Posts Tagged ‘Anger’
Tuesday, January 12th, 2010
Many women live their whole lives trying to be someone they’re not, trying desperately to hide who they are — or who they think they are. Sandra was one of them, a woman whose story illustrates the tremendous power in knowing who you are and accepting who you are.
Sandra checked over her figures three times, but the answer was still the same. Inside, she felt that familiar feeling of dread rise up from the bottom of her fear. She’d made a mistake. There was no other way to put it. And now she knew there was no other way to deal with it.
In the past, Sandra would have been in full panic mode by now. She would have looked for ways to pretend the mistake didn’t exist. She would have devised an elaborate scaffold to camouflage and conceal the mistake. All the while, she would have lived in fear of discovery, terrified of her mistake and angry at herself for making it. Not anymore.
Calm down, Sandra, she told herself. You’re not expected to be perfect. What you are expected to do is report problems when you find them. The error is not your mistake; the error would be not to report it. It’s all right. Just get up and do the right thing.
Taking her worksheet with her, she went down the hall to her supervisor’s office. Just tell the truth she counseled herself as she knocked twice on the door. It’s going to be fine.
SOURCE: Chapter 9: “Learning the Power of Acceptance” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: acceptance, Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, learning, power, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, women
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Monday, January 11th, 2010
You stand at the door to my heart and knock. You stand at the door to my anger and ask to be allowed inside. I confess I’ve been ashamed for you to see what lies inside that door. I confess I have wanted to keep what lies inside that door to myself.
I confess to you, Father, this anger is poisoning my relationships. Anger has become an idol in my life that I have worshiped and turned to for solace. Free me from my anger, almighty God. Release me from its chains. Drive out the mocker from inside my head. Help me to hear only your voice, as you sing over me with love and grace.
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, Prayer, relationships, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Friday, January 8th, 2010
Through January 31st I’m giving away free signed and personalized copies of my new book, Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger. The response has been truly heartwarming, especially feedback like this from a woman whose experience I’m hoping will inspire you to request your own copy today:
“Book received! I can’t tell you how thankful I am for your generosity. It’s truly touching. It couldn’t have come at a better time, as things are extremely tough at the moment.
“Your book is helping me make positive changes in my life and it’s only day 2 since receiving it! I can’t tell you how amazing I feel. The power this book seems to instill in me gives me faith that I can go and move from where I am stuck right now.
“It’s also enabled me to write a ‘letting go’ letter to my brother who has done and said very hurtful things which I thought were unforgivable, but your book has since taught me that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. And if I feel any anger after writing such letters and forgiving people aloud then I haven’t truly forgiven them. So it’s helping me to really search within myself to find out what’s important and trying to let go of things because I don’t like feeling such anger.”
Whether you know the source of your anger, or you simply know it’s there … whether it’s anger you hide or anger you vent on a regular basis … I urge you to please request your free signed and personalized copy of my new inspirational book for women today.
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Tags: Anger, book giveaway, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, inspirational, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, women
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Thursday, January 7th, 2010
Proverbs 26:21 — “As coal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.”
It is helpful to know you are not the only person in the world. Others are also hurt and carry the scars of their pain. In other words, there is an overabundance of fuel in this world to fan the flames of anger within relationships.
An old saying is that it takes two to tango. If you insist on being a quarrelsome person, you will find a willing partner; you are sure to find plenty of opportunity to kindle strife.
If you have developed the strategy of being combative with others, I urge you to reconsider how effective this is in meeting your needs and filling the desires of your heart. This attitude forces a wedge between you and others. It destroys the very relationships you seek to create, maintain, and strengthen. It sours your mind and warps your viewpoint. It turns the world into a battleground, an adversarial exercise that must be waged day after day. It leaves you no room for peace. When, in your anger, people become your enemy, all your relationships will remain tainted and unresolved.
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, pain, Proverbs, Proverbs 26:21, quarrel, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
Proverbs 26:20 — “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”
Become aware of what sort of fuel incites your anger. Learn to be discerning. Refrain from indignation and umbrage at unsubstantiated rumors and gossip. Not only is this sort of behavior destructive, it often diverts you from your own work of reflection and recovery.
Gossip is called a “choice morsel” in Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22. Don’t let it tempt you and veer you away from doing your own work.
Tomorrow: Proverbs 26:21 (last in the series)
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, gossip, Gregory L. Jantz, Proverb 26:20, Proverbs, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
Proverbs 26:17 — “Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.”
Every one of you has been damaged by a sin in your life — your own sin and the sins perpetrated against you. You are a casualty of a war raging. This war takes place in your life but also in realms beyond your comprehension.
Ephesians 6:12 puts it this way: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
There have been times, listening to stories of horrific abuse and trauma, I have a clearer picture of what this verse speaks to. What I want you to take from this is to be careful about entering into quarrels; you may not be aware of the forces arrayed against you. If you have wandered into a battle of this kind, remember that the battle belongs to the Lord. He has and always will fight for you.
Tomorrow: Proverbs 26:20
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: abuse, Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, Lord, Proverbs, Proverbs 26:17, quarrel, sin, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, trauma
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Monday, January 4th, 2010
Proverbs 22:10 — “Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.”
Did you know that you have a “mocker” inside your head? This is that negative voice you’ve read about that puts you down and devalues you. This voice is fueled by all the false, destructive, and unkind things said against you and things done to you. When this voice says you are not lovable, it mocks the truth of God’s love for you.
For you to get over your anger and begin to have an authentic, healthy relationship with yourself, you must drive this mocker out. When you do, out goes strife, internal quarrels, and self-inflicted insults. You declare peace with yourself and gain the clarity you need to resolve other relationships in your life.
Tomorrow: Proverbs 26:17
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, clarity, Ev, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, mocker, peace, Proverbs, Proverbs 22:10, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
Proverbs 20:3 — It is to a man’s honor to avoid strive, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
This is not the “doormat” proverb. It does not say that you should go about your life keeping your mouth shut in order to avoid problems. Rather, this verse cautions you to avoid strife.
Strife is defined as a “bitter sometimes violent conflict or dissention” and as as an “exertion or contention for superiority.” Strife is quarrel fueled by anger and hostility. As such, it will not produce the desired results of resolution. Instead, it fans the flames of conflict. It is to your credit to avoid it and find another way to get your needs met.
Monday: Proverbs 22:10
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, hostility, Proverbs, Proverbs 20:3, quarrel, strife, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
Proverbs 17:19 — “He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.”
There are women I know, probably women you know, who love a good argument. It seems they like nothing better than to fight about nearly everything. If you are one of these women, you know deep down how much satisfaction you get out of unleashing your temper.
I want you to hear something: even if the source of your anger comes from sin committed against you, that does not absolve you from responsibility in how you conduct yourself and express your anger. If that were the case, then an abuser who was abused would be free from guilt. If that were true, no one could be held responsible for their own wrongful actions because everyone has been wronged by someone.
In order to heal and get over your anger, you need to start seeing it in its proper context — as a high gate you’ve built for protection. As this verse cautions, though a high gate does provide protection, it also invites destruction. If you doubt that, just think about the effect your anger has on those you love.
Ask yourself — is your anger protecting or destroying your family relationships?
Tomorrow: Proverbs 20:3
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, destruction, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gr, Gregory L. Jantz, guilt, protection, Proverbs, Proverbs 17:19, resolving, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
Proverbs 17:14 — “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”
Nowhere is this truer, I think, than in working with couples. If both people have unresolved relationships, starting a quarrel between them unleashes a torrent of hidden issues.
At times, my office has been flooded with accusations, recriminations, dire pronouncements, and tearful arguments. So many that it is difficult for the strength of the relationship to contain them all. That is why one of the skills I teach couples is how to “fight” fairly, passionately but also compassionately, truthfully but also gracefully. A knock-down-drag-out argument is simply not the most effective format for conflict resolution; instead it is a recipe for conflict conflagration.
Tomorrow: Proverbs 17:19
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, fighting, Gregory L. Jantz, Proverbs, Proverbs 17:14, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, unresolved relationships
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