Even if you hide your anger, you are still spending time and energy on it. Following are some ways I’ve observed hidden anger manifested:
- Procrastination in the completion of tasks, especially ones you don’t like or want to do
- Habitual lateness
- Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy
- Overpoliteness, constant cheerfulness (fake), attitude of “grin and bear it” but internally resenting it
- Frequent sighing
- Smiling while hurting
- Overcontrolled monotone speaking voice
- Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams
- Difficulty in getting to sleep or staying asleep, with thoughts going around in your head keeping you awake
- Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about (depression from internalized anger)
- Slowing down of movements, especially when doing things you don’t want to do
- Getting tired more easily than usual
- Excessive irritability over trifles
- Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching, and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally
In other words, burying anger does not diffuse it; rather, it tunnels it underground, where it undermines your sense of self and manifests in damaging ways. Sometimes, the need to deny the strength of, or even existence of, anger is so powerful that you create the capacity to deny the anger even exists. But the force of anger will find other, secondary outlets.
SOURCE: Chapter2: “The Root of Destructive Anger” in Every Woman’s Guide to Managing Your Anger by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.
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