Resources for Anger

1. Volcanic and random explosions; random outbursts.
2. A defensive posture and a tendency to "jump the gun" in defending oneself.
3. Having to be right in conversations and conflicts. These people believe their way is the only way.
4. A demanding spirit. Attempting to control others by demands.
5. An overuse of sarcasm. The inappropriate use of humor in order to cause harm.
6. Using guilt (false guilt) to control others' behaviors.
7. Diminished joy in life with a lack of pleasure in activities.
8. Overusing faulty coping mechanisms.
9. Using physical force to get one's way or to control the behavior of others.
10. Overuse of "commanding language". (Giving orders)
11. Plotting and scheming against other people.
12. Fueling gossip and saying harmful things against another person.
13. A problem with selfishness and pride.

1. It is okay to feel angry.
2. It is okay to talk about feeling angry.
3. It is not okay to use anger to hurt yourself, someone else or damage others' property.
4. The anger needs to be explored in terms of what happened, rather than with whom it happened.

We would recommend you copy and paste this in your word processing program and fill out this questionnaire and do a self-evaluation of your anger issues.

1. Complete this sentence: Anger is
2. How did you express anger as a child?
3. Describe your most recent 'anger' experience.
4. Describe the most angry moment in your entire life.
5. List the varieties of ways in which you deal with anger?
6. What pleasure do you get from anger?
7. Do you have any positive way of getting rid of anger? If so, how?
8. Do you use anger as a weapon against others?
9. What is your definition of anger?
10. What is your definition of hostility?
11. What is your definition of aggression?
12. What do you find are 'special anger problems' in the male-female relationship?
13. How do know you are angry?
14. Where do you experience anger?
15. I feel angry when others:
16. I feel that my anger is:
17. When others express anger, I feel:
18. I feel that the anger of others is:

If after completing this questionnaire, you are aware that you have some unhealthy ways of expressing anger, or that you have unresolved anger issues, The Center, Inc. is available to help you in these areas. Call toll-free 1-888-771-5166.

Confrontation is most often necessitated when the behavior of one person negatively impacts the feelings/attitudes of another. The pain caused by the initial behavior creates a barrier in a relationship if it is not shared openly. Stored pain eventually explodes and ultimately can destroy a relationship.

Caring confrontations are usually well thought out and are best structured in the following manner:

1. Introduction:
   "I am having a problem and I want to share it with you."
2. Affirmation:
   "I value our relationship; and I know keeping this problem to myself might damage our relationship."
3. Agreement to Discuss:
   "Can I share my problem with you now, or at a time that's better for you?'"
4. Behavior Description: (Do not make inferences about the other person's motives, attitudes or character. Be specific and objective.)
   "When you make plans with me and then cancel at the last minute......"
5. Disclosure of Feelings: (Use 'I' statements and share your feeling(s).)
   "I feel hurt and angry..."
6. Describe Effect:
   "Because it is often too late for me to make plans with others."
7. Active Listen for the Response: (Wait for a response and demonstrate your love for the other person by using your Active/Reflective Listening Skill.)

Avoid Certain Pitfalls

The following practices prevent meaningful communication from continuing.

1. Command (give orders, issue directives)
2. Warn (threaten, admonish)
3. Preach
4. Give advice
5. Teach (give lectures and arguments)
6. Judge (criticize, blame, disagree)
7. Praise (offer premature, positive judgment)
8. Shame
9. Analyze (diagnose, interpret)
10. Console (reassure, sympathize, talk them out of it)

Confrontation

The word confrontation stirs up negative thoughts and feelings for most of us. This is primarily true because so many confrontations have been fueled by destructive, suspicious and hateful motives. Where this occurs there are injuries and broken relationships. Confrontations attempted when feelings are intense are invariably destructive efforts.

In this helpful guide, Christian therapist Gregory Jantz examines why emotional abuse is so common and damaging. He reveals how those who have been abused by a spouse, parent, employer, or minister can overcome the past and rebuild their self-image. Also good for those who have been emotionally abusive. There is hope! Click Here to read more.

In my 25 years of specializing in counseling for women at The Center for Counseling and Health Resources, time and time again I have witnessed a miraculous transformation when a woman takes the necessary steps to let go of her anger, which often lies at the core of depression, addiction, eating disorders and more. Click Here to read more.