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Waiting in Hope

Friday, May 21st, 2010

Mike lives in a body distorted by cerebral palsy. His mind is fine; he’s intelligent and engaging and has a wonderful sense of humor. But his body twists and turns in upon itself with random jerks and contortions. When asked what he hopes for, Mike says, “A new body.” He doesn’t really say it because Mike is not able to speak. Instead, his clubbed hand with outstretched thumb must jab at a word pad. After Mike labors for a stretch of time, a disembodied mechancial voice says, “A new body.”

How do you wait in hope when what you hope for is not possible in this world?

For some of you with physical impairments, disabilities, or disease, complete physical healing will not come this side of heaven. In the midst of this truth, God must still be sufficient.

Mike longs for a new body, and he has been promised one, but he has longer to wait. Even knowing his suffering, Mike would join to tell you the words of Psalm 33:20-21: “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and shield. Our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name.”

Mike, living daily in physical suffering, would say to us, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer” (Romans 12:12).

In truth, with the pain and suffering of sin and death, this world is never going to be a place of ultimate healing. That realm is reserved for heaven, where it is said that God “…will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

In the meantime, however, God has promised to be with us. He has given us his Son. He has given us his Spirit. He has provisions to comfort us through the love, lives, and examples of other people. God lives. Hope lives. “And hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us” (Romans 5:5).

In some ways, I wish I could tell you that your current suffering is your last suffering. This simply isn’t true. What I can tell you is that God is able to sustain you through your suffering and help you find your way to healing. It may not be the complete healing of heaven, but it will be sufficient for now in this world. And each time you successfully navigate your way through suffering to healing, it will be easier to find the path the next time. For there will be a next time, and a time after that. And each time, God will be with you.

Look for God in the rainbow, in the comfort of others, in the example of Jesus, in the whisper of your prayers, in the certainty of his Word, in the presence of his Spirit, and in the touch of his love.

SOURCE: Chapter 8: “Vision,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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SOAR Support Checklist

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Our families today are under attack on so many different fronts. Your commitment to implement changes, and to recommit to doing better for your family’s sake are all buffers against the tide of destruction lapping at the shores of the family unit. As irresistible as those forces seem, I wanted to remind you, through the verse below, of the power of God and the power of promise:

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. ~Proverbs 22:6

God is a mighty warrior when it comes to protecting and guiding your family! We must communicate to our children their internal worth in God.

As a way to provide you with a quick reference for major concepts I have covered in this blog series of excerpts from Healthy Habits, Happy Kids, I’ve put together a checklist of support regarding the SOAR concept. As you read it, you’ll have a way to evaluate how you and your family are doing. Each will come in a form of a statement. As you read each statement, personally evaluate the truth in your own life.

Commit to living out these statements in the life of your family:

  • I motivate my family to change out of love for them.
  • I am committed to providing my family with the stability of my love through changes.
  • I accept each family member’s pace of change, understanding that even slow pace is progress toward our goals.
  • I expect the best from each member of my family every day.
  • Understanding my own issues, I make sure to examine my motivations.
  • I provide positive verbal support to each member of my family.
  • I visualize these changes as permanent.
  • Through prayer, personal study, meditation, nd godly friends, I plug into God’s support for me and my family.

SOURCE: Chapter 11, “Staying On Course,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healing: Here Comes the Sun

Friday, May 14th, 2010

Please know that it is God’s desire for you to experience healing.

Whether your trials are physical, emotional, or spiritual, you are not alone. God is with you. Charles Swindoll, in Hope Again, says something that really hits home: “No matter how dark the clouds, the sun will eventually pierce the darkness and dispel it; no matter how heavy the rain, the sun will ultimately prevail to hang a rainbow in the sky.”

Living in the Pacific Northwest, I have seen incredible rainbows. Double bows of vibrant, sky-arching color bursting forth at the merest hint of sun after a violent rain. I see them, and I smile, for I believe in their promise. I believe in their confirmation of a loving God who announces the sun after the rain with such celebration! Do you know that God wants you to experience the same celebration of healing in your life? The same touch of the sun after the rain? From the dreariness and darkness of your pain, God wants to send forth his rainbow of healing and bring you joy so you can be a witness to the world of his love and power.

For those wearied by the burden of suffering, listen to these promises:

Psalm 30:5: “Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

God in no way seeks to minimize your pain. He recognizes that in this world there will be weeping. It is his desire, however, to hedge that pain within a specific time frame and follow it with joy. Depending upon the source of your pain, your healing journey may be longer or shorter than another healing journey. But please know that God has joy for you at the end. Please, keep going. Please, keep moving toward healing!

Your destination awaits; it is not in doubt if you only will keep moving forward.

Proverbs 23:18: “Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”

In the midst of pain, it can feel as if your hope has been cut off. You’re so sure you’ll never feel anything like joy again. This is not true as this verse clearly states. There is not merely a future hope for you, there is surely a future hope for you! God has promised that he will not allow that hope to be cut off. And who is more powerful than God?

Once promised to you, who can take your hope away from you? No one but yourself by failing to claim it.

Job 11:17-18: “Your life will be brighter than the noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. And you will have confidence, because there is hope; you will be protected and take your rest in safety.” Because there is hope, your future is secure. Even Job, the example of ultimate suffering, could say these words. If he can, so can you.

SOURCE: Chapter 8: “Vision,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healthy Living: Staying On Course

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Each child is a whole person, created by God to be an emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual being. When these aspects are addressed, your child truly can SOAR! You can do this — in small and large ways, day by day, you can do this! You needn’t do it perfectly, but you should do it consistently.

As your family makes baby steps, walk right with them. Take those steps yourself and recognize you’re in it together.

Above all, continue to communicate your love and support — through your words, actions, your commitment. Lead your family where you want them to go. Embody the qualities you want them to exhibit. You truly have more power for good than you imagine.

Remember the true source of that power for good: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:20-21). Yes, God’s power is immeasurable; he is able to do more than all we ask or imagine. So start imagining a healthier life for your family! Keep asking him for guidance and help. Allow his power to be at work within you as you work with your family.

Give all glory to Jesus for positive changes nin your life:

Dear Father, I give you praise for your power to change lives for the better. Be with me each day as this family I love becomes even healthier than it is today. I thank you for your vision of hope, and I acknowledge all the good you have done. When I falter, sustain me. When I stumble, pick me up. When I achieve, accept my praise. In failure and in victory, help me to stay the course and allow my family to SOAR! Amen.

SOURCE: Chapter 11, “Staying On Course,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Renewing Your Spiritual Connections

Monday, May 10th, 2010

Sunday morning. Great. Time to go to church, and I’m fresh out of excuses.

I used “not feeling well” last week and “out of town” three weeks ago. If I don’t show up today, it’ll be two Sundays in a row, and someone will probably call or want to come over. But if I don’t want to go to church on Sunday, I certainly don’t want to talk about why to someone from the visitation committee during the week. So I’ll just go — a little late and leave as soon as it’s done. I won’t show up on any list that way.

Okay, so I’m going, but I’m not dressing up. They should be happy I’m there at all.

Happy. Yeah, they’ll be happy. We’ll sing about joy, and they’ll smile and laugh. If I keep a frown on my own face and pretend I’m rummaging through my purse, I can probably get out of there without anyone coming up to me after services. Happy people don’t know what to do with a frown.

It’s not that I’m mad at them. It’s not their fault I feel this way. It’s just so hard to sit or stand in the pew and sing about joy when I don’t have any myself.

I can’t remember the last time I felt joy. I thought when I became a Christian, I was supposed to become joyful, as though God was going to wave a magic wand over me, causing all doubt and fear and loneliness and unhappiness to go away.

Well, if he did, it didn’t work. I’m still unhappy, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone.

What’s the deal? Where is God in all this?

FINDING THE CONNECTION

God-talk will support your positive self-talk by agreeing with affirming statements, such as:

  • I deserve love.
  • I deserve joy.
  • I am strong enough to learn and grow each day.
  • I can experience contentment in my life.
  • I am able to respond to my circumstances instead of react.
  • I can look forward to tomorrow.

To each of these, God adds his response:

I deserve love: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

I deserve joy: “Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away” (Isaiah 51:11).

I am strong enough to learn and grow each day: “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” (2 Samuel 22:33).

I can experience contentment in my life: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12).

I am able to respond to my circumstances instead of react: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

I can look forward to tomorrow: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).

SOURCE: Chapter 9, “Renewing Your Spiritual Connections,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healthy Living: Strength from Above

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

Our greatest “reinforcement” is not far from us — God is forever at hand. Psalm 16:8 says, “I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” It does not say that the world will not be shaken; rather, it says that I will not be shaken. On this side of heaven, that is often all we can hope for. God has promised it will be sufficient.

If you face difficult circumstances, you may not be able to see great leaps of progress or frequent milestones. Your efforts will require longer amounts of time, increased patience, decreased personal freedom, delayed gratification, and little appreciation for your efforts. With an acceptance of this reality, you become more like God, who since the fall experiences daily these constraints where we, his children are concerned:

  • We require greater amounts of time. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).
  • He must show us infinite patience. “What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath — prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory? (Romans 9:22-23).
  • He allows us to affect his plans. “So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said He would do to His people” (Exodus 32:14).
  • He must wait for the fruition of his plans. “But in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe (Hebrews 1:2).

Because God knows about and understands dealing with difficult situations and challenging children, he will bless you in your efforts. He will give you strength for each battle. He will grant you his Spirit of patience sufficient for each day. He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. If all of these sound on some days like hollow platitudes, remember what God deals with on a daily basis. This is not so you will try to compare yourself to God; rather, it is so you will understand the source of his empathy and recognize his power to empower you.

You are not alone. Your children and family are not yours alone. Have faith through your special circumstances that God is able to triumph. Keep praying. Keep working. Keep believing. Keep watching. May his blessings pour down upon you and your family like rain.

SOURCE: Chapter 10, “SOAR-ing Above Special Circumstances,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healthy Relationships: Refilling Your Bucket

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Sometimes unhealthy relationships need to be severed or severely restricted. While this can be perceived as another loss, it is also an opportunity. It is an opportunity to seek out a healthy, beneficial relationship to take its place. Don’t be in a hurry. Allow the relationship to reveal its true nature over time. Be open about the pain in your past and your desire for healing. New friendships are a wonderful time to start fresh, not only with a new person but also with yourself. Each new friendship allows you to rewrite the definition of what it is to be your friend.

Recognize also that there are many types of relationships. There are acquaintances, friendships, romantic connections, and lovers. Depending upon where you are in your healing journey, some may not be wise or suitable. This doesn’t mean you can’t take advantage of the others.

But in all your relationships, God must be the guide.

Ask yourself, “Is this a person God wants me to be in a relationship with? Do the goals of this relationship match God’s goals for me? If God was my earthly parent, is this someone I would take home for him to meet?” Our heavenly relationship must govern our earthly ones. They do not and cannot exist apart from each other. God cares about us, so it matters to him with whom we are spending time. It matters to him how we are treated and how we treat others. It’s put this way in 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship is there between light an darkness?”

In your new relationships, choose people who practice doing right. Choose people who follow the light. If you’re not sure, watch their deeds. Who they are will become evident. If you’re still not sure, ask the Lord for wisdom and guidance. Ask him to reveal the person’s heart to you. Ask God to reveal your own heart.

When we let go and let God guide our relationships, we demonstrate our love for and trust in him.

Within the folds of a God-directed relationship, we are able to mend our broken hearts, exchange companionship for loneliness, and participate in the double blessing of helping others to heal and being healed ourselves. God sends us precious companions on our journey to healing. We were not meant to be alone. God can send each of us to encourage, rebuke, motivate, help, and love another person. Find this type of friend for yourself. Be this type of friend to others.

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Connections,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Community of Suffering: How Sharing Pain Heals Lives

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

When calamity strikes us, it often does so when others around us are living calm lives. Like a tornado that touches down only on a single house in a subdivision, we are struck while everyone else is left standing. We feel marked, singled out, different. Our personal chaos takes place while others continue to live their everyday lives.

The first question we ask is, “Why me?”

RANDI’S STORY

When breast cancer hit at 32, Randi was caught completely off guard. She was young. This wasn’t supposed to happen. When her hair began to fall out from the chemotherapy treatments, she felt strange no matter what she did to hide it. No wig, no hat, no scarf looked right. Angry that nothing seemed to work, she started making excuses for staying at home. If she couldn’t conceal her baldness with a hat outdoors, she’d hide it by staying indoors. And it wasn’t just external things like the hat. It seemed that when she did want to talk about the cancer, the person she was speaking to avoided the subject like the plague. If she didn’t want to talk about it, sure enough, someone would call her up to find out how she was doing. At those times, the sympathy from healthy people was more than she could bear.

Living with deep pain can be an all-encompassing experience. The pain keeps drawing our focus back to itself. Inwardly focused, it’s easy to believe that other people don’t understand what we’re going through. Our pain becomes a badge — a “C” for cancer, a “D” for divorce, an “L” for the loss of a loved one. The pain becomes our identity. So, as we look around at others who wear no such badge, we assume we have nothing in common. We feel alone.

However, suffering is universal. Since many of us choose to suffer in private, we are often completely unaware of the individual paths to healing others have taken. We assume, since others appear normal, that nothing challenging or hurtful has happened to them. If we investigated further, we’d be amazed at the wealth of experience, help, and compassion that’s available through others.

The solution is confession. James tells us that we are to “confess [our] sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that [we] may be healed” (James 5:16). Pain is not necessarily sin, though much of our pain comes because of sin. Yet confession is cleansing.

We need to be open and honest with each other about the pain in our lives. We need to be willing to ask. When asked, we need to be willing to share. We need to be willing to pray for one another. This is the connection that brings healing.

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Connections,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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7 Ways to Instill Faith In Your Children

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

In 1 Timothy 1:2, the apostle Paul acknowledged his role as Timothy’s father in the faith. He did this by allowing Timothy to be privy to the intimate details of his own faith. He wasn’t secretive or restrained but instead openly and honestly demonstrated his faith and encouraged Timothy to emulate the good he saw.

This is your charge for your children.

Be open and honest and encourage your children to emulate the positive in your own life. Be transparent also about the bad, and model to your children how to ask for and accept forgiveness. Your children need the spiritual gifts of prayer life, a study life, a family life, and a life of service in the Lord. Each will be a tremendous spiritual blessing and will fortify your children for the rest of their lives:

1. Through Prayer. Children are natural prayers. The prayer of a child pours out faith, hope, and love: faith in a Father who hears, hope for an answer, and the love of a trusting child.

2. Through the Word. The Bible is active, alive, and effective. Ultimately, you will want to transfer your love and reliance upon Scripture to your child. After all, a time will come when you are no longer accessible to your child; God’s Word lasts forever and is an inexhaustible resource of knowledge, hope, and insight for your child today, tomorrow, and forever.

3. Through a Spiritual Family Life. Take your child to church. Allow your child to be taught by other godly adults and experience the joys of corporate worship. Strengthen your child with the knowledge that he or she is not alone in their faith.

4. Through a Life of Service. Your children need the spiritual gift of a life of service in God. This is your child’s true purpose in life, regardless of what he or she does for job or career or avocation.

5. Overcoming Spiritual Hurt. Unfortunately, some have experienced hurt at the hands of a church or religious group. However, if this has happened to you it is for the good of your child and your family to take steps to move beyond that painful experience and reconnect with a healthy body of believers.

6. Holy Ground. What type of soil are you providing for your child’s spiritual growth? Is it a soil packed down hard, where seeds of faith can hardly take root and are vulnerable to hungry opportunists? Or is it a good soil, rich in spiritual nutrients and cleared of spiritual obstacles, which allow your child’s faith to flower and blossom, to put down deep roots and multiply?

7. Encourage Spiritual Gifts. Think of at least one way you can encourage each one of the following gifts in your life: a prayer life, a study life, a spiritual family life, and a life of service. Make a plan to integrate these into your family life within the next month.

Simply put, in all these areas of responsibility, you set up the pattern for your child. Scripture even promises, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Prov. 22:6).

Your child needs to internalize this good news that his life has meaning and purpose in God’s kingdom.

SOURCE: Chapter 9, “R is for Responsible for My Faith,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Connections: The Healing Touch of Relationships

Friday, April 16th, 2010

What happens when you get your hand too close to a flame? Instantly, you draw your hand back. It’s immediate. It’s reactive. You get as far away from the source of the pain as you can. This reaction to physical pain is natural. And it also can be our reaction to emotional pain.

When emotionally wounded, we tend to draw back into ourselves. We become suspicious of other people. We even become suspicious of our own motives and decisions. And so, we withdraw from people.

As a result, left alone in our pain, we are cut off from the healing touch that comes from our relationships.

In the first book of the Bible, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2″18). He was speaking in the context of the marriage relationship, but our need for connection is there, outside of marriage as well. We need extended family and good friends. Our connection to other people builds a closely knit community, and within the context of community, we are able to provide for the needs of others and to receive help for our own needs.

Why is it that just when we need people the most, we tend to withdraw ourselves? I believe there are several reasons, which either individually or in combination reinforce our belief that it’s better for us to be alone with our pain:

  • We think others won’t understand what we’re going through
  • We’re distrustful of others because of what we’ve suffered
  • We’re unwilling to forgive those who have added to our pain
  • We’re so depleted that we think we have nothing to give to another person
  • We don’t believe we deserve to be loved again

In each of the beliefs above, there is an element of truth. Yet it is only partial truth. Let’s look at each of these beliefs, expanding our understanding so we can see them from a broader perspective. Ultimately, the truth is that we need others. If we are not able to embrace that truth, we sentence ourselves to the torment of solitary confinement. Invariably, we hurt ourselves even more.

SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Connections,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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