Archive for the ‘Bible’ Category
Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
When you intentionally grab hold of and fill your mind with good things like optimism, hope, and joy instead of bad things like anger and bitterness, you are able to change the content of your life. This can be a wonderful and frightening prospect. It is wonderful to consider being different from who you’ve been. It can also be frightening if you aren’t sure if this new person you’ll become will be safe.
Anger, rage, bitterness, and resentment are powerful and can take over who you are. They can warp who you are. They can become who you are and overshadow how you feel. Again, what kind of person do you really want to be?
Jesus said in Luke:
No good trees bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. ~Luke 6:43-45
SOURCE: Chapter 11: “Living the Power of Optimism, Hope, and Joy” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, hope, joy, Luke, optimism, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Thursday, January 21st, 2010
If you’ve been following this blog or my Twitter and Facebook pages you know my focus over the past couple of months has been on the subject of anger management — specifically anger management for women. So I am excited to announce that this Saturday, January 23, Janet Parshall is welcoming me as a guest to discuss this very subject on her syndicated radio show, “Talking It Over,” which airs on 1,100 radio stations nationwide.
What I have discovered in my work at The Center is that both hidden and vented anger lie at the heart of numerous challenges women face on a daily basis, from stress and depression, to addictions and eating disorders. In fact, it is such a prevalent problem that I devoted an entire book to the subject, Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger, with stories and research from which I will draw for Saturday’s show.
“Talking It Over” is a 2-hour program that examines today’s most pressing issues from a biblical perspective.
I’ll be talking with Janet the first 60 minutes of the show specifically about:
- How women deal with anger differently than men
- How women can discover and address the roots causes of anger
- How anger contributes to unfulfilled desires among women
Pastor Bill Perkins will talk with Janet the second half of the show, focused on:
- How you can be a good man and still get angry
- How mens’ core issues differ from womens’
- How we can take a cue from scripture and “be slow to anger”
You can listen live to “Talking It Over” on Saturday at 9 am (PT).
New Year Book Giveaway: Request your free signed, personalized copy of Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger
Tags: Anger, anger management, Bill Perkins, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, Janet Parshall, men, Talking It Over, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, women
Posted in Anger, Bible, God | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
Perfectionism can be a difficult mind-set to release because it can appear so right.
Attempting to achieve perfection can feel so righteous, as Paul talks about in Phillippians 3:9, speaking of his own quest. It can be tempting to forget the “therefore” and just seek to bring about the words of Jesus on your own: be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. There’s just that problem of the “therefore.” Because of your imperfection, your attempts to attain perfection on your own will always be imperfect.
You may believe your anger is perfect; it may be the one thing you are absolutely sure about and, thus, unwilling to give up. This surety may allow you to feel justified in being angry and in determining how that anger is manifested in your life. But remember the caveat about your anger in James 1:19-20, where he says:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Anger, no matter how right it feels, does not produce righteousness.
SOURCE: Chapter 9: “Learning the Power of Acceptance” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, angry, James 1:19, Jesus, Perfection, Phillippians, Phillippians 3:9
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Thursday, January 7th, 2010
Proverbs 26:21 — “As coal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.”
It is helpful to know you are not the only person in the world. Others are also hurt and carry the scars of their pain. In other words, there is an overabundance of fuel in this world to fan the flames of anger within relationships.
An old saying is that it takes two to tango. If you insist on being a quarrelsome person, you will find a willing partner; you are sure to find plenty of opportunity to kindle strife.
If you have developed the strategy of being combative with others, I urge you to reconsider how effective this is in meeting your needs and filling the desires of your heart. This attitude forces a wedge between you and others. It destroys the very relationships you seek to create, maintain, and strengthen. It sours your mind and warps your viewpoint. It turns the world into a battleground, an adversarial exercise that must be waged day after day. It leaves you no room for peace. When, in your anger, people become your enemy, all your relationships will remain tainted and unresolved.
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing YourAnger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, pain, Proverbs, Proverbs 26:21, quarrel, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
Proverbs 26:20 — “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”
Become aware of what sort of fuel incites your anger. Learn to be discerning. Refrain from indignation and umbrage at unsubstantiated rumors and gossip. Not only is this sort of behavior destructive, it often diverts you from your own work of reflection and recovery.
Gossip is called a “choice morsel” in Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22. Don’t let it tempt you and veer you away from doing your own work.
Tomorrow: Proverbs 26:21 (last in the series)
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, gossip, Gregory L. Jantz, Proverb 26:20, Proverbs, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
Proverbs 26:17 — “Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.”
Every one of you has been damaged by a sin in your life — your own sin and the sins perpetrated against you. You are a casualty of a war raging. This war takes place in your life but also in realms beyond your comprehension.
Ephesians 6:12 puts it this way: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
There have been times, listening to stories of horrific abuse and trauma, I have a clearer picture of what this verse speaks to. What I want you to take from this is to be careful about entering into quarrels; you may not be aware of the forces arrayed against you. If you have wandered into a battle of this kind, remember that the battle belongs to the Lord. He has and always will fight for you.
Tomorrow: Proverbs 26:20
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: abuse, Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, Lord, Proverbs, Proverbs 26:17, quarrel, sin, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, trauma
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Monday, January 4th, 2010
Proverbs 22:10 — “Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.”
Did you know that you have a “mocker” inside your head? This is that negative voice you’ve read about that puts you down and devalues you. This voice is fueled by all the false, destructive, and unkind things said against you and things done to you. When this voice says you are not lovable, it mocks the truth of God’s love for you.
For you to get over your anger and begin to have an authentic, healthy relationship with yourself, you must drive this mocker out. When you do, out goes strife, internal quarrels, and self-inflicted insults. You declare peace with yourself and gain the clarity you need to resolve other relationships in your life.
Tomorrow: Proverbs 26:17
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, clarity, Ev, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, mocker, peace, Proverbs, Proverbs 22:10, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009
Proverbs 20:3 — It is to a man’s honor to avoid strive, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
This is not the “doormat” proverb. It does not say that you should go about your life keeping your mouth shut in order to avoid problems. Rather, this verse cautions you to avoid strife.
Strife is defined as a “bitter sometimes violent conflict or dissention” and as as an “exertion or contention for superiority.” Strife is quarrel fueled by anger and hostility. As such, it will not produce the desired results of resolution. Instead, it fans the flames of conflict. It is to your credit to avoid it and find another way to get your needs met.
Monday: Proverbs 22:10
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gregory L. Jantz, hostility, Proverbs, Proverbs 20:3, quarrel, strife, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
Proverbs 17:19 — “He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.”
There are women I know, probably women you know, who love a good argument. It seems they like nothing better than to fight about nearly everything. If you are one of these women, you know deep down how much satisfaction you get out of unleashing your temper.
I want you to hear something: even if the source of your anger comes from sin committed against you, that does not absolve you from responsibility in how you conduct yourself and express your anger. If that were the case, then an abuser who was abused would be free from guilt. If that were true, no one could be held responsible for their own wrongful actions because everyone has been wronged by someone.
In order to heal and get over your anger, you need to start seeing it in its proper context — as a high gate you’ve built for protection. As this verse cautions, though a high gate does provide protection, it also invites destruction. If you doubt that, just think about the effect your anger has on those you love.
Ask yourself — is your anger protecting or destroying your family relationships?
Tomorrow: Proverbs 20:3
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, destruction, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, Gr, Gregory L. Jantz, guilt, protection, Proverbs, Proverbs 17:19, resolving, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources
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Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
Proverbs 17:14 — “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”
Nowhere is this truer, I think, than in working with couples. If both people have unresolved relationships, starting a quarrel between them unleashes a torrent of hidden issues.
At times, my office has been flooded with accusations, recriminations, dire pronouncements, and tearful arguments. So many that it is difficult for the strength of the relationship to contain them all. That is why one of the skills I teach couples is how to “fight” fairly, passionately but also compassionately, truthfully but also gracefully. A knock-down-drag-out argument is simply not the most effective format for conflict resolution; instead it is a recipe for conflict conflagration.
Tomorrow: Proverbs 17:19
SOURCE: Chapter 7: “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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Tags: Anger, Every Woman's Guide to Managing Your Anger, fighting, Gregory L. Jantz, Proverbs, Proverbs 17:14, The Center, The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, unresolved relationships
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