resources on:

I’ve also written a number of books on mental health issues, all of which you can browse and buy in the Hope Store.

Following Your Faith on the Road Less Traveled

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

In this world of difficulty and doubt, of struggles and hardships, of compromises and second choices, of injustice and affliction, each person comes to a crossroads in life.

There are two roads with signposts on each that say, “Way to Happiness.”

On the one hand is the road championed by the world, which promises much and delivers little. This road is taken by a vast array of people who are tricked into believing the billboards along the way. Those inducements, even your own internal dialogue, for taking this road can be compelling because of all of their glitzy promises. Instead of happiness, though, this road can lead to depression, anxiety and addiction.

There is another choice, another road. However, this road can appear less attractive when compared with the first. Because of this, it is a road less traveled. This is the road of faith, which uses a cross for a talisman. It does not say, “Take this road to avoid your pain.” The one road promises you’ll be in control. The other says you must give it up. The one appears all about pleasure. The other appears all about sacrifice. In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to make the right choice.

American poet Robert Frost, in one of his most popular works, “The Road Not Taken,” illustrates the importance of the choices made in life in the last stanza of the poem:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

In other words, you’ve come to a fork in the road — two paths promising to lead you to your desired destination. However, the one you choose may not be the most popular, but it may lead you to true happiness.

I guess what I want to leave you with is an exhortation to take the road less traveled because it will make all the difference. The world’s road eventually leads to a literal dead end. God’s road leads to eternity. Because it can be so difficult to choose the road less traveled, here are just a few things to remember as you stand at the crossroads each day:

- Happiness is a response to life that comes from the inside of a person, not from outside circumstances.

-Happines is a gift from God, based upon His goodness and mercy apart from circumstances.

- Depression isn’t something you live with; it’s something you get help for.

- Worry and anxiety are a learned response to life that can be acknowledged, understood, and overcome.

- Addictions both mask and amplify pain; they never heal it.

- What you tell yourself becomes who you are, so be careful what you say.

- Relationships are meant to support you, not drag you down.

- Taking care of your body helps you take care of your heart, soul, and mind — all are used to love God.

- Stop trying to control your own life, and start trusting in God to get you where you need to go.

- An attitude of optimism is a choice.

- Hope is a response based on an expected future, not a reaction to an experienced present.

- Joy is the spark that uses the tinder of optimism to ignite the fuel of hope.

- Even if happiness isn’t a path you’ve taken before or it seems artificial or unamiliar, go down the path anyway, taking baby steps.

- Each day presents you with a new opportunity to be happy.

- Each failure today points the way to success tomorrow.

- Sometimes the clearest lesson you receive today is confirmation of where you don’t want to go tomorrow.

- Don’t let anything get in the way of getting the help you need. Ask…expect…act.

- Don’t wait on others to hand you happiness; take hold of it yourself.

As you embrace this new way of thinking, living, and responding, may you, in the words of Paul, come “to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:18-19). May this overpower the strongholds of depression, anxiety, and addictions in your life. May this be a fountain of unending happiness. the reason for your optimism, the source of your hope, and the reservoir of your joy.

SOURCE: Afterword, “The Road Less Traveled,” in Happy for the Rest of Your Life by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc.