Archive for May, 2010

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Healing: Here Comes the Sun

Friday, May 14th, 2010

Please know that it is God’s desire for you to experience healing.

Whether your trials are physical, emotional, or spiritual, you are not alone. God is with you. Charles Swindoll, in Hope Again, says something that really hits home: “No matter how dark the clouds, the sun will eventually pierce the darkness and dispel it; no matter how heavy the rain, the sun will ultimately prevail to hang a rainbow in the sky.”

Living in the Pacific Northwest, I have seen incredible rainbows. Double bows of vibrant, sky-arching color bursting forth at the merest hint of sun after a violent rain. I see them, and I smile, for I believe in their promise. I believe in their confirmation of a loving God who announces the sun after the rain with such celebration! Do you know that God wants you to experience the same celebration of healing in your life? The same touch of the sun after the rain? From the dreariness and darkness of your pain, God wants to send forth his rainbow of healing and bring you joy so you can be a witness to the world of his love and power.

For those wearied by the burden of suffering, listen to these promises:

Psalm 30:5: “Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

God in no way seeks to minimize your pain. He recognizes that in this world there will be weeping. It is his desire, however, to hedge that pain within a specific time frame and follow it with joy. Depending upon the source of your pain, your healing journey may be longer or shorter than another healing journey. But please know that God has joy for you at the end. Please, keep going. Please, keep moving toward healing!

Your destination awaits; it is not in doubt if you only will keep moving forward.

Proverbs 23:18: “Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”

In the midst of pain, it can feel as if your hope has been cut off. You’re so sure you’ll never feel anything like joy again. This is not true as this verse clearly states. There is not merely a future hope for you, there is surely a future hope for you! God has promised that he will not allow that hope to be cut off. And who is more powerful than God?

Once promised to you, who can take your hope away from you? No one but yourself by failing to claim it.

Job 11:17-18: “Your life will be brighter than the noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. And you will have confidence, because there is hope; you will be protected and take your rest in safety.” Because there is hope, your future is secure. Even Job, the example of ultimate suffering, could say these words. If he can, so can you.

SOURCE: Chapter 8: “Vision,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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The Addiction Checklist

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

The following are some fairly common addictive personality traits. Note the ones that apply to you. The more you identify with, the more you will see an addictive pattern in your life. Record in a private journal or notebook as many examples as you can for each item checked. The result will be a descriptive picture of your total addictive tendencies. Please, talk these over with a counselor or support group.

  • I tend to conceal certain behaviors
  • There is a slow deterioration of family “pride”
  • I protect the consequences of my behavior
  • I make secret pact(s) with other family members
  • I tend to deny what is obvious to others
  • I am feeling distant from other family members
  • I am increasing my use of alibis, excuses, and justification for my actions
  • There is a growing distrust within my family
  • I engage in self-righteous criticism and tend to judge others
  • I have more and more self-doubt and fear
  • I often feel superior to others
  • I neglect spiritual pursuits, including prayer and meditation
  • I tend to overlook my behavior
  • I sense changes in eating or sleeping patterns
  • I distrust those outside my family
  • I’m having more accidents, illnesses, and injuries due to increased stress
  • I often rationalize my behavior
  • I find there’s more loss of time on the job
  • I often fantasize and obsess about my problems
  • My ability to work or function is decreasing
  • I hold the belief that if others changed, most of my problems would vanish
  • I am having a conflict with my former value system — my once-clear set of personal ethics
  • I attempt to “catch” or “trap” others in some act of which I do not approve
  • I have made attempts at suicide or have nurtured suicidal thoughts
  • My mood swings are intense, moving from high to low
  • I have increasing financial problems
  • I have a list of ongoing resentments and disappointments
  • I feel I am over-extended and over-involved in my work and other outside activities
  • I find myself losing friendships
  • More and more I am engaging in self-defeating or degrading behavior

The alcoholic, workaholic, rageaholic, stimulusaholic, and foodaholic  all incorporate their addictive behaviors into a life pattern that seems to work for them — a pattern their friends, colleagues, and family members are at their wits end to understand, much less accept.

Drinking relaxes the drinker, over-eating creates a sensation of fullness for the overeater; creating nonstop frantic, out-of-control conditions gives the stimulus-seeker an opportunity to manage his or her crisis, thus providing an opportunity for manipulation and control. It’s management based on a negative premise, but it is nonetheless “management.”

What we are learning is that most of this kind of activity should not be given clinical labels. Many of these addictive personality traits are simply manifestations of obsessive-compulsive behavior, a problem that demands a different type of treatment and seldom requires medication.

SOURCE: Appendix One in Losing Weight Permanently by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healthy Living: Staying On Course

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Each child is a whole person, created by God to be an emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual being. When these aspects are addressed, your child truly can SOAR! You can do this — in small and large ways, day by day, you can do this! You needn’t do it perfectly, but you should do it consistently.

As your family makes baby steps, walk right with them. Take those steps yourself and recognize you’re in it together.

Above all, continue to communicate your love and support — through your words, actions, your commitment. Lead your family where you want them to go. Embody the qualities you want them to exhibit. You truly have more power for good than you imagine.

Remember the true source of that power for good: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:20-21). Yes, God’s power is immeasurable; he is able to do more than all we ask or imagine. So start imagining a healthier life for your family! Keep asking him for guidance and help. Allow his power to be at work within you as you work with your family.

Give all glory to Jesus for positive changes nin your life:

Dear Father, I give you praise for your power to change lives for the better. Be with me each day as this family I love becomes even healthier than it is today. I thank you for your vision of hope, and I acknowledge all the good you have done. When I falter, sustain me. When I stumble, pick me up. When I achieve, accept my praise. In failure and in victory, help me to stay the course and allow my family to SOAR! Amen.

SOURCE: Chapter 11, “Staying On Course,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Living with Significance: Betty’s Story

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Betty came to see me in my office and explained that she had suddenly come to a critical turning point in her life.

She had worked with enthusiasm for many years as a secretary in a leading law firm but was now obliged by circumstances beyond her control to leave her position. It was not going to be easy for Betty to leave her friends, her boss, and the corporate culture that had become such an integral part of her life. She worried that she would not find a position elsewhere that would be as fulfilling and interesting.

If she turned to a different occupation, even for a short time, Betty would run the risk of finding it difficult to ever return to the kind of adventure — a word she used often in our conversation — she had been engaged in for so long.

I asked her, “What do you want most of all in the world?” There was a long silence. Then Betty replied, “I want to do something truly significant with my life.”

Something significant.

We talked more than an hour about the meaning of those words. What does it mean, “something significant”? Is anything ever ultimately significant? Betty hopes so. In fact, she is counting on it.

As a counselor I must be careful not to lay on Betty my value judgments of what may or may not be significant for her. If I were to do so, I would be treating her as less than a capable, responsible person. What she needs from me more than anything else is a dialogue. Few people learn to understand themselves in isolation. Understanding comes only in deep encounters with others.

Betty broke the silence, “I know that just because something is good, it will not necessarily be significant. But I’m confident that if I can be and do significant things, I know that what I put my heart to will be good.”

Did you catch the word Betty used earlier in our conversation — the word adventure?

Life for this woman has always been adventure — complete with the hills and valleys, storms and sunsets, hurts and passion. Once a person without a shred of confidence, weak and ineffective, she learned that it has been through her adventures that she has become the mature woman she is today. Each passing has made her available for other adventures, which have always been more adult and more fruitful.

Now another adventure awaits her.

I tell you Betty’s story because our lives cry out for adventure and significance. That’s why we climb mountains, swim in high surf, extreme ski, scuba dive, fly airplanes, go on vacations to exciting places. It’s why we sit wide-eyed with our hearts pounding through our chests as the roller coaster approaches its final ascent just before it leaps into space, where for those few out-of-body moments we can scarcely catch out breath as our hearts fall to our stomachs and we’re lost in the thrill of temporary weightlessness, screaming, blood pressure rising, with adrenaline coursing through our bodies faster than a moving train.

Our spirits cry out for these thrills as an escape from our humdrum existence.

Even though I have never met you, I know what you want in your heart of hearts. You, like Betty, want to be significant, and you want to do significant things. Your adventures will help define your significance as much as anything else because they are manifestations of your self-expression. Your adventures will invigorate you, push you beyond yourself, and propel you toward your worthy goals. they will demand that you risk stepping out of the too-safe shallows into the wild white water of life where the real action is, where you will encounter both the exhilaration of victory and the learning that comes from defeat.

So press on with confidence. Stay around people who will help you grow. Accentuate the positive. Fan into flame the gift of God that is in you. Remember the source of your strength. Aim for excellence, not for perfection, and confidence will be yours.

I invite you to live boldly and confidently with this assurance.

SOURCE: Chapter 8 “The Joy of Confident Living” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Renewing Your Spiritual Connections

Monday, May 10th, 2010

Sunday morning. Great. Time to go to church, and I’m fresh out of excuses.

I used “not feeling well” last week and “out of town” three weeks ago. If I don’t show up today, it’ll be two Sundays in a row, and someone will probably call or want to come over. But if I don’t want to go to church on Sunday, I certainly don’t want to talk about why to someone from the visitation committee during the week. So I’ll just go — a little late and leave as soon as it’s done. I won’t show up on any list that way.

Okay, so I’m going, but I’m not dressing up. They should be happy I’m there at all.

Happy. Yeah, they’ll be happy. We’ll sing about joy, and they’ll smile and laugh. If I keep a frown on my own face and pretend I’m rummaging through my purse, I can probably get out of there without anyone coming up to me after services. Happy people don’t know what to do with a frown.

It’s not that I’m mad at them. It’s not their fault I feel this way. It’s just so hard to sit or stand in the pew and sing about joy when I don’t have any myself.

I can’t remember the last time I felt joy. I thought when I became a Christian, I was supposed to become joyful, as though God was going to wave a magic wand over me, causing all doubt and fear and loneliness and unhappiness to go away.

Well, if he did, it didn’t work. I’m still unhappy, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone.

What’s the deal? Where is God in all this?

FINDING THE CONNECTION

God-talk will support your positive self-talk by agreeing with affirming statements, such as:

  • I deserve love.
  • I deserve joy.
  • I am strong enough to learn and grow each day.
  • I can experience contentment in my life.
  • I am able to respond to my circumstances instead of react.
  • I can look forward to tomorrow.

To each of these, God adds his response:

I deserve love: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

I deserve joy: “Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away” (Isaiah 51:11).

I am strong enough to learn and grow each day: “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” (2 Samuel 22:33).

I can experience contentment in my life: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12).

I am able to respond to my circumstances instead of react: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

I can look forward to tomorrow: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).

SOURCE: Chapter 9, “Renewing Your Spiritual Connections,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Multifocusing: God as Our Continuum

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Most of you have heard the term “multitasking.” It describes the ability to do several things at once. There are those who would say we simply can’t get along without it! If multitasking is beneficial, consider the value of “multifocusing.” By this, I mean the ability to see one thing from several different perspectives, specifically the perspectives of past, present, and future.

When suffering or trials occur in our lives, they tend to telescope our view into a preoccupation with the present. Physical and emotional pain can be so overwhelming that they demand our complete and immediate attention. The here and now supercedes all other views. While this is natural for a short period of time, it can be damaging if we maintain this singular focus over the long-term. Why? Because focusing solely on the present robs us of the lessons of the past and the hope for the future.

When we’re hurting, pain seems the only clear lens. When we’re hurting, we look at our past, which can seem a bleak landscape. Our current suffering appears to be a dreary constant. Pain fills our past and overwhelms our present. Is it any wonder we ignore the future, believing the pain will continue indefinitely? We may appear to be multifocusing, but we’re concentrating on the negative and failing to take the positive into account. Only through multifocusing on God are we able to pay attention to the present and still gain benefits from both the past and the future.

Let’s look again at the passage from Lamentations, this time from the point of view of multifocusing:

“My soul continually thinks of it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.”

Jeremiah spoke of the present and his soul as being “bowed down within me.”

He was aware of his present condition and also of his past sufferings. Nevertheless, Jeremiah put them into context. He spoke of being able to “call to mind” or remember a past when “the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.” The past to Jeremiah was not merely a litany of injustices and trials, it was filled with evidence of God’s love and mercy.

With a foundation of God’s past deliverance, Jeremiah saw a positive future, one in which God’s mercies would be “new every morning.” Firmly rooted in the past, present, and future. Jeremiah had hope.

In order to hope and in order to heal, God must be our continuum.

SOURCE: Chapter 8: “Vision,” God Can Help You Heal by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Weight Loss: 7 Disciplines to Help You Stay the Course

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

During a particularly difficult part of my life, I copied the following words down on a scrap of paper. They are the simple lyrics to a well-known Shaker hymn — a message for all times, an encouraging word for you about simplicity, freedom, humility, and being in a place that’s right.

‘Tis the gift to be simple

‘Tis the gift to be free,

‘Tis the gift to come down

Where we ought to be;

And when we find ourselves

In the place just right

‘Twill be in the valley of light and delight.

Simplicity. Getting the clutter out of your life and focusing on the really important issues like faith, hope, and love. Finding the place that’s right for you, far from the madding array of past guilts, fears, obsessions, and compulsions. Not being afraid to bend your head in humility, recognizing that you wear no shroud of shame when you face your past, but that, in fact, only by turning, turning, and turning again will you make the corrections you must make.

Someone has said we humans have a tendency to crucify ourselves between two thieves: the regret of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. They rob us of precious years of productive labor and love. We cannot change our past, only accept it. Yet the regrets and the “if only’s” keep us from living in the present and looking to a better future with excitement and joy. So how will you stay the course? How will you remain part of the two percent of people who manage to lose weight permanently?

Let’s look at 7 proven, creative ways to help you meet your objectives.

1) Let discipline start at home. When there is little or no discipline at the center of your life, you leak. If you wish to lose weight permanently, you will not allow the many distractions of life to throw you off course. Be too large for worry, too hopeful for despair, and too committed to ever give up.

2) Discipline your priorities. Just as sometimes there is a difference between a person’s character and reputation, so there is sometimes a chasm between what one says and what one does. Your success depends on being consistent.

3) Discipline your nerve. General Omar Bradley said, “Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.” Don’t foresake permanent weight loss for lack of courage to do what’s right.

4) Discipline your follow-through. Why do 98 percent of dieters fail to keep weight off permanently? They don’t follow through.

5) Discipline your time. People who lose weight permanently know what it takes to lose it and keep it off. The process cannot be rushed. This is a journey of progress, not perfection.

6) Discipline yourself to what is. “If I were only younger, or thinner, or smarter, or richer, or lived in a different neighborhood, or had a better background….” These are the words of one who lives in a world of fantasy. You will begin to achieve success when you know where the battle lines are drawn, and then fight on those lines.

7) Discipline your disciplines. Real freedom is not staged. It flows. Unless you are careful with the rules you set up for yourself, you may feel there is little joy left for you, with all of these nots cramping your style. That’s why eventually you will want to bury your disciplines deep in your consciousness where they will work naturally for you, not against you.

SOURCE: Chapter 9, “Maintain Membership in the Two Percent Club,” in Losing Weight Permanently by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Healthy Living: Strength from Above

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

Our greatest “reinforcement” is not far from us — God is forever at hand. Psalm 16:8 says, “I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” It does not say that the world will not be shaken; rather, it says that I will not be shaken. On this side of heaven, that is often all we can hope for. God has promised it will be sufficient.

If you face difficult circumstances, you may not be able to see great leaps of progress or frequent milestones. Your efforts will require longer amounts of time, increased patience, decreased personal freedom, delayed gratification, and little appreciation for your efforts. With an acceptance of this reality, you become more like God, who since the fall experiences daily these constraints where we, his children are concerned:

  • We require greater amounts of time. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).
  • He must show us infinite patience. “What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath — prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory? (Romans 9:22-23).
  • He allows us to affect his plans. “So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said He would do to His people” (Exodus 32:14).
  • He must wait for the fruition of his plans. “But in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe (Hebrews 1:2).

Because God knows about and understands dealing with difficult situations and challenging children, he will bless you in your efforts. He will give you strength for each battle. He will grant you his Spirit of patience sufficient for each day. He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. If all of these sound on some days like hollow platitudes, remember what God deals with on a daily basis. This is not so you will try to compare yourself to God; rather, it is so you will understand the source of his empathy and recognize his power to empower you.

You are not alone. Your children and family are not yours alone. Have faith through your special circumstances that God is able to triumph. Keep praying. Keep working. Keep believing. Keep watching. May his blessings pour down upon you and your family like rain.

SOURCE: Chapter 10, “SOAR-ing Above Special Circumstances,” in Healthy Habits, Healthy Kid: A Practical Plan to Help Your Family by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Opportunity: Fan Into Flame Your Gift

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

I think 2 Timothy 1:6 sums up best the reason to hope:

“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you.”

I suggest that you memorize these words of hope and confidence, and then consider them as the theme for this chapter. Being confident means you feel good about what is true about yourself. That’s why the apostle Paul used the words “fan into flame the gift of God.”

Timothy’s gift was already there. It didn’t have to be fabricated. It’s just that Timothy had not yet recognized what lay deep beneath his surface. Paul knew what he was talking about when he penned these words of confidence to his son in the faith. He recognized Timothy was inexperienced, timid, and afraid that he often felt incapable of carrying out his ministry because of his youth. But Paul knew Timothy. He was confident that beneath the self-doubt there was the faithful heartbeat of one of God’s chosen servants who would be used to make his Lord known.

Hundreds of years later Paul’s words still have the power to bring hope to our hearts — if we will allow them to do their good work in our lives.

What gift has God given you that is waiting to emerge? Are you willing to take some small risks to discover the much greater, hidden treasures still buried deep within you? What will it take for you to develop the inner confidence to help you make your fondest dreams come true? Are you wiling to take some risks to propel you beyond the ordinary to do some truly amazing things with your life?

In his bestselling book, Empires of the Mind, Denis Waitley puts the issue of taking risks into perspective with a poem that, unfortunately, could be the epitaph for much of humanity:

There was a very cautious man who never laughed or cried.

He never risked, he never lost, he never won nor tried.

And when one day he passed away his insurance was denied,

for since he never really lived, they claimed he never died.

Waitley continues:

Missed opportunities are the curse of potential. Just after the Great Depression, Americans, perhaps understandably at the time, took many steps intended to minimize risk. The government guaranteed much of our savings. Citizens bought billions of dollars worth of insurance. We sought lifetime employment and our unions fought for guaranteed annual cost-of-living increases to protect us from inflation. This security-blanket mentality has continued to recent decades as executives awarded themselves giant golden parachutes in case a merger or takeover took their plum jobs.

These measures had many benefits, but the drawbacks have also been heavy, even if less obvious. In our eagerness to avoid risk, we forget its positive aspects. Many of us continue to overlook the fact that progress comes only when chances are taken. And the security we sought and continue to seek often produces boredom, mediocrity, apathy, and reduced opportunity.

We dare not wait for great strength before setting out to do our work, for to delay will weaken us further. Neither should we strain to see the end of the road before embarking on our journey, for every moment’s hesitation eats at our confidence and erodes our courage. However, when we take our first tentative steps toward a worthy goal, rather than depleting our strength, we discover our power has increased manyfold and we see more clearly what our next task must be. This is because God’s reward for a job well done is often a bigger job to do.

SOURCE: Chapter 8 “The Joy of Confident Living” in How to De-Stress Your Life by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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Replenishing the Body: Rachel’s Story

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

“Perfection!”

Rachel held up the warm, plump, deepening red globe. Gently she disengaged the fruit from its stem and set it down in her basket next to the squash, beans, and lettuce she’d already harvested. Even her tomatoes were doing well this year! It was a bigger garden than she’d ever attempted, but her labor was certainly bearing fruit.

The next-door neighbor chided her in a good-natured way about puttering around so much, but Rachel didn’t let it bother her. Taking care of her garden was like taking care of herself. She’d put off doing both for far too long.

Frankly, she’d let her garden and her life get choked out by too many weeds.

Little by little over the years, Rachel had traded in the important for the urgent. As her career as a nurse gained steam, it began to roll over the other activities of her life. After all, her work was important, and Rachel was very good at it. The better she got, the more pressure she took on. The more pressure she took on, the less she began to enjoy life. In a life-giving profession, she had less and less to give.

After years of providing help, one day Rachel decided it was time to ask for some. It wasn’t selfish; it was necessary.

The idea to replant her neglected garden came while she was talking with her counselor, who asked a question about what she enjoyed doing. It took her a moment to answer because, in her current life, she had trouble thinking of anything. She spent time in certain activities, even important ones, but they were not necessarily things she enjoyed. That’s when she spoke of the gardens she’d helped with as she was growing up.

“What was it about gardening you liked so much?”

“Caring for something,”Rachel had finally answered. “Watching over it and taking care of it. Knowing I could help something to grow. I hadn’t really thought of it before, but that’s the same reason I went into nursing.”

“Have you ever thought of yourself that way?” her counselor asked. “As someone to be cared for? What are you doing to help yourself grow?”

From the seed planted that day, Rachel set out to care for her garden and herself. Whatever place you’re at in your life, I encourage you to do the same. Whether it’s gardening, running, reading or just sitting in meditative silence, make the time to replenish yourself each day.

SOURCE: Chapter 8, “Replenishing the Body,” in Moving Beyond Depression by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD., founder of The Center for Counseling and Health Resources Inc.

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