Archive for the ‘Gotta Have It!’ Category

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

What Patience Is, and What It’s Not

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

The world does not see patience as a position of strength but rather as a position of weakness, of wanting, of lack. Powerful people don’t have to wait; powerless people do. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of patience. Patience allows you to take back control over a capricious and unstable world and plant that control firmly within yourself.

Patience does not give you the power over circumstances; patience allows you to control yourself in the midst of circumstances.

Because of the misconceptions about patience I’ve run into over the years as I’ve helped people develop the capacity for patience in their lives, I’d like to go over some of the realities and truths of patience.

Patience is not apathy. Apathy is a lack of interest or concern. Being patient does not mean disengaging or disconnecting from your feelings or emotions. Being patient means accepting both how you feel about a given situation and what you can realistically do about it.

Patience is not surrender. A decision to exercise patience is not the equivalent of waving the white flag. When you surrender, you place yourself under the control of the situati0n and remove yourself from the equation. Patience is not surrendering your power to the circumstance; patience is redeploying that power back to you.

Patience is not static. Thre is a misconception that patience, or the act of waiting, is just sitting there, doing nothing. In this, patience is a little like sleep. When we’re sleeping, it can appear that we’re doing nothing — we’re just sleeping. Sleep, however, is a highly dynamic process where the body is actively engaged in repairing itself. The mind is filtering and collating and processing the events of the day. In the same way patience is an active time of remembering, reexamining, and recommitting to those things you know are true. Patience, like sleep, is the act of preparing for the new day to come.

Patience is not impossible. One of the biggest lies of your excessity is that you must give in to it right now. This lie says you do not have the capacity to be patient and to wait — and it would be foolish to even try.

Patience is optimistic expectation. The engine of patience is hope. Romans 5:3-4 is a wonderful passage that shows the connection between patience and hope: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Patience is based on the end, not the beginning. Ecclesiastes 7:8 says, “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.” You won’t know that the end of the matter is better than the beginning if you’re not patient enough to get there.

Patience is based on the long view. The view of patience is not a few steps in front of us. The view of patience is out over the horizon, around the bend, through the hills and valleys of life. Patience is not thwarted by the immediate; it is sustained by the eventual. When you are assured of the eventual, you can patiently endure the immediate.

Patience is a wise response to life. This life is offensive in so many ways. People can be mean, cruel, and hurtful. Circumstances can be sudden, unpredictable, and damaging. We may feel as if we live under siege from something or someone most of the time. But patience provides a calm counterbalance to the frenzy of such a threat level. Proverbs 19:11 says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

Patience is a calm response to life. Patience is seen as a way to diffuse tension and calm an emotional storm. Proverbs 14:29 says, “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.” And as Proverbs 15:18 says, “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Excessities are often quick to strike within tense situations. They promise relief and reward in the midst of such emotional storms. Patience has a way of de-escalating the situation and reducing the pull of escape into an excessity.

Source: Chapter 8, “God Provides Patience” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in God, Gotta Have It!, Proverbs, relationships | No Comments »

God Provides Patience: Lori’s Story

Sunday, September 12th, 2010

Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone. ~Prov. 25:15

In today’s society, we have come to expect the instantaneous, the rapid, the quick, the get-it-done-now. We are simply impatient people. We used to have a higher capacity for patience, but it keeps getting whacked off — primarily as a result of advances in technology. Cell phones, email, texting, and twittering create their own expectation momentum. What used to be considered just waiting now must be endured with patience. Patience really means being put off. Nobody likes being put off.

Excessities are at war with patience.

The Gotta Have It! cry of an excessity is generally followed by the unspoken command of Now! The longer you are required to wait, the louder that command becomes until it’s so shrill that it’s all you hear. The internal clamor of the excessity creates its own urgency. What was a desire becomes a ncessity. And a necessity deferred becomes an emergency. Once you’ve declared your own emergency, you have provided built-in justification for whatever measures are required to satisfy your Gotta Have It! At this point, patience is a hindrance, a barrier between you and your excessity.

LORI’S STORY

Lori didn’t like barriers to what she wanted. She never had.

she saw what she wanted so clearly and perceived her need so acutely, Lori took barriers personally. Her family learned it was never a good idea to get between Lori and something she wanted. They tended to scatter whenever she was in one of her “moods.” Her work subordinates learned to keep their heads down, their mouths shut, and their hands busy doing whatever Lori wanted.

Capable and driven, Lori was able to accomplish a great deal in a small amount of time. It was something she was known for and something she took a great deal of pride in.

If you asked Lori, she’d say she had a great deal of patience.

She would relate numerous occasions where she’d patiently endured the incompetence, inattention, and lack of caring of people around her. She could be patient long enough for the microwave to heat up her food. She could be patient long enough for her computer to boot up. She could be patient long enough for her gas tank to fill. These were Lori’s ideas of patience, and she bore them with stoic, if resentful, patience.

Then the ground underneath Lori shifted. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer, and Lori learned she really wasn’t patient after all. Cancer taught her how to wait. She had to wait for test results to be done. She had to wait for doctors and medical personnel to do their work. She had to wait for her husband’s strength to return after each agonizing round of chemotherapy or radiation. She had to wait for hope to return after each setback.

When it became clear he would not revcover, Lori had a decision to make.

Before, Lori had always traded time for results. Now, the only result time would yield was the loss of her husband. Before, Lori couldn’t wait for life to move fast enough. Now, all she wanted to do was slow it down. Before whatever was happening right now in Lori’s life was overshadowed by what could or would happen in the future, with what needed to be done. Lori’s life before was a relentless race from the now to the next.

With the next thing being the impending death of her husband, Lori’s life came to an abrupt halt.

She cut back at work so she could spend more time with him. As a result, she spent more time with her children, who desperately needed her. It was impossible for her to stop the clock, to slow the progression of the disease, to keep her husband alive longer. So instead, Lori learned to wring every possible drop of value and joy out of each moment they were together. She stopped being resentful of time and began to live within it.

Lori had always lived impatiently for what she wanted. Now, she learned to live patiently for what she didn’t.

Source: Chapter 8, “God Provides Patience” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc

Tags: , , ,
Posted in God, Gotta Have It! | No Comments »

Our Need for Control: Teri’s Story

Thursday, September 9th, 2010

There is a wide difference between control and self-control. Many of us would admit to a desire for control in our lives and in fact have developed patterns and behaviors to attempt to achieve it. We’re not as diligent, however, when it comes to incubating an environment as amenable to self-control.

One of the reasons we want to have control globally is to let ourselves off the hook personally where self-control is involved: “If I can control the things and people around me, it makes it less imperative for me to control myself.”

Control is a fascinating and frustrating paradox, especially in my line of work. The paradox I see comes when people start out engaging in some sort of behavior (including excessities) in an attempt to bring a sense of order and control into their lives. There comes a point, however, when the hunter becomes the hunted and the Gotta Have It! turns on them.

The very thing they invited into their lives to bring control now controls them.

TERI’S STORY

Teri thought she was an independent woman, but even in adulthood she lived in the shadows of her mother’s angst. Teri’s mother, preoccupied with her own weight issues, began to transfer that anxiety onto Teri as a child. It wasn’t enough that her mother measured and fretted over everything she ate — she wanted to include Teri in her swirl of perpetual dieting, calorie counting, and nutrient mapping.

Somewhere around 11 or 12 years old, Teri decided to take control of her life.

She figured out she didn’t have a lot of ground to work with, given she was still living at home under her parents’ strict rules. But, being an inventive adolescent, she began to find ways to assert herself.

Teri rebelled by refusing to eat in her mother’s presence whenever possible. It wasn’t really that hard to do.

Her mother was so busy getting ready for work in the morning that she never bothered to eat breakfast and rarely ventured into the kitchen for more than a hurried cup of coffee. Lunch was easy; Teri ate at school. Most evenings either she had things going on, or her mother did, so dinner together rarely coincided. On the weekends, she could usually get out of at least one evening meal by going to a friend’s house. Sundays were the hardest because it meant a meal after church together, but Teri had gotten very good at eating slowly and pushing the food around her plate, outlasting her mother, who never seemed very comfortable at the dinner table.

Away from her mother, Teri ate whatever she wanted, in whatever quantity suited her. She relished eating the kinds of foods she knew her mother would cringe at — either because she would never consider eating them or because Teri suspected her mother really longed to eat them.

Eating on her own, her way, became Teri’s declaration of independence.

This worked pretty well through middle school, but in high school, things changed. Even though her mother rarely saw her eat, the effect of what she ate started to show. Teri began to gain weight. Comments from her mother expanded from what she ate to how she looked.

One night while staying at a friend’s house, Teri complained about this unwanted level of scrutiny. In the dark and quiet privacy of her friend’s bedroom, Teri shared that she wanted to lose weight but was finding it hard. Then her friend described a way she could eat whatever she wanted and not gain weight. This was just what Teri was looking for. It seemed a fair trade — learning how and when to vomit up her food in order to still get to eat it.

Now she could eat what she wanted and not have to deal with all the disadvantges of weight gain. She could still be in control.

Like so many others, Teri came to work with me after being bulimic over half her life. She wanted to stop but couldn’t. She no longer had to force herself to vomit; instead, her stomach tended to heave up its contents without conscious effort. Teri admitted, “My life is out of control.”

What started out as a way for a teenager to take control ended up controlling her life as an adult.

I recongize that most of you reading Teri’s story probably won’t identify with the bulimia aspect. However, most of you should be able to connect to the control aspect.

Maybe you haven’t lost control to bulimia in your life. Maybe it’s alcohol. Maybe it’s acquiring stuff. Maybe it’s cigarettes or prescription drugs. Maybe you can connect with the eating part of Teri’s story. You started out doing whatever it is as a way to declare your independence, as a way to say you were perfectly capable of making your own choices, thank you very much. Somewhere, however, those choices turned into excessities and turned the tables on control. You thought that by choosing them you were exerting control over your life. Little did you know that you’d end up dependent upon them and that they’d control you.

Source: Chapter 7, “Our Need for Control” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Eating disorders, Gotta Have It! | No Comments »

How to Claim Validation, Your Gift from God [2 of 2]

Monday, September 6th, 2010

There are times when it seems we have to stand alone and shout out our value to a deaf world. Those around us who should have joined in the chorus with loud and enthusiastic voices are either silent or murmuring a negative undercurrent. So often this happens when we’re most vulnerable — as children.

We take the silence of our parents or trusted adults as proof we are not worthy or special. We listen to their murmurs and turn up the volume until that din is all we can hear. Yet, deep in our hearts, we know this isn’t true; we know deep in our hearts this is somehow wrong and unfair.

Sometimes we are taught that it’s wrong to validate ourselves. Maybe you’ve been taught it’s boastful or prideful to love yourself. I remember sitting in Bible classes as a child and learning I was supposed to love myself last on a list that went something like God, others, self. It was as if there was only so much love to go around and you weren’t supposed to hoard it for yourself but rather give up your supply of love for everyone else. If you had any left over for yourself it was because you hadn’t given up enough to God or others.

I believe this is faulty reasoning. After all, doesn’t God say that you are to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18)? Galatians 5:14 says that the entire law of God is summed up in that single command. And didn’t Paul in Ephesians 5:28-29 say that a man was to love his wife like he loved his own body, in the same way Christ loves His Church?

It seems to me that loving yourself is a fundamental principle of God. Loving yourself is not supposed to be subservient to the love of others; love of  self is the basis for love in others. This is why it is so important to be able to validate yourself as a person, created and loved by God, with intrinsic value and worth just for who you are.

Validation isn’t something to be earned; it is something to be claimed.

As an adult, I know that love isn’t a finite quantity. Love has no more boundaries and limitations than God does because God is love (1 John 4:8). Love is like the living water Jesus talked about to the woman at the well in John 4. There is an endless supply with plenty to go around.

Please know that God joins you in your validation. He’s the author of your worth and value, so why shouldn’t He shout it out with you? In The Message, Eugene Person translates Psalm 37:5-6 this way: “Open up before God, keep nothing back; he’ll do whatever needs to be done. He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon.”

RECOGNIZE, ILLUSTRATE, AND ESTABLISH SELF-WORTH

We’ve talked about recognizing your worth as a person. That’s just one of the components of validation. Validation also means to illustrate and establish.

Your actions to yourself illustrate your sense of self-worth. What you say is one thing; what you do is another. How you treat yourself, the attitudes you have about yourself, the forgivenss you show yourself, the love you have for yourself illustrate what is really true.

Once you recognize your value as a person, your need for the cheap clanging of outside excessities will fade. You need to illustrate the knowledge through action.

Source: Chapter 6, “Our Need for Validation” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Gotta Have It!, Self-Esteem | No Comments »

How to Claim Validation, Your Gift from God [1 of 2]

Saturday, September 4th, 2010

People who lack validation in their lives fail to understand their own value and worth. Without validation, it is difficult to have a concept of self-worth. Without an understanding of intrinsic value, a person will often look outside of self to find that validation. Instead of looking inside to anchor your belief in your value as a person, you hook that belief to the passing whims of circumstance, culture, and conditions.

Your belief in your value as a person can be ripped from you, leaving you grasping for the next handhold to come along. This was Megan’s life. Her hold on self-worth was only as strong as whatever relationship she was in. When that relationship ended, her sense of value as a person evaporated, leaving her frantic and desperate to begin another relationship. Within any relationship she had, she kept looking to the wrong party to anchor her sense of self.

She chose the person who always left instead of the person who was always there — Megan herself.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking your worth as a person comes from what you do instead of who you are. It is also easy to see your worth as being reflected off others instead of shining out from inside. When you allow other people or outside situations to provide your validation, you make yourself hostage to them.

When we validate ourselves, we recognize our worth. Notice I didn’t say we generate our worth or create our worth or cause our worth. Each of us has a worth, a value that we did not generate, create, or cause for ourselves. This value is inherent in us as people; this value is a gift from God.

IT’S WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU DO

Each person is unique, looked over and loved by God. One of my favorite psalms in Scripture is Psalm 139 because it speaks of the intimate and loving relationship God has with each one of us. God knows us as individuals, not just as an anonymous blob in the mass of humanity. He knows nour name and everything about us.

Jesus in Luke 12:6-7 explains that we have great value to God and that “the very hairs of [our heads] are all numbered” (v.7). Do you know yourself well enough to know how many hairs you have at any given time? This may seem like rhetorical hyperbole, but it is meant to illustrate that God, your loving Father, knows who you are.

God knows you and loves you, as you. Your value and worth as a person do not derive from what you do or who you’re in a relationship with. It doesn’t spring out of how much money you make or how attractive you are or how many times you can get an answer right. Your value is deeply rooted in your identity in God.

Genesis 1:27 clearly says that God made you in His image. You are, as Psalm 139:14 says, “fearfully and wonderfully made.” This isn’t talking about that part of you that comes directly from God, who verse 13 says crafted your creation.

God made you who you are and loves you for who you are. This is the bedrock foundati0n for self-worth. This is self-worth anchored in God; this is your special identity safe and protected in God’s hands. You can validate yourself by recognizing your worth in Him.

Source: Chapter 6, “Our Need for Validation” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Gotta Have It!, Self-Esteem | No Comments »

Our Need for Validation: Megan’s Story

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. ~Psalms 22:6-7

We long to be validated. If you grew up without validation, you look at the passage above and understand deep down those terrible words.  You have felt like a worm, scorned and despised. You have been mocked, insulted and dismissed in life. You have ached over the universal need to feel validated as a person. When others denied you this, you may have tried to validate yourself using external activities. When externals are used for self-validation, they often turn into ravenous excessities.

MEGAN’S STORY

Growing up, Megan was always trying to live up to the expectations of her parents. It wasn’t that they were outwardly abusive; it was just that no matter what she did, she never quite measured up to their standards. Even if she came home with a good grade on a paper, project, or report, there was always a little bit more she should have done.

When she went clothes shopping with her mother Megan always felt diminished. She could remember putting on a new dress or shirt in the dressing room and feeling on top of the world until her mother looked her over. The reaction was always thoughtful and critical, as her mother tried to decide if her deficiencies were less than the cost of the garmet.

It was the same story when she got her hair cut. Her mother would stand next to the stylist, pointing out all of the problems, from frizzy, unruly hair to double cowlicks. Together, they w0uld poke at her head and pull at her hair, frowning and discussing her shortcomings as if she wasn’t sitting right there.

When they visited her grandparents or extended family, both of her parents were open and verbal about how well she was almost doing. It was as if they just couldn’t say something nice — period — but had to throw in a distasteful tidbit that called any genuine praise into question. They talked about her behavior, her body, her schoolwork. When she got older, they threw in her friends, boyfriends, goals, and plans in life.

At some point, Megan stopped sharing anything of significance with her parents altogether. Outwardly, she was compliant and obedient, divulging just enough details about her life to give them daily fodder for discussion without exposing herself to any meaningful scrutiny.

It was at this point Megan turned to other people for validation. Finding little — and none that was untainted — at home, her peers became paramount. There wasn’t anything Megan wouldn’t do to be “included” in middle school. She learned to alter her personality depending upon which group she was with, becoming a chameleon of sorts. Her true self she hid away, taking it out sporadically and only when she felt really safe with those one or two friends she could trust.

Her sophomore year in high school, Megan tried sex as a way to achieve validation. Once she got over the inital terror and humiliation of it, she began to realize she had a power to make herself valuable.

In college, she invariably was drawn to partners who were analytical and critical like her parents. She kept hoping she could get one of them to love her unconditionally but found herself disappointed. Through numerous relationships and a failed marriage, she was still trying. And the more she tried, the worse she felt about herself.

Source: Chapter 6, “Our Need for Validation” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 

Tags:
Posted in Gotta Have It! | No Comments »

Fame, Status, Success: Real or Imagined?

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

There is a corollary to money and power that I have seen people cling to as a way to security. It is the desire for fame, status or success as a bulwark against feelings of marginalization and lack of self-esteem. These people often feel that they are outside the rules that control the rest of society.

Special status bestowed by others is precarious because it is usually based upon the current popular culture.

Popular culture is not stable. There was a time when politicians had status; now they are thought of more as infamous than famous. There was a time when the bankers on Wall Street with million-dollar bonsues were looked upon with something akin to reverence; now it’s more like revulsion. The special people in a society can change overnight.

 When the winds shift and you’re not considered special anymore, your world can come crashing down. Just ask past-their-prime athletes, last year’s beautiful people, or former child-star actors relegated to third-rate reality shows.

I have known a few people who were famous because of their achievements or position. I have known far more people who assigned themselves their own special status. Often they considered themselves to be special and outside of the rules, not so much because of what they had but because of what they didn’t have.

This is not popularitity through the positive but notoriety through the negative.

Their special status was because “no one else has suffered like I have” or “I am owed because of what I’ve lacked in my life” or “because of what I’ve suffered I can’t be held responsible.” This attitude produces a sense of entitlement. Yet this sense of entitlement isn’t bestowed upon the person by popular consensus. Rather, it is that person who has elevated himself or herself to a special status.

When you have declared yourself special and demand special treatment because of it, you create a false sense of security. After all, you are in control because you have declared yourself the sole artiber of your specialness. The instability of this platform arises because others may not be of the same opinion. They may interpret your specialness as rude, aggressive, argumentative, insensitive, arrogant, or unrealistic. The more you loudly demand your specialness, the deeper their negative reaction is driven. The more you demand to live outside the rules, the more others may desire for you to simply live outside of their proximity.

It is seductive to want to live outside of the rules and the natural consequences of life. Rules so often have to do with limits and restrictions. Natural consequences can seem harsh and unfair. The Gotta Have It! of claiming a special status yells out, “That doesn’t apply to me!”

When we get to avoid the rules of others and make up our own rules, we feel a sense of control over our world. When we are in control, we feel more secure.

Source: Chapter 5, “Our Need for Security” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 
30-DAY BOOK GIVEAWAY
If you would like to receive a free copy of Gotta Have It!, share your thoughts about this book excerpt in the comments section of this blog post. Or share your thoughts on Dr. Jantz’s Facebook page or in a Twitter update mentioning @gregoryjantzphd.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Gotta Have It!, Self-Esteem | No Comments »

In Money We Trust? What the Bible Says About Wealth

Saturday, August 28th, 2010

“In God We Trust” has been engraved on our coins since 1864. Somewhere in the intervening years, however, it seems we’ve shifted from trust in God to trust in the coin itself. This isn’t a recent phenomenon; it’s been happening for a long time.

King Solomon, in his book of wisdom known as Proverbs, puts it this way:

“The wealth of the rich is their fortified city; they imagine it an unscalable wall” (Prov. 18:11).

There are many people today for whom wealth is their unscalable wall. They truly believe if they acquire enough of it, build up a high enough wall of it, the cares and concerns of the world will not be able to climb over. The problem, of course, lies in the fact that cares and concerns have very creative ways of mounting siege ramps against the walls of wealth and breach even the highest parapets. Insecurities also find ways to tunnel under the strongest edifices.

Money, quite simply, is not a secure thing to put your trust in. Again, from Proverbs:

“Do not wear yourself out to get riches, and have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle” (23:4-5).

Money is a fluid, dynamic entity, and its worth is based upon factors out of the control of most people. A person’s wealth can be made and lost within a single year.

How many people have won millions of dollars on a lottery one year, only to wind up losing it all within a short span of time? How many people put their trust in the wealth they committed to Bernie Madoff, only to lose every cent in his billion-dollar Ponzi scheme? Money is not an appropriate place to look for security.

Money can be made and even more money made … and still not enough. This is especially true if money and acquiring money have become an excessity.

Revisit the Solomon quote in Ecclesiastes:

“Whoever loves money, never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless” (Eccl. 5:10).

Solomon was the wealthiest person of his day, above all the other kings on earth. He was incredibly wealthy and incredibly wise. He knew that wealth and acquiring wealth can become a black-hole, Gotta Have It! excessity. Perceiving money as security can create an obsession with money and the things money can buy. And because money can, quite frankly, buy a great deal, there is a tendency to assign it more power than it’s due; there is a tendency to trust it more than is wise.

Money is not permanent because it can be lost in a blink of an eye (or in the crash of the stock market, or in the devaluation of currency, or through theft or malfeasance or cooked books). It is not permanent in the here and now, and it’s absolutely irrelevant in the hereafter. Money can get you some tract when you’re alive, but it is useless to you when you’re dead:

“Do not be overawed when a man grows rich, when the splendor of his house increases; for he will take nothing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him” (Ps. 49:16-17).

In cruder, present-day language: The hearse doesn’t come with a trailer.

Money promises to provide security, but it often creates the opposite:

“A man’s riches may ransom his life, but a poor man hears no threat” (Prov. 13:8).

The more stock you set in the things you have, including money and things money can buy, the greater the threat of losing it all. Those who have much have much to lose. Those with little, sleep under a lesser threat of loss and can feel more secure.

Money can be a source of security, but it can also be a source of heartburn:

“The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep” (Eccl. 5:12).

If you put all your security eggs in the money basket, then you must perpetually worry about eggs breaking and losing both.

Source: Chapter 5, “Our Need for Security” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 
30-DAY BOOK GIVEAWAY
If you would like to receive a free copy of Gotta Have It!, share your thoughts about this book excerpt in the comments section of this blog post. Or share your thoughts on Dr. Jantz’s Facebook page or in a Twitter update mentioning @gregoryjantzphd.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bible, God, Gotta Have It!, Proverbs | No Comments »

The Security Blanket of Youth: Craig’s Story

Thursday, August 26th, 2010

Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help, who rely on horses, who trust in the multitude of their chariots and in the great strength of their horsemen, but do not look to the Holy One of Israsel, or seek help from the Lord. (Isaiah 31:1)

I haven’t put in a call to Egypt lately or enlarged my garage to fit a chariot, but I can still relate to this Isaiah verse. In the search for security, all of us run toward our perceived protection. The less secure we feel, the faster we run and the tighter we cling. Like a two-year-old with a blankie, letting go just doesn’t seem to be an option.

CRAIG’S STORY

Craig didn’t like getting older. It messed with the mental picture he had of himself as perpetually in his early twenties. That was when he felt the most vital, the most alive, the most in control of his world. He could hit a drive like Phil and a jump shot like Kobe. He’d been single in his early twenties, without family obligations and responsibilities like he had now. Craig wanted to stay suspended in that moment in time, even though the earth kept revolving underneath him and time marched on.

He joined a variety of gyms over the years and used all of them to tell himself he’d get fit soon.

He kept buying costly golf clubs, sure that the next expensive innovation with the titanium shaft and computer-designed “sweet spot” was just the one to do the trick and give him back his edge.

Craig bought a low-slung, high-octane sports car that he took out of the garage whenever the sun was out and his wife was gone.

Always on the lookout for the next big financial deal, he lost track of the money he’d “invested” over the years, so sure the next one would prove once and for all his business acumen. W

henever he had the opportunity and — according to his wife — sometimes when he didn’t, he chose to dress like someone 15 years younger. He knew the places to shop where the latest urban styles were “upsized” to fit more mature physiques.

His friends were of two different sets: a younger group of men, generally golfing or basketball buddies, who made him feel as though he had shed years if not pounds — and an older set, generally business acquaintances, whose greater age always cemented his status as Craig the Younger.

Craig had few friends or even significant acquaintances his own age. He didn’t really feel comfortable with men his own age. Instead, he liked younger men because that’s how he saw himself, and older men because they always seemed to have something to offer.

Craig made sure he had all the latest gadgets so popular with the younger set. If he heard about something one week, he made sure to buy it the next. This caused his wife to roll her eyes and bemoan one more “whatever,” but Craig figured that it was his money and that he had a right to spend it on whatever he wanted.

What he really wanted was to be considered relevant and young. If spending a few hundred dollars, or often more, could achieve that feeling, well, it was a bargain. The younger guys were jealous of what he could buy because they knew what it was, and the older guys were impressed because they didn’t. Either way, it put Craig in the driver’s seat, just like he was twentysomething all over again.

Source: Chapter 5, “Our Need for Security” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 
30-DAY BOOK GIVEAWAY
If you would like to receive a free copy of Gotta Have It!, share your thoughts about this book excerpt in the comments section of this blog post. Or share your thoughts on Dr. Jantz’s Facebook page or in a Twitter update mentioning @gregoryjantzphd.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Gotta Have It! | No Comments »

Praying for Peace Over Anxiety

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Anxiety is fear, worry and apprehension all rolled into one. It is an overwhelming belief that the worst is coming and that you absolutely are not prepared to handle it. Anxiety produces panic and dread.

The feelings of doom and disaster are so real, it can prompt you to run toward destructive behaviors as the lesser of two evils. In this case, the excessity functions not so much to produce pleasure as to throw up a buffer against those feelings of anxiety. As such, the excessity is given carte blanche; it is ceded a great deal of latitude and power because of the desperation and fear of the anxiety.

When you experience anxiety, God does not want you running to an excessity; He wants you running to Him. The verse that started this chapter says that you and I are not to be anxious about anything but that in everything, by prayer and petition, we are to tell God what we need to deal with our anxiety. This verse is amazing in its all-encompassing nature with its use of the words anything and everything.

God knows that only He is able to counter the power that anxiety can exert over our lives.

If you are anxious, you are to give it over to God completely, totally, without reserve. You are also to adjust your thinking from being anxious to being grateful, which is quite a shift! Being grateful, however, is a very useful tool because it forces you to concentrate on the good things instead of the bad.

Anxiety scoops up any possible bad thing, with the cyclonic power of an emotional whirlwind, and sends you spinning wildly out of control. Gratitude, however, is an anchor, tethering you to God through a remembrance and acknowledgement of the good things. Gratitude also redirects your thinking away from all the thing you can’t control, toward all of the things God can.

Anxiety, in my experience, is like a runaway train. The longer it goes uncontrolled, the more speed it picks up…until it is screaming down the track of your thoughts, pushing anything and everything else out of its way. Only God, through the divine communion found in prayer, through His Spirit, is able to slow that train down and put your thoughts back on proper track.

Prayer allows your mind to rest, to surrender over to God instead of surrendering to the panic. When you do this, God promises that He will give you His peace. Peace and panic cannot exist in the same space. They are mutually exclusive.

Peace is the true antidote for anxiety, not a cover-it-over, just make-it-all-go-away Gotta Have It! excessity.

Source: Chapter 4, “Our Need for Reassurance” in Gotta Have It! by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, Inc
 
30-DAY BOOK GIVEAWAY
If you would like to receive a free copy of Gotta Have It!, share your thoughts about this book excerpt in the comments section of this blog post. Or share your thoughts on Dr. Jantz’s Facebook page or in a Twitter update mentioning @gregoryjantzphd.

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Gotta Have It!, Prayer | 1 Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »