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Is Worry Your Default Position?

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

For some people, worry itself can almost be classified as an excessity — as a Gotta Have It! behavior — because of how quickly they default to a worry position. For them, a state of worry is a state of familiarity. Perhaps for you, worry allows you to prepare for any possible eventuality — and because there’s no real need to prepare for something positive, the eventualities you prepare for always range from bad to worse.

Because you are so familiar with and so good at the worry game, your range is broad and all encompassing:

A negative comment from your boss today means you’re going to be fired tomorrow. A stomachache today means an ulcer tomorrow. A headache is a brain aneurysm. A gained pound is obesity. And on and on it goes.  When anything’s possible, there’s no limit to the possible calamity. In some ways, worry is like watching a movie — except it’s your own private disaster film. That internal viewing can be so compelling, you’re blinded to the reality. The what-ifs crowd out the what-is.  Worry is a real scene-stealer, and the scenes being stolen are bits of your life.

When worry is your default setting, you will often turn to excessities in order to provide just a little white noise to drown out worry’s drumbeat. Often, the excessity is food. I have known people who could eat to their feelings of worry the same as someone mindlessly munches popcorn at the movie theater or a bag of chips while watching television. Eating and worry go hand in hand, like drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette.

Worry, with its constant “on” switch, negatively impacts health. Every week it seems, we are inundated by another study showing the deleterious effects of worry and stress on our lives. Generally, these are followed up by advertisements touting the latest thing to magically ease our worries and make all that stress melt away. But if any of these things actually worked in the long term, our collective worry would be decreasing, not increasing, along with our need for the latest deworrier.

One of the reasons Jesus came to earth was to help explain to us the way things really are. Remember what Jesus said about worry:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the bids of the air; they do not sow or reap or stow away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are y0u not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splender was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you? O you of little faith. So do not worry saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~Matt. 6:25-34

Every time I read this passage, I am struck by the types of things Jesus says not to wory about. He says not to worry about what you’ll eat, what you’ll drink, or what you’ll wear. These are definite needs; they are even identified as such. Yet Jesus says you’re not to worry about them. That would seem like a flippant, “just don’t'” kind of response to a very real concern if it weren’t for the reason Jesus gives. He says you’re not to worry about them because God already knows you need them. Worry, it appears, takes far too much time and energy away from more important things, like seeking God’s kingdom and His righteousness.

Worry is like an illustration I remember seeing of the levee system in New Orleans during Hurrican Katrina.

On the top of the water, the concrete walls of the levee looked so massive and strong. However, under the water the relentless wave action of the water was gradually eating away at the earthen berm upon which the concrete wall stood. Wave by wave, a little more of the earth was gouged out and exposed to the corrosive power of the water. Eventually, the foundation upon which the levee wall stood was completely undermined — and it failed, allowing the water to rush in and flood the area.

I think worry is like that. Wave by wave, gradually over time, worry eats away at the foundation of our lives, at our emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual foundations. Jesus says the answer to worry is to choose not to and instead put your efforts and time into concentrating on the things of God. This activity, by its very nature, will shore up and strengthen your foundations.

Source: Chapter 4, “Our Need for Reassurance” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 
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Are Your Excessities Fueled By Anxiety?

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Many of the people I work with are burdened by fear, worry, and anxiety affecting their ability to live productive and happy lives. These same feelings propel them headlong into excessities. Often, they are focsed on the negativity associated with their excessities, such as obesity or alcoholism or addiction to pornography. They want help to “just stop” whatever those things are that has taken control over their lives, as if those things were merely actions. It is a deeper issue, however, to work through their fear at the heart of those actions. Often, the source has been blown completely out of proportion. They are consumed with the what-ifs and what-abouts instead of recognizing the what-is.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, almost 7 million adults will experiencea condition known as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) in any given year. GAD is a chronic condition where a person lives with anxiety, worry, and tension, even when there is little outside reason for it. This fear is accompanied by a variety of physical symptoms, such as fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle-aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating and hot flashes. It’s as if you’re all ready for the fight of your life but can’t really see who your enemy is. The true enemy is fear.

Generalized anxiety disorder falls under the category of anxiety disorders, which also includes panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, social phobia, and other phobias (such as agoraphobia).

As you read through explanations of each of these conditions, I’d like you to examine whether or not it is possible one or more of them are fueling some of your excessities. You don’t need to be officially diagnosed as having one of these disorders to be able to recognize whether or not somehting about it resonates with you. Carla wasn’t ever diagnosed as obsessive-compulsive, yet her extreme need to exercise contains some OCD components. Keep that in mind as you read these exclamations from the National Institute of Mental Health.

Panic Disorder — this debilitating condition is when a person is seized suddenly by intense feelings of terror, fear, and impending loss of control. It is accompanied by a racing heart, feeling sweaty, weak, faint, or dizzy, and is often interpreted by the person as a heart attack.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder — this is a condition where a person is plagued by incessant unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). The person often develops the repetitive behaviors as a way to guard against or mitigate the unwanted thoughts. The repetitive behaviors can include things like hand washing, counting, cleaning, or checking things. The person hopes  doing these rituals will prevent or guard against the obsessive thoughts. While doing the rituals provides temporary relief, not doing the rituals actually adds to the person’s anxiety.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder — this reaction is the result of a terrifying event or situation where the person experienced or expected to receive serious injury. The clarity o fthe danger is so real, so immediate, it continues to intrude into the person’s life — producing feelings of stress and panic — even when there is no longer any danger. It’s as if, once activated, their fight-or-flight response refuses to shut off, leaving them feeling numb and detached from life and those they love. They may also experience trouble sleeping.

Social Phobia — a person with a social phobia views social situations as battlefields, places of extreme danger. It affects fifteen million adult Americans in any given year. In social situations, they are terrified of being watched and judged by other people. sure they will in some way be humiliated or embarrassed. Eating around or speaking to other people is sheer torture.

Phobias — social phobias can lead to other phobias, such as agoraphobia. People with panic disorders can also develop agoraphobia, as they seek to avoid any situation or place that produced a panic attack in the past. Their list of “safe places” becomes smaller and smaller.

All of these conditions have at their base fear, worry, and anxiety. These can be hard taskmasters when acceded to and given control over your life. When those negative feelings take on larger-than-life proportions, they produce feelings of panic and dread even on a day when the sky is blue, the air is clean, and the sun is shining. The more feelings of panic they produce, the more apt you are to seek out behaviors that produce reassurance that all is well — or, at least, all is well for right now.

Excessities can become a close-your-eyes, plug-your-ears, sing-la-la-la-la-la activity to drown out the drumbeat of fear, worry, and anxiety.

Source: Chapter 4, “Our Need for Reassurance” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 
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How To De-Stress Your Life [BOOK EXCERPTS]

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

“Dan was a succcess in every sense of the word. To the average observer this young man had already achieved everything most people think they might want: comfortable home, loving wife, some modest investments that were starting to work — all neatly wrapped in an obsessive, insatiable need to work ten to twelve hours a day in a job where he listened to people spill their guts, share their dreams, confess their iniquities, and plead for his help. Dan was good at providing that help — that was the problem. He was, perhaps, too good….”

It’s Dan’s story that opens “Coming Apart at the Seams,” the first chapter in my book, How to De-Stress Your Life. We live in a fast-paced world that can take its toll on mind, body, and spirit. In this book, and in the excerpts linked to below, it is my hope to help you pave the way to renewed physical, emotional, and spiritual help.

14 Book Excerpts from How To De-Stress Your Life

How to Stress for Success: Dan’s Story Part I

How to Stress for Success: Dan’s Story Part II

Stress Survey: Who Are You?

10 Questions for Finding the Source of Anger, Fear, and Guilt

4 Steps to Healthy Anger Management

6 Myths of Intimacy: How to De-Stress Your Relationships

Feed Your Faith, Starve Your Doubts: The Life of Helen Keller

7 Ways to Grow Through Life’s Storms

The Joy of Confident Living: Refuse to Quit!

6 Disciplines for Eliminating Self-Defeating Attitudes

Redefining Failure as Success

Opportunity: Fan Into Flame Your Gift

Living with Significance: Betty’s Story

Overworked: Tom’s Idea of “Success”

The Center for Counseling and Health Resources is a treatment center that follows a model of whole-person care, addressing the physical, psychological, emotional, nutritional, fitness and spiritual aspects of each person seeking help through one of our treatment programs, including treatment for stress.

If you would like more information about our depression treatment program, please request a free consultation today.

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Overworked: Tom’s Idea of “Success”

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Tom didn’t realize it at the time, but his success in climbing to a top executive position with his company was achieved at the expense of his personal life.

He stayed at the office well into the evening each day, spent hundreds of hours on airplanes each year — always working madly on his laptop computer, of course — entertained clients over dinner, and took at least two full briefcaes home each weekend.

When Tom wasn’t working, work was working Tom.

Even when physically present at the family dinner table, his mind was still in the office, thinking of the current project, the next project, or past projects. When he’d go on vacations with his family, Tom would pack an extra box or two of business reports, books, and magazines. He never got to all of them but he was content to know that his security blankets were not far away.

This obsession with work was destroying Tom’s relationshp with his wife and children but that didn’t seem to matter much to Tom, because he continued to get reinforcement for his yeoman efforts from his boss and colleagues.

Peoplel in the office would say, “You know, Tom is just about the hardest-working guy I”ve ever seen in this place. I can’t believe it. How does he do it? He keeps his weight down, has energy to spare, works until seven every night, comes in on Saturdays more than anyone else, works at home. What a guy”

What a guy indeed. Although he says he loves his wife, Tom is now divorced, lives in a one-bedroom efficiency apartment, and misses his kids, but he is still nowhere near understanding what really happened. He tried to grow in one dimension only, and because of his physical endurance, business acumen, and the reinforcement he received from his colleagues, he figured he’d be able to pull it off.

Tom made his choice early on. He accepted the challenge to make work his life and life his work. He bought into reaping the benefits he thought he wanted, rewards he was sure would result from hard work and dedication: power, respect, money, and achievement.  As advancements came his way, along with greater responsibility, the pressure to produce even more only increased.

Tom mistook an organized, effective, well-paid, well-oiled economic situation for a relationship. It was not. It was an arragement for business purposes. Yes, Tom had to work and he was good at what he did. But there was no balance to his life. Tom had a loving wife and great kids who were dying to have a relationship with him. They needed to be recognized, uplifted, talked to, listened to. They needed — and still need — someone who regards their opinion as important and who will be there when they need him most.

Do you relate to Tom?

You may have been on one end of the spectrum or the other. You may even now be so preoccuped with business success, travel, and the next deal that you are forgetting what may be most important in your life. Or you may be the one at home who wonders if your husband or wife will ever see the need for the kind of relationship you are eager to share.

Remember that the most effective way of establishing a healthy relationship with others is to become emotionally healthy yourself. It may involve some serious challenges as you move through the process, but you must not forget the importance of your own emotional well-being.

The following questions can help you recognize if you are creating and maintaining healthy relationships:

Am I able to slow down? Can I get rid of my dysfunctional attitudes about time that tmake me think I need to do everything now, in a hurry, at all costs, to the detriment of the relationships I say are important to me?

Am I looking at the bigger picture? Is what I do really what I want to do and be? Am I engaging in the kinds of activities that encourage or inhibit my relationships?

Am I equating work with my worth? It’s been said that we’ve become walking resumes, meaning that we are what we do — no more, no less. Am I able to do something like walk on a secluded beach and enjoy a sunset with my spouse or a friend (without my cell phone or pager) and still feel I have value?

Do I take breaks during the day to do something besides work? Do I take the time to call a friend, take a 5-minute vacation, write a love note or postcard to a son or daughter in college, or pick up some flowers for a loved on on my lunch break?

If your answers to these questions are generally no, it may be wise to share your concerns and observations with a friend, your pastor, or a professional counselor.

SOURCE: Chapter 9 “Living Right-Side Up in an Upside-Down World” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Living with Significance: Betty’s Story

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Betty came to see me in my office and explained that she had suddenly come to a critical turning point in her life.

She had worked with enthusiasm for many years as a secretary in a leading law firm but was now obliged by circumstances beyond her control to leave her position. It was not going to be easy for Betty to leave her friends, her boss, and the corporate culture that had become such an integral part of her life. She worried that she would not find a position elsewhere that would be as fulfilling and interesting.

If she turned to a different occupation, even for a short time, Betty would run the risk of finding it difficult to ever return to the kind of adventure — a word she used often in our conversation — she had been engaged in for so long.

I asked her, “What do you want most of all in the world?” There was a long silence. Then Betty replied, “I want to do something truly significant with my life.”

Something significant.

We talked more than an hour about the meaning of those words. What does it mean, “something significant”? Is anything ever ultimately significant? Betty hopes so. In fact, she is counting on it.

As a counselor I must be careful not to lay on Betty my value judgments of what may or may not be significant for her. If I were to do so, I would be treating her as less than a capable, responsible person. What she needs from me more than anything else is a dialogue. Few people learn to understand themselves in isolation. Understanding comes only in deep encounters with others.

Betty broke the silence, “I know that just because something is good, it will not necessarily be significant. But I’m confident that if I can be and do significant things, I know that what I put my heart to will be good.”

Did you catch the word Betty used earlier in our conversation — the word adventure?

Life for this woman has always been adventure — complete with the hills and valleys, storms and sunsets, hurts and passion. Once a person without a shred of confidence, weak and ineffective, she learned that it has been through her adventures that she has become the mature woman she is today. Each passing has made her available for other adventures, which have always been more adult and more fruitful.

Now another adventure awaits her.

I tell you Betty’s story because our lives cry out for adventure and significance. That’s why we climb mountains, swim in high surf, extreme ski, scuba dive, fly airplanes, go on vacations to exciting places. It’s why we sit wide-eyed with our hearts pounding through our chests as the roller coaster approaches its final ascent just before it leaps into space, where for those few out-of-body moments we can scarcely catch out breath as our hearts fall to our stomachs and we’re lost in the thrill of temporary weightlessness, screaming, blood pressure rising, with adrenaline coursing through our bodies faster than a moving train.

Our spirits cry out for these thrills as an escape from our humdrum existence.

Even though I have never met you, I know what you want in your heart of hearts. You, like Betty, want to be significant, and you want to do significant things. Your adventures will help define your significance as much as anything else because they are manifestations of your self-expression. Your adventures will invigorate you, push you beyond yourself, and propel you toward your worthy goals. they will demand that you risk stepping out of the too-safe shallows into the wild white water of life where the real action is, where you will encounter both the exhilaration of victory and the learning that comes from defeat.

So press on with confidence. Stay around people who will help you grow. Accentuate the positive. Fan into flame the gift of God that is in you. Remember the source of your strength. Aim for excellence, not for perfection, and confidence will be yours.

I invite you to live boldly and confidently with this assurance.

SOURCE: Chapter 8 “The Joy of Confident Living” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Opportunity: Fan Into Flame Your Gift

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

I think 2 Timothy 1:6 sums up best the reason to hope:

“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you.”

I suggest that you memorize these words of hope and confidence, and then consider them as the theme for this chapter. Being confident means you feel good about what is true about yourself. That’s why the apostle Paul used the words “fan into flame the gift of God.”

Timothy’s gift was already there. It didn’t have to be fabricated. It’s just that Timothy had not yet recognized what lay deep beneath his surface. Paul knew what he was talking about when he penned these words of confidence to his son in the faith. He recognized Timothy was inexperienced, timid, and afraid that he often felt incapable of carrying out his ministry because of his youth. But Paul knew Timothy. He was confident that beneath the self-doubt there was the faithful heartbeat of one of God’s chosen servants who would be used to make his Lord known.

Hundreds of years later Paul’s words still have the power to bring hope to our hearts — if we will allow them to do their good work in our lives.

What gift has God given you that is waiting to emerge? Are you willing to take some small risks to discover the much greater, hidden treasures still buried deep within you? What will it take for you to develop the inner confidence to help you make your fondest dreams come true? Are you wiling to take some risks to propel you beyond the ordinary to do some truly amazing things with your life?

In his bestselling book, Empires of the Mind, Denis Waitley puts the issue of taking risks into perspective with a poem that, unfortunately, could be the epitaph for much of humanity:

There was a very cautious man who never laughed or cried.

He never risked, he never lost, he never won nor tried.

And when one day he passed away his insurance was denied,

for since he never really lived, they claimed he never died.

Waitley continues:

Missed opportunities are the curse of potential. Just after the Great Depression, Americans, perhaps understandably at the time, took many steps intended to minimize risk. The government guaranteed much of our savings. Citizens bought billions of dollars worth of insurance. We sought lifetime employment and our unions fought for guaranteed annual cost-of-living increases to protect us from inflation. This security-blanket mentality has continued to recent decades as executives awarded themselves giant golden parachutes in case a merger or takeover took their plum jobs.

These measures had many benefits, but the drawbacks have also been heavy, even if less obvious. In our eagerness to avoid risk, we forget its positive aspects. Many of us continue to overlook the fact that progress comes only when chances are taken. And the security we sought and continue to seek often produces boredom, mediocrity, apathy, and reduced opportunity.

We dare not wait for great strength before setting out to do our work, for to delay will weaken us further. Neither should we strain to see the end of the road before embarking on our journey, for every moment’s hesitation eats at our confidence and erodes our courage. However, when we take our first tentative steps toward a worthy goal, rather than depleting our strength, we discover our power has increased manyfold and we see more clearly what our next task must be. This is because God’s reward for a job well done is often a bigger job to do.

SOURCE: Chapter 8 “The Joy of Confident Living” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Redefining Failure as Success

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

I make it a point to listen to as many audiotapes and read as many books as possible by John Maxwell, one of the finest Christian leaders and communicators today. Maxwell speaks the truth and describes it in ways that are unforgettable.

About failure, Maxwell says that we should not be ashamed of what may appear to be failure because it often means we had courage to try something different, we learned new information, and now have a better idea of how it should be done.

In other words, what some people call failure, we can call a learning experience.

If what we call failure is never final but simply a means of getting closer to our goals, then it stands to reason that the best book has not yet been written. The most beautiful concerto has not yet been composed. the most energy-efficient car has yet to come off the production line. The most effective cancer cure has not yet been developed in the laboratory. And the better you has yet to emerge.

I want to offer you a challenge.

What are you willing to do, starting today, to ratchet up your confidence a notch or two? What can you tackle right now to help you deal with your challenges in ways you never thought possible? How can you make your most intimate relationships better and stronger? How can you revisit old attitudes, and perhaps revise them, to help you reach out to those in need in creative, new ways?

To help you brainstorm on this, I invite you to write down your responses to the following:

1. Choose one specific thing to work on immediately that will help you know the joy of living confidently. Describe your objective and how you plan to accomplish it.

2. Identify the habitual ways of thinking that have been holding you back, making you afraid, and keeping you from believing your dreams will come true.

3. Based on what you have learned so far in this chapter, write down what you plan to do to make life’s circumstances adjust to your dreams and not the other way around.

4. Reflect on the Chinese proverb, “Flowers leave part of their fragrance in the hands that bestow them.” Write your thoughts in your journal.

5. What is your primary response to the statement, “Becoming more comfortable with myself is a strong sign of growth and inner confidence.”

6. In the past you have often used unreliable maps and timetables and have even chosen nonsupportive traveling companions at times. Write what you now know you must do to find inner healing.

7. Reflect on this Kenyan prayer: “From the cowardice that dares not face new truths; form the laziness that is content with half-truths; from the arrogance that thinks it knows all truths, dear God, deliver me.”

8. When you exchange your mistakes for wisdom and increased confidence, you make an excellent trade because you now know what?

9. What are three fears that have kept you from being confident about your God-given potential?

10. What do you intend to do immediately about these three fears as you develop the confidence to gain control of your life?

11. Always remember that God loves you and forgives you whether you are able to exude confidence or not at this place in your life. In your own words, write a thank-you to God for how much he loves you and for his desire that you use his strength to find inner healing.

SOURCE: Chapter 8 “The Joy of Confident Living” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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6 Disciplines for Eliminating Self-Defeating Attitudes

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

During the darkest days of World War II, when the Allies were struggling and losing on every front, Winston Churchill had the uncanny capacity to quiet his active mind by focusing on some entirely new — often offbeat — activity and giving it his undivided attention. Later, he could return to the strategies of meeting head-on the hated German war machine with his keen mind rested and refreshed.

I can’t think of many people in the history of the world who have held more responsibility in their hands or had more monstrous crises to face than Winston Churchill during the years when he was prime minister of England. However, not everyone realizes he was able to face up to the sort of challenges that would have killed a dozen lesser individuals because of a pattern of behavior he had developed early on — a system for eliminating self-defeating attitudes. Fortunately, Churchill’s system is bound by neither time nor geography and can operate as freely and effectively in the wars you and I fight in our minds today.

THE MASTER KEY

In the context of learning to change gears while in the center of mental conflict, I once heard commentator Earl Nightingale read a quote by Winston Churchill that explained how the great statesman could concentrate on the many affairs of government without becoming stressed. He would consciously force himself to think about things that were completely unrelated to the problems before him.

Winston Churchill knew how to tap into one of the primary antidotes for emotional exhaustion: Change your focus momentarily so you can come back to face your challenges with fresh insights. Without using the exact words, Churchill was sharing with us one of the keys to regaining control of our lives.

We all know how a negative life view can keep us trapped, fearful, and stuck with choices that ruin any opportunity we might have for success. Let’s look at six proven, practical disciplines that, when implemented, can turn an attitude of defeat and despair into hope, energy, and confidence.

1. Review and renew your attitude daily, ready to change your focus so as to embrace optimism over pessimism.

2. Get physical, as exercise can enable you see problems with new eyes and, in fact, even alter your attitude.

3. Become accountable, ready and willing to accept the truth as shared with us by trusted friends, and as realized with our own eyes, ears and realizations.

4. Learn to be content with what you have, as wise men and women know that happiness comes from accepting the impossible, doing without the indispensable, and bearing the intolerable.

5. Relinquish your anger, a natural emotion that serves a healthy purpose but can become harmful when it is our focus or a continual part of our personality.

6. Clean house emotionally, taking steps to sweep away stress and self-defeating attitudes.

As you begin practicing the six disciplines, you will discover many wonderful things begin to happen in your life that help you refocus your priorities and reduce your level of emotional exhaustion. But just as the appearance of one robin does not promise a spring, so you must trust these disciplines for the long haul rather than expecting overnight success.

SOURCE: Chapter 7“Six Disciplines for Eliminating Self-Defeating Attitudes” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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The Joy of Confident Living: Refuse to Quit!

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

At some point in our lives, we will find ourselves burned out, emotionally exhausted, depressed, distressed, and afraid ever to risk again.

Things don’t work out as we think they should. Intimate relationships come to an end. Friends and family die, leaving us at a loss. Our children listen to their own drummers and couldn’t care less about our core values. We lose our jobs, our courage, our time, our hair, and our confidence. We’ve all been there more times than we’d like to admit.

But the comforting news is that we are not alone, because this scourge of discouragement has plagued some of the most familiar names in history.

Consider these individuals and the challenges they faced:

  • Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because he “lacked ideas.” Disney went bankrupt several times before he developed a theme park now known as “the happiest place on earth.”
  • A diving accident in 1967 left Joni Eareckson Tada a quadraplegic. Gradually Joni discovered a personal joy and peace in God so powerful that her life now inspires thousands worldwide. A talented vocalist, aritst, and writer, she is a leading advocate for disabled persons.
  • An “expert” said of football great Vance Lombardi, “He possesses minimal football knowledge and lacks motivation.”
  • The mother and father of the famed opera singer Enrico Caruso wanted him to have a career in engineering. His teachers said he had no voice at all and simply could not sing.
  • Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four years old. He didn’t read until he was seven. His teacher described Albert as “mentally slow, unsociable, and adrift forever in his foolish dreams.” He was expelled and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School.
  • Louisa May Alcott, author of Little Women, was told by her family that it might be best if she’d look for work as a servant or seamstress.
  • Jackie Robinson, grandson of a slave and abandoned at six years of age by his father, broke the color barrier in baseball and was voted the National League’s most valuable player in 1949.
  • John Bunyan, while languishing in an English prison for twelves years for preaching in non-sanctioned places, wrote Grace Abounding and Confessions of Faith and began formulating his major work, Pilgrim’s Progress.
  • Leo Tolstoy, author of War and Peace, failed college. His teachers considered him “both unable and unwilling to learn.”
  • Babe Ruth, arguably the greatest athlete of all time and famous for setting the home run record also held the record for most strikeouts.
  • Winston Churchill flunked sixth grade. He did not become prime minister of England until age sixty-two, and then only after a lifetime of defeats and missed opportunities. The greatest contributions he made to his country and the free world came when he was a senior citizen.
  • After Fred Astaire’s first screen test, the memorandum from the MGM testing director, dated 1933, read, “Can’t act. Slightly bald, Can dance a little.” Astaire kept that memo over the fireplace in his Beverly Hills home.

What made these people — most considered failures — persevere despite insurmountable odds? It wasn’t their education, their good looks, or, in most cases, even their IQ. It was something less tangible.

There was something different in their spirit that set them apart:

  1. They faced their fears, and conquered them.
  2. They stayed focused and flexible, and they had fun!
  3. They refused to give up on their dreams.
  4. They maintained a spirit of optimism.
  5. They though with their hearts.
  6. They used their stumbling blocks as stepping stones.

When you admit that most of you fears are homegrown, you can then make the decision to stop feeding them, pull them up by the roots, and regain control of your life.

SOURCE: Chapter 8: “The Joy of Confident Living” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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7 Ways to Grow Through Life’s Storms

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

Your road to becoming strong again must work through the whole series of past storms that have wreaked havoc on your body, soul, and spirit. But the good news is that now you know you weathered those storms; they helped you grow in ways that you were not even aware and they have shaped you into the person you have now become. Often it’s only when our eyes have been washed clear with buckets of tears that we will ever get a handle on the larger vision for ourselves and our place in the world.

Although you may never fully understand why or how the storms of your past have freshened the air your breathe today, you can find a healthy, new perspective that grants you the freedom to:

  1. Take time to think; it is the source of your power.
  2. Take time to play; it is the secret of your youth.
  3. Take time to read; it is the foundation of your knowledge.
  4. Take time to dream; it will take you to the stars.
  5. Take time to laugh; it really is your best medicine.
  6. Take time to pray; it is your tough with the almighty God.
  7. Take time to reach out to others; it will give your life significance.

It’s hard to believe that a person like Mother Teresa ever fell victim in anger or animosity to her past. Perhaps it’s because of how she always saw the impoverished of body and spirit through the eyes of Christ. As you ponder those difficult areas of your past — ghosts that may still haunt you and that remain hurtful — allow the words Mother Teresa often spoke to sweep over your spirit:

“I come to you, Jesus, to take your touch before I begin my day. Let your eyes rest upon my eyes for awhile. Let me take to my work the assurance of your friendship. Fill my mind to the last, through the desert of noise. Let your blessed sunshine fill my thoughts, and give me strength for those who need me.”

SOURCE: Chapter 5: “Removing the Ghosts of Your Past” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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